Page 103 of Only Ever You

Deacon

I hurt Pippa so much.

She’s lost weight and she’s pale. Not even the sea air is making her cheeks glow the way they used to. It’s clear she’s doing the bare minimum to take care of herself.

I did this.

This is all my fault.

“After I’ve finished, if you want to walk away then I’ll respect that. I just hope you believe me when I say I’m truly sorry for what I did, and if I could turn back the clock I’d never have left.”

She blinks back tears and nods. “Okay.”

“I love you, Pippa. There’s no one else for me but you.”

Pippa sucks on her bottom lip and drops her gaze.

“I didn’t tell you the full story about what happened when Dad walked in on Lucas and Mum.”

Her brows dip.

“You know we left a week later. That week was so full of nastiness, and it was so toxic. Not just between Mum and Dad.”

“Oh, Deacon,” she whispers.

“Mum was angry that I decided to go with Dad. We had argument after argument over it. I don’t know why she thought I’d take her side, but she told me that Dad was her soulmate and I’d ruined everything by being born.”

Tears well in her eyes.

“She took no responsibility, and she blamed me for bringing Lucas into our lives.”

Pippa reaches for my hand. “What? You two were friends since you were in primary school.”

I shrug. “She blew up our family and then refused to take any blame. I should have seen a therapist or something—both Dad and I should have. But we just moved away from the problem.”

Tension eats at my stomach. “There’s something else I need to tell you. Lucas doesn’t know this—no one does.” I give her hand a squeeze. “Dad was such a mess. He worked himself to the bone in his new job trying to forget Mum. I wanted this drinks company to take off so badly so I could help him retire—although he was so stubborn, and I’m not sure he would have. It did, but it was too late. He killed himself.”

Tears roll down her cheeks, and I wipe them away with my fingers.

“She spent so many years tearing him down and telling him he wasn’t enough. And then the night before our wedding …”

She squeezes my fingers. “She showed up.”

“She got into my head, and I let her. I’m so sorry, Pippa. Maybe if I’d dealt with it back then, I wouldn’t have been so easy for her to get to. But I felt like that vulnerable young man whose parents’ marriage had exploded all over again, and I didn’t shut her down like I should have.”

Pippa swipes away the tears that have rolled down her cheeks.

“I drained the minibar. And I made the worst decision of my life. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you. You never gave me a reason not to.”

I’m such a bastard. I should have gone to her that night and talked to her about it. Even if I had doubts, I should have spoken to Pippa and trusted her.

My lack of trust and the urge to get revenge on Lucas bubbled away in the background, and when Mum pressed the right button, I blew up my own life. Pippa was collateral damage.

“I love you, Pippa, and I never stopped no matter how things looked. It’s been you since the moment you walked into my office.”

Her smile is faint but it’s there.

“You were never meant to be my PA.”

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