Page 78 of Even Ground

“Maybe another time.” It pains me to say it, but I have somewhere else I need to be—maybe someday I’ll let my friends in on it, but I’m not ready for that yet.

I scoop a generous portion of food into a bowl and heat it in the microwave.

Nothing’s changed in this house since my grandmother died—I prefer it that way. The multi-coloured crocheted blanket still hangs over the back of the couch, and when I’m here, I sleep in my old single-bed room.

Flicking on the television to channel surf, I stop on a Christmas movie with Jessie in it. Despite everything, I smile and settle back into my seat, downing the mac and cheese with a cold beer and watching the movie until I drift off to sleep in the recliner.

It’s where I remain until Christmas morning when I wake and adjust the crook in my neck from sleeping at an awkward angle.

A hot shower and a change of clothes makes my aches go away, and then I grab the bouquet of roses I brought with me and head out to the car.

I drive toward the township and park outside the church. It’s not a long walk from the sidewalk to the cemetery where my grandmother is buried.

Before she died, I made her a promise to come here and visit. She loved Christmas, and she was the one person in my life who always made sure I was spoiled on the day. This is my tradition—this is the most important thing I do today.

Her gravestone is immaculate. I only visit once a year, so Marcy comes down and takes care of this too. The marble gleams in the sunshine.

“Hey, Grandma.” I crouch in front of the grave and place the flowers on the ground. “I’m here again, just like I promised.” I swallow hard. “You’d be proud of me, though. I’ve settled down this year. Not with anyone yet, but there is someone special.” I chuckle. “I’ve become more responsible. I know … So not like the old Reece.” I take a deep breath. “And I like it. I think I’ve been a lot like you and never wanted to stay still. But I’m finding me and realising how good it is to settle down. You’d like Pania, Grandma.” I grin. “You’d love Delaney, too, and Amelia. I wish you were here to meet all of them.” I press a kiss to my index finger and touch her name. “Love you. And I miss you so much. See you next year.”

Standing, I tighten my coat around me and take one last look before I head back to the warm car to drive home.

Home.

I’ve talked about buying a house this year, but instead I’ve spent more time living at Josh’s than anywhere else. The nomadic lifestyle I’ve lead the past few years has been forgotten with Josh and I going into business together in LA.

I thought it would be a harder adjustment to make, but it really hasn’t.

For the rest of the day, I watch television and graze on the mac and cheese. This is the one day I give myself to forget about everything else and just relax. Even when I’m not working, I’ve usually been on the go, but today I’m a vegetable on the couch.

It’s so quiet, and by the evening, I drift off again, warm and comfortable.

My phone rings, and I startle, my heart racing at the unexpected call. No one knows I come here. And while I’ve had a heap of texts to say Merry Christmas, I don’t usually get calls.

I pick up the phone and smile.

“Pania.” My heart swells that she called me today of all days.

“I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas.” Chatter’s in the background of her call. It’s a stark contrast to the quiet that surrounds me.

“Merry Christmas to you too.” I grin. “Sounds busy where you are.”

“Mum’s house is full of family. There’s a big tent in the backyard, but a lot of them are still in the house.”

“Pania. Where are the clean glasses?” A man’s voice booms through the phone, and Pania lets out a sigh. Jealousy ripples through me. It’s ridiculous. It’ll be a member of her family and not a boyfriend. Won’t it?

“Look in the dishwasher if there aren’t any in the cupboard.” There’s a pause. “I’m not your mother. Work it out for yourself. Maybe you should stack the dishwasher if you can’t find any clean ones.”

I swallow down a laugh.

“Sorry. My cousin is living with my mum at the moment and she dotes on him. He forgets how to take care of himself.” She huffs. “Anyway, I thought you might want to watch some TV with me.”

“Uhh.”

“Delaney and I do it all the time. We’ll both pick something to watch and then just talk to each other when we feel like talking.”

I chuckle.

“If you don’t want it, that’s fine. I just thought—”

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