Page 53 of The Sundered Realms

“So you don’t teach people not to use it, then,” Liris said slowly. “You prevent knowledge of how.”

“To be honest, Liris, the only reason I’m telling you this much is because I don’t know what else you’ve read, and what you might be able to put together on your own once you know more, if you don’t know enough.”

Liris nodded, still trying to see if she could visually pinpoint where the sea ended and the barrier began. “That’s why Jadrhun dropped out of university, isn’t it?”

Vhannor propped himself up on his elbows. “Why do you think that?”

How to put this that wouldn’t get her in trouble? “He didn’t strike me as the kind of person who would be denied.”

Vhannor looked out over the water. “Once upon a time, he thought he was going to save the world. I don’t know what happened that he thinks helping demons will fix. Demons are antithetical to magic. They certainly couldn’t teach Jadrhun spells for harnessing ley magic.”

“You’ve said he was a genius,” Liris said carefully. “What if he’s found a way?”

“Then I’ll stop him,” Vhannor said, his gaze steady and unyielding.

I. For all his comments on Liris taking on a lot, he once again defaulted to taking everything on himself. Not counting her. Not counting on her.

The dry salt air suddenly felt brittle on her skin, the scent of it breathed in like inexorable failure. Liris felt the beginning of panic. She’d been lucky he considered her special at the beginning, but if he stopped—

“I didn’t see any Thyrasel in these spells, but Jiechit didn’t let me get close,” Liris said. “Was the handwriting Jadrhun’s?”

Vhannor shook his head. “There are lots of demon portals in the realms, and that one in Etorsiye is the first and so far the only one that’s ever been Jadrhun’s handiwork.”

“It could be a distraction,” Liris tried, “or a test to see what we know, to decide what to use in—“

He sat up. “Not everything is part of a mass conspiracy. Not everything fits together neatly. Humans are pattern-making machines, so we have to be extra wary of finding patterns where there aren’t any.”

Liris gripped the sand with her toes even as it slid out from under her feet.

Of course the one thing he needed her for, he didn’t actually need her for.

Patterns were what she was trained for. But even more than that, she’d learned young to look for them. Because when a person could always be punished for not following a rule that no one would tell her existed, it followed that they became hypersensitive to noticing everything and anything you might be judged for with no explanation.

Liris had been partway reassured by Vhannor’s explanation, right up until he went on to claim that the one thing that made her valuable and kept her safe was a liability.

She was aware, when they left the realm, of Jiechit watching her suspiciously, no matter what Vhannor had said. And it only reinforced how clearly she’d failed today, that Vhannor had had to rescue her.

Before today, he’d viewed her with potential. Now she was a liability to be managed, contained. Her first attempt to rise in his estimation had accomplished the exact opposite.

Chapter 8

There are countless religions throughout the Sundered Realms. Whether pre-Sundering religions addressed the existence of demons –- even metaphorically –- varied, but the ability to summon or destroy a demon, let alone what a demon actually is, has never been the province of any particular one.

Maybe the Sundering is divine punishment for the decadence of humanity, or a challenge to prove our worth to the gods, or nothing to do with them at all. All I know is that if gods do exist, they’re either not benevolent or not as powerful as many religious leaders would have their followers believe.

I won’t worship any god that demands my sacrifice. I’ve had enough of that from humans to no longer believe it has anything but extrinsic value.

It still came as a blow when on their return, Vhannor informed her he couldn’t be in charge of her martial training anymore and that Shry would take over that part of her education.

Liris knew their relationship had taken a turn, but for all his talk of trust, Liris hadn’t really thought Vhannor would consider that one failure so complete he’d write her off entirely. But since that was how he wanted it, she treated him with chilly professionalism to match his own habitual demeanor as they worked out her new curriculum.

She’d mentally conflated needing to be his partner with the only way she could matter, and that was her one actual mistake. She respected him and wanted him to respect her, but she respected him less if one failure was enough to make him give up on her.

Vhannor might no longer consider her worthy of standing at his side, but she could still stay at the university and find other ways to matter. Just because the first way she’d found was the one she was certain she wanted didn’t mean there couldn’t be others. Maybe she couldn’t choose to stop failing, but she could choose to keep trying.

Liris hadn’t run away to be his partner. She’d run away to be herself. So she would, and if that wasn’t good enough for him, then he wasn’t good enough to equal her anyway.

She didn’t want that to be true. Maybe someday she’d get used to being disappointed and it would stop bothering her so badly every time.

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