Page 120 of Lee

“Yes. I’ve been listening at church and spending time with the Halversons, and I need to understand how to have what they—and you and Al—have.”

“I’m more than happy to tell you about that,” Essie said as she returned to her task. “First off, do you have any specific questions about it?”

Rori considered all the thoughts that had been in her head over the past few weeks, trying to sort through everything. “I think I’m a good person. I mean, I try to treat people kindly and with respect. Would God really tell me I’m not good enough for Heaven?”

Essie nodded without hesitation. “Most of us would assume that if we follow the rules and are generally good people, we’d be good enough for God. However, God views it differently. In His eyes, we are born sinners.”

“What do you mean?”

“The Bible tells us that we are all sinners. It doesn’t matter if the sin is big or small. It’s all sin, and as sinners, we can’t gain entrance to Heaven. Not on our own.”

The word sinner seemed harsh to Rori, but she didn’t argue about it with Essie. She wasn’t there to have an argument. She wanted to know what to do.

“But God provided a way for us to gain entrance into Heaven when He sent Jesus, His only Son, to die on the cross for our sins.” Essie covered the bowl with a cloth and set it to the side. “All we have to do is acknowledge that we are a sinner, and then accept the gift God gave us when Jesus died for our sins. In doing so, we have eternal life with Him.”

Rori mulled over what Essie had told her as she sipped her coffee. Was it really that simple? Really?

“But I’m not perfect,” Rori said. “What happens if I sin again? Do I lose my place in Heaven?”

Essie shook her head. “God knows that we aren’t perfect. But what He wants from us is a desire to strive to live in a way that honors and glorifies Him. When we do sin, we must ask Him for forgiveness.”

Rori nodded, wondering if she’d always know if she sinned. She knew the big sins, of course. Murder. Stealing. Lying. But were there more? The last thing she wanted was to get into a situation where she sinned and didn’t realize it. Hopefully, with time, she’d become more aware of what she needed to ask God’s forgiveness for.

“One thing I would encourage you to do is to search your heart regarding the situation with your mom.”

Rori frowned. “What do you mean?”

“I know that we haven’t talked about how things are with her and your family, but I’ve seen enough that I know she isn’t the mother she should be to you. If you have anger and resentment in your heart toward her, you need to let that go and ask God’s forgiveness for it.”

“I need to forgive her?” Rori asked. “Even though she’s never said she’s sorry?”

When Essie didn’t reply right away, Rori tilted her head to look at the woman. She saw compassion on her face.

“The Lord’s prayer in the Bible has a part that asks God to forgive us as we’ve forgiven those who sin against us. So if we don’t forgive, why should God forgive us?”

Rori frowned as she stared down at her partially eaten cinnamon roll. Could she do that? If she was required to forgive in order to be forgiven, could she do it?

“It is freeing to forgive,” Essie said softly.

“You’ve had to forgive someone you didn’t want to?”

Essie wiped down the counter, her expression tight. “I lost my brother because of a drunk driving accident when he was just fifteen years old. The drunk driver was my cousin. He survived but my brother didn’t. I struggled for a long time, particularly since he refused to take accountability for what happened.”

“But you still forgave him?”

“I did. I had to. The anger I felt toward him was tying me up in knots. It affected my relationships with my family. I hated everyone.”

Rori had a hard time imagining Essie like that because she’d never seen any signs that the woman had those tendencies.

“But God met me in my anger one night at church and gave me the strength I needed to forgive Bruce. I couldn’t have done that on my own. But in my weakness, God was strong.”

It was hard to deny the power of God when she saw the person Essie was now compared to who she said she’d been before. Rori wanted to be able to let go of the hurt that had built up over the years.

Though she tried to tell herself that it didn’t matter. That they couldn’t really hurt her. That she didn’t need them. The truth was that deep down, the hurt and anger lingered, simmering.

But she knew that she wanted to begin her Christian life without being chained down by the pain and anger of her past.

“Do you have more questions?” Essie asked. “This is an important conversation, so if you have any, I’m happy to answer them.”

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