Page 59 of Secrets of Riverside

The lines in her forehead etched a little deeper. ‘Okay, well, if it’s just for one person, that will be eighty-five dollars, to be paid upfront please.’

‘Yes, of course, I want to hit the road nice and early so that will be better anyway.’ She rustled in her handbag and tugged out her purse. Grabbing a hundred-dollar bill, she passed it over. ‘Here you go.’

‘Thank you, I’ll just grab you some change.’ As she passed fifteen dollars back, she smiled now, gentle, kind even. ‘Are you okay, love? You look a little pale.’

Her throat went tight. ‘Yes, I’m just tired from the long drive.’

‘Okay.’ The woman held out a set of keys. ‘Here you go, room number eleven, just down the end of the block. You can park right out front.’

‘Thank you.’

‘We’re also still serving dinner.’ The woman glanced at her watch. ‘For another half an hour or so.’

‘Okay, thank you.’ Feeling as if she were about to burst into tears, Millie began taking backward steps towards the door. ‘I might grab something once I’ve settled in for the night.’

‘Yes, you do that.’ The woman nodded towards Millie’s belly. ‘I’d say your little one might be hungry.’

Millie’s jaw dropped open. ‘How do you know I’m pregnant?’

‘By the way your hands are resting protectively there.’ The woman sucked in a quick breath. ‘I can also organise for a sandwich and some fruit for you to take on the road with you tomorrow morning, if you like?’

Her tears were building. ‘That’s so kind of you, thank you.’

Escaping the office just in time for a fresh flood of tears, she quickly made her way over to her Jimny, drove the short distance to the hotel room, parked, and then went inside. As soon as she shut and locked the door behind her she plucked a tissue from the box on the bedside table and dabbed her cheeks. Sinking down on the side of the bed, she looked around her room. She’d cried so much she was surprised she had any tears left. And her eyelids felt like sandpaper every time she blinked. She needed a sweet cup of tea. Rising then flicking the kettle on, she popped two sugars into the mug along with a teabag. While she waited for her brew, she dared to turn her phone back on. It pinged and dinged with messages; some texts, some voice. Pressing voicemail then holding the phone to her ear, she held her breath.

‘Millie, please, don’t leave like this.’ Jarrah’s recorded voice sounded hollow, raw, desperate. ‘I’m begging you, please come back so I can explain how I had nothing to do with your family’s deaths, or this letter you got.’

Her heart squeezed super tight as she waited for the next message.

‘Millie, please …’ Jarrah’s voice broke off in a sob. ‘Nothing’s what you think it is. I took the rap for something I didn’t do.’

Could he be innocent? Surely not, if he’d gone to prison. She almost hung up before the last message but couldn’t bring herself to.

‘It’s me, Jarrah. I really wish you hadn’t left like this, but I get it. I’m so sorry, Millie. One day I hope I get the chance to fix this. And just so you know, it was my damn father who sent you that letter.’

His father? Why would a parent do that to his very own son? She really wanted to believe him. But how could she when they’d been living a lie for the past six weeks? His pain stung her heart but she wasn’t going to call him back. Dropping the phone, she wrapped her arms around herself, at the same time wishing it was his arms she was encased within. What a crazy thing it was, to want comfort from the man who’d stolen so much from her. The very same man who was now the father of her baby. The baby she needed to take care of. A nice hot shower, followed by some dinner, and hopefully a bit of sleep before hitting the road again nice and early, would be one small step in the right direction.

Showered and tucked up in bed, with her dinner having been delivered a couple of minutes earlier, Millie tried to put her life into some kind of perspective. With the initial shock of her pregnancy subsiding, she felt the flicker of euphoria at the life growing inside of her as she stared out at the raindrops pelting against her hotel window. Torn between returning to Riverside Acres to hear what Jarrah had to say, or going back to her life in Sydney, she felt as if she was halfway between two very different worlds, two very different paths, and at the same time stuck in the middle of nowhere. Her hands went to her belly, and she blinked back another onslaught of tears. Jarrah’s admission, through his lack of a response, burnt right through her heart and into her soul. The utter pain of his betrayal shocked her to her very core. But it didn’t change the fact that this baby deserved a father, or to at least know of him. How was she going to navigate that?

‘What should I do, little one?’ she whispered, smiling softly through her distress. ‘That’s right, just let everything fall into place, exactly as it’s meant to.’ The priest’s advice had stuck with her, but time would tell if his words were true.

