Page 83 of Forfeits

Chapter Fourteen

Smashing

When we got back to my place, after letting the dogs out into the yard to pee, I showered and put on some comfortable pajamas. My ass felt weird and bereft after holding on to that steel ball for so long. But there was also a delicious ache that made me remember.

Aiden and I cuddled in front of the TV after I’d checked my phone and made sure there were no texts or calls from either Lucy or her grandparents. But everything seemed fine.

By ‘fine’, I meant that none of them had tried to contact me while I was otherwise occupied. I was still unnerved by the idea that Daniel’s parents might try to take Lucy from me. At least getting thoroughly worked over by Aiden in the Bordello had helped me to relax, even in the face of that.

My bones felt like jelly, and I hadn’t yet fully exited my submissive frame of mind—in the sense that I was still deferring to Aiden for everything and enjoying the caretaking he liked doing after a scene.

Daniel had looked after me in similar ways, and I was finally able to remember without too much heartache. Having another man in my life, one who treated me well and didn’t make unreasonable demands, meant that I could continue to process Daniel’s death. It seemed to be helping, and I didn’t question that, beyond realizing that if Aiden and I broke up, it would hit me hard. But I was convinced that the journey that I’d begun with Aiden, no matter where it might lead, was a journey of recovery and growth. I knew the odds were against us ending up together forever, and I’d made peace with that. I was grateful to have someone by my side for now, and I resisted putting any more pressure on our relationship than that.

The odds of finding someone who was willing to engage with me the way that Daniel had, but with his own style of Dominance, had been exceedingly rare.

A pain, like a gut punch, hit me all of a sudden. I looked upward, even though I didn’t actually believe in Heaven. But was it possible that Daniel was still looking out for me? Had Daniel sent me Aiden? It was the most comforting idea I’d had concerning Daniel’s passing in a very long while—maybe ever. I might not believe in Heaven, but I did believe in energy and the idea that the inner essence of a person—the soul—might disperse into the universe upon death. The energy that had made up Daniel was still floating around out there—in the trees and clouds and ether—somehow. Whether I believed it completely or not, the thought soothed me. I snuggled closer to Aiden and closed my eyes, enjoying his comforting presence and the turn my thoughts had taken.

When I woke, about two hours later, Aiden was still watching television. I blinked up at him in the dim light and yawned.

“Hey.”

“How come you’re still awake? Aren’t you tired?”

“Getting there,” he said. “I was wired when we got back. I’m getting drowsy now.”

“Wired in a good way?”

“Wired in the best way.” He shrugged, finding my hand and clasping it. “I’m excited about the future.”

“You mean…us?”

“Yeah.” He laughed. “Only because I want to stick so many things up your ass. Not for any other reason at all.”

I could tell he was lying, and the fact that he could joke about it and benignly lay his feelings out without expressly saying he wanted a serious relationship, was expert level romancing.

“Let’s go to bed.”

“Sure.”

We headed upstairs. When he got to the top, Aiden turned in the direction of the guest room.

“Hey,” I said, touching his elbow. “We’re going to sleep in my room tonight,” I said.

He turned and looked at me, squinting in the darkness. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah.”

Aiden nodded. “All right.”

I led him into the main bedroom. We stripped to our boxer briefs and got under the covers. I’d bought all new bedding after Daniel had passed because I couldn’t bear to sleep in the sheets he had used, even if they’d been washed. They were scrunched up in a box in the attic, and one day I’d get rid of them.

I snuggled up to Aiden again and rested my head on his chest, like I’d done with Daniel on many a night. And although it felt different, it comforted me in the same way, and I realized that Daniel would want to see me cared for in the way that he could no longer manage.

* * * *

Since we hadn’t gone for brunch on Saturday, due to not wanting to overindulge before a complex scene, we decided to go Sunday. But first we lounged around having coffee and enjoying a relaxed morning.

I sent my usual Good morning text to Lucy at around nine, and she responded with a happy face, followed by a photo of the cutest little black and white kitten I’d ever seen.

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