Page 46 of Secrets of Riverside

Leaning forwards, he pressed a finger to her lips, and in that connected moment, she swore she saw flames dancing in his blue eyes. The attraction between them was undeniable, but that didn’t mean she had to do something about it. On the contrary, she needed to put an end to it.

‘Whether you like it or not …’ Sitting back, she took a beat. ‘We have to talk about it.’

Sighing, Jarrah nodded. ‘I know we do.’ He sat up straighter and met her gaze once again. ‘I’m sorry for doing something so reckless and stupid.’

‘Reckless I get, but stupid?’ She couldn’t hide how much his revelation hurt. ‘Thanks for that, Jarrah.’

‘No, you’ve got it all wrong.’ He stood and came to her side of the table. ‘Do you mind?’

She scooted along the bench seat and turned towards him. ‘Keep going, because I’m all ears.’

Shifting uneasily, he wrung his hands and cleared his throat. ‘You deserve way more than a bloke shagging you in the back of a LandCruiser.’

‘Wow.’ She flinched from the stab of hurt. ‘That’s how you see what we did? A shag?’

‘No, not at all.’ He huffed. ‘Faaark me, I’m so crap at this.’ Frustration crinkled the corners of his eyes as he momentarily squeezed them shut. ‘Please, just give me a sec to find the right words.’

Seeing just how much he was struggling, she remained quiet but placed a hand on his bouncing knee, steadying him. How could she not care for the man who owned so much of her heart?

The windows to his soul met with hers and remained there. ‘I like you, Mills, a lot, probably way too much given I’ve only known you for a couple of weeks. But in a really weird way, it honestly feels like I’ve known you for most of my life.’ A wary smile surfaced. ‘And I suppose, in a way, I was hoping you feel the same about me.’

Totally blindsided, with half of her heart rejoicing and the other half retreating, she took a little bit before she could answer. ‘So you’re saying you want whatever this is to go further than the other night?’

‘Do you?’ His gaze was hopeful.

‘I’m not sure, I …’ Words got stuck in her throat. Jarrah had no idea who she was or why she was here. They were living a lie. This, them, couldn’t happen. But she desperately wanted it to. ‘I wish …’

The lump of emotion grew bigger, halting any hope she had of answering him as the fifteen years of grief she’d tried so hard to push down, to hide from the world, began to bubble to the surface, as if trying to reveal who she really was to him, so they could jump the hurdle and be together. Forever.

Stop this nonsense, Millie, right now!

Blinking faster, she struggled to take a breath as gathering tears made Jarrah’s concerned face blurry.

‘Hey, Millie, I’m here.’ His strong arms came around her. ‘Just take a breath. That’s it, slowly, hold it, then exhale.’ His voice was soothing, yet strong. ‘I’ve got you, you’re safe, and everything’s going to be okay.’

Leaning against him, she surrendered, and sobbed into his shoulder as he soothed her by stroking her back. His manly scent enveloped her, and for a few breaths, she felt weightless, safe, valued. Little did this wonderful, big-hearted man know that nothing was okay, that everything about being here felt dishonest. And deeply wrong. But for one second, followed by another, and another, she allowed herself to tumble into their false reality, where she believed that he could shield her from anything or anyone ever hurting her again. And as he held her close, she permitted him to peek over the wall she’d so methodically built, so he could see all the broken bits of her, and somehow, in his own unique way, make her feel whole again. Because she sincerely trusted he’d be able to do just that. If only she could allow herself to freely love him, and for him to freely love her. But that meant telling him exactly who she was and why she was here. And by doing that she had a gut feeling she’d find out exactly who he was, and why she was lured here, to be around him, to get to know him. What if he’d been involved in the deaths of her family? The extreme thought jarred her, terrified her. Inhaling one last breath of him, she quickly untangled from his arms and slid out of his reach.

‘Millie, please, let me help you.’

She shook her head. She didn’t want to believe that he was capable of such evil. The silence between them lengthened, stretched, and then reached a point of being uncomfortable.

‘Are you going to be okay?’ His tone was so gentle, so caring.

Taking a deep breath, she nodded. ‘As okay as I can be, yes.’

His hand went to reach for her, but then dropped back to his side. ‘Is there anything I can do to make this easier on you?’

‘Thanks, Jarrah,’ she said hurriedly. ‘Honestly, I’ll be fine. You’ve got enough on your plate, you don’t need to worry about me.’ She stood and eased out from behind the table. ‘I’m going to go now, thanks for dinner.’

And before she broke down again and allowed him to comfort her once more, she hightailed it across the verandah, down the steps, and into the enclosing darkness without looking back.

CHAPTER

15

Tommy, Millie, Tommy, Millie ... why do the two people I care for the most in this world have to be so far out of my reach?

Tossing and turning for what felt like the hundredth time, Jarrah rolled onto his side and squinted at his alarm clock to see 3.23 am glaring back at him. A quick glance through his parted curtains confirmed this to be true, as a sea of brightly sparkling stars pinpricked the velvet black sky. The burdens weighing down upon his heart had meant he hadn’t slept a wink, and he was done with trying everything from counting backwards to counting sheep, then cows, then chickens for heaven’s sake, to the last resort of listening to a guided sleep meditation that did nothing but annoy him when the person kept telling him how to breathe. Thanks to his spiralling thoughts of both Tommy and Millie, his lack of sleep would undoubtedly be an unwelcome guest throughout his long day ahead.

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