Munching down on the hamburger she’d ordered, she thoroughly enjoyed the first mouthful, and the next. And the side of chips was nice and crunchy too. But then, halfway through her meal, a wave of dizziness washed over her and her stomach roiled in protest at the greasy meat. Clambering from the bed, she had to momentarily rest against the wall. The room closed in on her, and she felt suffocatingly warm. She dashed towards the bathroom and made it to the toilet just in time to drop to her knees and heave until there was nothing left. Wiping her mouth with some toilet paper, she remained on the floor for fear of falling over if she stood up. Pulling her knees to her chest, she leant her head forwards and allowed the racking sobs to overcome her. She felt so alone, so broken, so hurt. She wasn’t too sure how long she stayed like that, or what brought her back to her feet. But she found herself taking steps towards the front door. She made sure it was locked from the inside, and then turned out the lights.

Resting back on the hotel bed, she snuggled beneath the doona. Beyond the room, the glow of streetlights reached through the frosted windows and between the curtains. If she left them ajar, at least the sun would wake her nice and early first thing. As she settled deeper into her pillow, tears welled up and rolled freely down her cheeks. Tonight, she was going to cry herself to sleep. Tomorrow, she would get in her car, snap her seatbelt into place, and then decide which way she would turn out of the hotel’s driveway. Her heart was saying one way and her head was saying the other. Maybe some sleep would put the tug of war to rest. But one thing was for certain. She could never, ever forget what Jarrah and his gang of thugs had stolen from her that godawful night, let alone find a way to forgive him.

***

A week after the love of his life had left, Jarrah had rolled from his shambolic bed well before dawn, sleepless, shirtless and barefoot. Then he’d wandered around, his head everywhere else but where it needed to be – here and focused on Riverside Acres. But for the life of him, he couldn’t stop replaying the images of Millie driving away, all the while his boots rooted to the ground and his heart heavier than he’d ever felt it. He’d almost raced after her, when her taillights had disappeared into the distance, so he could tell her everything. But what good was it going to do? She hated him. She never wanted to see him again. She’d made all of this crystal clear. And he couldn’t blame her. He’d still been standing there ten minutes later when a tap on his shoulder from Tommy had snapped him out of his rigidity.

Feeling like a man lost in a fog, he tossed his half-eaten piece of toast into the garden below and squeezed the bridge of his nose. Closing his eyes, he rested his head back against the day bed and heaved a sigh worthy of blowing half the world over. It was yet another day he’d have to get through with this heaviness in his heart, and the unbearable weight of Millie’s suffering upon his shoulders. Not that he was sorry for himself; there was no room for self-pity in this situation. All he cared about was Millie, and how she was coping, what she was doing, where she was. She hadn’t answered any of his calls or replied to any of his text messages. He didn’t want to give up trying to contact her, but there was a point when he had to accept she didn’t want to speak to him.

With sunrise done and dusted, the day had well and truly begun, so it was time to get on with it. He tugged on his R.M. Williams then came to his feet, his boot heels punching out a steady staccato rhythm as he walked across the back verandah. In the coolness of the kitchen, he placed his empty cup into the dishwasher and then stared out at the sun sitting high behind the mountain ranges. He’d done everything in his power to leave the shadows of that night behind. But he now knew he’d been a fool to believe that his past would never catch up with him, because it had outrun him good and proper. And it had caught up with him in the form of the most mesmerising woman he’d ever met.

His mind went back to the week before, when Millie had realised who he was. The hurt and disappointment in her eyes had haunted him ever since. Knowing just how much he’d unwittingly broken her heart broke him. He’d allowed himself to fall for her, to love her, without knowing exactly who she was. But in his defence, it had been out of his control. She was impossible to resist. She’d captivated him from the second he’d laid eyes on her. He’d been a goner, putty in her hands, from the get-go. All along, even if he’d denied it to himself, he’d known she was the one, the woman he wanted by his side. He fantasised about her being his wife, the mother of his children. But that was all before he realised she was the girl he’d carried from the fire as the rest of her family had burned to death.

As he strode from the homestead and into his day, the events of the past month rolled over in his mind once again, and piece by piece, it was all starting to come together. He felt as if his heart had been hollowed out by her departure. And he couldn’t bear the thought of living the rest of his days feeling like this. Missing her like this. He couldn’t give up on her, on there ever being a them. He had to at least try to get her to listen. And then he had to find the fortitude to tell her the whole heartbreaking truth, with not one detail missing. For if he didn’t, it would be the deepest regret he’d ever have to carry to his grave.

Finally firm on his decision, a wild, desperate, buoyant rush came over him. Nothing short of a bullet to his heart was going to stop him getting to Millie. Or Amelia Price. It all depended on who he wanted to see her as. Either way they were two of the same, just with very different life paths. In one, he’d saved her life, and this time round, she’d innocently save him from himself.

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