Page 103 of Under Ground

Shit.

Borrowing Delaney’s car, I head to the nearest pharmacy to buy a pregnancy test. Alex is already back at work, so he’s not home, and Delaney takes care of Casey while I tell her I’m heading out out for some “fresh air”. We’re close enough that I’d confide just about anything in her, but not this.

“Did you get everything you wanted?” she asks when I walk back in.

“Yeah. I miss so much from home. It’s hard to find what I want, but I got there.” I hold up the small bag of groceries I picked up at the same time.

She waves a hand. “Tell me about it. Nothing’s the same here. Sometimes I buy online and have food shipped because I can’t find the equivalent. It’s what makes me homesick.”

“Mummy, you back.” Casey latches onto my leg. “What you buy?”

“Just some snacks. I found some new things for us to try.”

Her eyes widen. I’ve been glad that staying here has meant that it’s not been a huge adjustment food-wise for Casey. She’s pretty good—except sometimes with vegetables, but Delaney’s cooking has been similar to what we ate at home.

“I want to go in the car.” She frowns.

“I’ll tell you what—how about next time we go for a drive? Just you and me.”

“And Daddy?”

I ruffle her hair. “And Daddy.”

“I miss him.”

I roll my eyes. “Casey Maitland. He’ll be home tonight. You’ll see him then.”

She lets out a loud sigh, her hand on her heart before returning to the table where Delaney’s laid out some books for her.

“Melly is going to follow in her father’s footsteps, I think. Maybe Casey is the same?” Delaney says.

“Her father’s not an actor, but he’s pretty good at being dramatic.”

She snorts. “I shouldn’t laugh.”

“Anyway, I’m going to go and have a shower and then I’ll take over the child watch.”

Delaney smiles. “Sounds good to me. I might pop out and do some shopping of my own before picking up Melly.” She smacks her lips together. “I like having you here, Lana. I’m going to miss you when you move out.”

“Me too. Your friendship has made things so much easier.”

She tilts her head. “Hopefully you won’t be too far away. It’s been Pania and me for a long time, but I kinda like us being the three musketeers.”

It’s hard to breathe when she puts it like that. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’ve got good friends who support me.

And it’s happened because I followed my heart.

I don’t ever want to look back.

* * *

In the quiet of the bathroom, I pull out the test.

My thoughts take me back to that frightened eighteen-year-old, in a relationship with a much older man, who freaked out at the thought of being pregnant.

I’m no longer that person.

Over time, I’ve become stronger. I don’t think I was ever in love with Gareth. He swept me away until I lost myself, and then I crashed hard before picking myself up.

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