Page 12 of Forfeits

“It’s fine. You’re in the best place for it.”

A panic attack. I’d never had one before Daniel had died. Now I had them often enough to be inconvenient.

“I had a dream,” I blurted.

“Oh?”

I described the dream to Jinta in fragments. I took breaks in between to count some deep breaths. I was embarrassed, but at least Jinta knew what I was struggling with.

“I’m sorry,” I said, when I was finished.

“No, Fletcher. I’m sorry I didn’t ask you sooner if there was anything you missed about Daniel that you hadn’t told me.”

“It’s just—” I said, with halting breath. “I didn’t think—”

“Grief can take a long time to get through, Fletcher. And it never completely goes away,” she said. “Perhaps you weren’t ready to deal with those particular memories until now.”

We sat in silence. I tried not to fill it with awkward chatter.

“Can you think of anything that happened recently that might have reminded you about that part of your life with Daniel?”

Huh.

Dropping Patrick off at work and going into Maverick Molly’s for the first time. Meeting Aiden and recognizing him from a different kink club. It wasn’t so strange that I’d remember.

“Yes, now that I think about it.”

She cocked her head.

“Have you…heard of Maverick Molly’s?”

“No. What’s that?”

“My nephew, Patrick, works there.” I scratched at my neck, embarrassed, even though I trusted Jinta with this information. “It’s a gay kink club—a relatively new one.”’

Jinta looked surprised but not offended or embarrassed. “Really.”

“Yeah. It’s set up like a Victorian”—I’d almost said brothel but stopped myself—“gaming parlor.”

“Interesting.”

“And…” I felt the heat flooding my cheeks. I glanced at Jinta, reminded myself that I’d only ever found support here. “You remember I told you about the months after Daniel died? When I…” I swallowed, the guilt like a lump in my throat. “I was going to clubs and getting drunk and having…having…”

“I remember.”

I nodded. “I saw this man one time, when I was…following another guy and…I knew he was a Dom by the way he was acting with his friend or lover or sub—or whoever was with him.”

“Okay.”

“Well, you’re not going to believe this,” I said, running a hand through my hair, “but I ran into him unexpectedly…at Lucy’s school.”

“Huh. Another parent?”

“No, he’s a supply teacher.”

“I see.”

“I think…I think he remembered me. Maybe. I could be imagining that.”

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