Page 32 of Nine

“What’s wrong now?”

“Nothing.” I say, standing up.

I struggle to walk with this huge sheet wrapped around me.

“It’s something. I see it in your face. What is it?” he asks. I shake my head. “Is it what you yelled out, because lots of people say shit they don’t mean during sex. Don’t worry about it.”

He slides his T-shirt over his head.

“It’s not just that. I’ve never had an orgasm during sex,” I blurt out. He spins around in slow motion. “What worries me is what if I meant what I said.”

I don’t wait for a response. I scurry off to the bathroom and sit on the cold tile floor. I’m tripping out. After a few minutes, I rationalize with myself. I had good sex, where I let Trig get into my head. We kissed. I opened myself up to him, and then he gave me an orgasm. That’s all it was. I got a little carried away and blurted out something in a fiery moment of passion. I exhale. Okay. I pull myself up, pee, and clean up my makeup in the mirror. I’m now ready to go out there and deal with the awkwardness. I open the door and Trig is standing there, right in my face.

“Come again,” he says.

Maybe I’m not so ready.

“Just forget it.”

“I don’t think so. Did you say you have never came during sex? You’re really dropping all kinds of bombs on me today.”

“I’ve come before. Just not during intercourse.” I roll my eyes.

“What, like oral or something?” he questions.

“Vibrator,” I say, and look away. “Can we just stop talking about this?”

“All of those men and not one did what I just did.”

I’m freaking out again inside. These feelings are jumbled. I’m fidgeting with the blanket.

“I don’t know what you just did. You were telling me things, and I became consumed in it all and—”

“Consumed? You liked it. Just say it.”

I look at the tattoo on his neck. Maybe that’s why I used that exact word. I was looking at it for so long while we had sex.

“Of course I liked it. Did you not see me over there?” I look at the wall. “Damn it. This is why I have rules in place, so shit like this doesn’t happen.”

“What shit? You spouting off, I love you. They’re just words, Nine.”

“Not to me they aren’t. Not the way I said them.”

“What? Are you going to tell me you never said I love you to somebody? Your mother. Your father. A grandmother. Somebody?”

I shake my head. He cocks his head back. I watch him make his way over to the bed. He sits down and looks up at me. He places his hands together.

“You’ve never had anyone tell you those words either, have you?”

I shake my head again.

He closes his eyes and licks his lips.

“You’re killing me. I’m serious. You’re breaking my heart, girl.”

Chapter 6. I Hate You

I peek out and see both of the boys outside on the back patio. They’re in deep discussion about something. Trig’s face is hard. He doesn’t look happy at all. I lean in close to the door to hear them, but I can’t hear much. Trig looks toward the glass. I jump back so he can’t see me. I’m avoiding him at all cost. I haven’t spoken to Trig since yesterday. He’s given me space and even slept on the couch in this room, per my request. I spent all day and night thinking and struggling with what’s happening to me in this cabin. I don’t like it at all. Who the hell sleeps with their hostage taker? Me. Who the hell blurts out I love you in the midst of sex with their hostage taker? Me again. I need to be on meds or something, because this isn’t normal. I really just need to get back to my old life, where things make sense. At least I know who I am there.

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