Page 63 of Regal Queen

When I didn't answer, he continued. “But, I'm not here for you."

“You're not?" My chest suddenly felt like there a weight was pressing down on it. Had he already moved on? Shit, I was so confused about what I wanted.

"Well, that’s not entirely true. Yes, we’re here for you. With several men and anything you might need if you plan on meeting up with Dimitri."

I perked up, immediately feeling better, stronger. Feeling a bit of hope that we might actually have a chance.

I suddenly knew I would do whatever it took to save Aster, even if that meant begging Bourbon to help me. Even if it meant that I would be locked up again with him.

I would do it, for her.

But I didn’t' respond, needing to hear what he had to offer me.

When I didn’t answer, he continued. "But I want you to know, that this is your choice. I'm here, if you need us, but I won't force myself on you."

I stilled, my throat suddenly dry. What was he saying? "What do you mean?”

“It means that this is your choice. That I am here for you, if that's what you want. But if you don't want my help," he paused, "or me," I heard the pain in his voice when he said that, "then I'll accept that. I won't like it, but I will accept it."

He went silent and I wondered if he could hear the way my heart was pounding. Was he really saying what I thought he was saying?

That he wasn't going to control me anymore? That he was giving me the choice whether or not to go back to him?

Because, let's admit it, I needed all the help I could get. And I was going to take his offer, to save the life of my sister.

But was he saying something more? That even if I took him up on this, that he still wouldn't try to cage me back up again?

"Rose, I know you probably have to think about this, but I need to tell you something first."

"Okay.” My voice was so soft and filled with anxiety, I wasn't even sure he could hear it.

"When you left my life, both times, I went crazy. I was desperate to find you. The first time, I was worried what Dimitri was doing to you. I know the sadistic bastard he can be and I..." his voice lowered, "I thought he was going to kill you. And it drove me mad. I was despearte to save you. Somehow you'd managed to wrap me around your little finger, and I would've done anything to get you back." My heart was beating so fast at his words, and I was struck completely dumb. Was Bourbon, the great but silent king, actually opening up to me? Expressing himself?

It absolutely took my breath away.

“But the second time, I was pissed. You left me Rose, and it tore my heart out."

Oh. God.

“But I want you to know that I understand now. Actually it was Coulter who helped me see it."

My heart clenched at the thought, pleased that Coulter and him were growing closer, something I'd wanted since I understood their dynamic.

“But I," he paused, and when he spoke again, his words ripped me apart. "I need you Rose. Come back to me. I can't imagine my life without my Rapunzel, and I will do anything you want to make things up to you."

I was shocked into silence, so caught up in his admission that I could barely think, barely breathe. My heart sung with the admission, and I wanted my own thoughts to come tumbling out of my mouth, to admit to him that I was feeling that and so much more.

That I'd longed to be with him again.

That the very thought of being by his side was a balm to my aching soul.

“But," he continued, his voice hardening in a way that made my chest ache, “I’m going to eave this choice up to you. I'm here if you want help with Dimitri, and if you want to leave me afterwards, I'll not bind you to my protection. You can make your own choice, Rose, and I'll respect it, regardless of whether or not we help you with Dimitri."

I clutched the phone in my hand, lifting my head to stare out across the countryside, feeling for the first time in my life that my own life was truly in my own hands.

Yes, Bourbon was giving me this choice, but it was still mine to take. I knew I had the power to hide from him. That with the money I'd gotten from James, I could have the ability to stay hidden for a very long time.

That I could live my own life, on my terms.

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