“So you thought you’d deflect your anger onto the priest rather than deal with me? Neroth didn’t deserve that.”
“Neroth professionally doesn’t take offense,” Vhannor said.
“Pretty sure that’s only true if he’s getting something out of it,” Liris said, “and he could tell as soon as we walked in that you were full of shit. You just thought you’d have an easier time winning a fight with him than trying not to throttle me or make me feel worse than I already do.”
Vhannor sighed and sunk onto the steps himself. After a moment of awkwardly towering over him, Liris dropped down beside him.
“I’m not...” He blew out a frustrated breath. “Part of occupying the position that I do is you can’t ever let people see weakness. Do you see? I represent not just Embhullor, but Special Operations.”
“Other realms wouldn’t trust you if they thought you were subject to flights of fancy, and the spellcasters you’re in charge of need to see you modeling unwavering confidence too. I get it.” Liris considered. “You’re saying the mask of icy competence has become your reality.”
He paused. “Icy?”
Liris nodded decisively. “Icy.”
He blinked his frosted lavender eyes at her and then shrugged. “Yes. I’ve lost—no. I don’t think I ever learned how to...”
Talk about his feelings. Liris waited for him to actually say it.
“...acknowledge outwardly that I am experiencing an emotion that might affect my behavior, let alone convey that verbally.”
Of course that was how he put it.
But she took the point. Once you developed the knack for shoving all your emotions to the side, it was hard to process them in a healthy way.
Or so she’d read. She obviously did not have any experience interacting with people in a normal way—but then, because of his position, neither did Vhannor.
He’d told her that, when they first arrived in Embhullor. But even before that she’d noticed his difficulty being open with her despite claiming he was making an effort, noticed his icy façade and celebrated every crack in it with a quirk of his lips or a flash of fire in his eyes. And still hadn’t really understood the full extent of the problem.
That was on her.
But while maybe she could help make him more aware, doing something about it was on him.
“If I’m supposed to be your partner,” Liris said tentatively, not sure that was at all where they were still at, “that will hinder our ability to work together effectively.”
He nodded shortly, glaring out into the city without looking at her. “Yeah.”
And that was it.
Nope. It was definitely still his turn.
Liris waited.
Finally, Vhannor unclenched his jaw and said, “You scared me, at the Gate.”
She’d guessed that. “I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “Your natural ability with patterns combined with your facility with Thyrasel’s innate power makes you able to turn any spell impossibly dangerous. And if it goes wrong, I can’t help you.”
“But you did,” Liris said, surprised. “You talked me through dispelling, kept me anchored so I didn’t get lost.”
“And if you had fainted? Tripped and hit your head? I couldn’t have saved you, when I’m the one who brought you into this to begin with.”
“It’s not your job to keep me safe.”
“What do you think being partners means, Liris? Of course it is. If I don’t have your back, who will?”
She did not want to answer that rhetorical question. “You weren’t feeling especially protective when Jadrhun was trying to recruit me.”