She bites back a smile. “Really? Why didn’t you say anything? I thought you hated me.”
“No… I compare everyone to you. I just… I don’t trust myself around you, so I stayed away. I mean, even now… I’m just not sure what we do with this. Every plan I’ve thought of ruins our relationships with everyone.”
“Yeah.” She swallows hard and looks away, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “That’s the thing. We can’t be together. I know that. Deep down, I do. Maybe we needed to say our feelings out loud so we could get some closure.”
“I don’t think I can live that way, knowing you feel the same. It was one thing when I thought it was just me. I can’t go on now like nothing happened.”
“You have to.” She wipes away another tear. “This is for the best.”
I don’t want to leave. I want to stay and talk this out, spend the night together, make sense of these feelings, kiss her, touch her, comfort her… but I’m not sure what good any of that would do.
“For the record, I really could use your help with the plans for my shop.”
“Yeah, of course. We can go over them tonight if you want to.”
She smiles. “No. I think you have other plans tonight.” She sighs as though she’s collecting herself. “I’m sorry I was such a brat earlier. I feel better now knowing that at least you don’t hate me.”
I hold her small hands in mine. “I couldn’t hate you. Not ever.”
Bryan hollers from downstairs and I know I have to move, but all I’m thinking about is when I get to come back again.
Chapter Three
Iris
My sister Collette sits speechless on the other end of the line. She’s the oldest of us three sisters and she’s by far the most down to Earth. If something doesn’t make logical sense to her, she doesn’t explore it. And now, I think I’ve blown her mind.
“Okay, let’s talk this through.” Her tone is flat as she says, “Let’s say for giggles that you two decide to pursue a relationship. You’ll tell Bryan. Bryan will freak out like Bryan does, and he’ll cut Cooper from his life. That part is a given. By default, you’ll get cut too, and that means no more family gatherings, no more twins, no more Shanna. It’ll be you and Cooper and whatever separate family stuff you guys have. Of course, you know Kenzie and I will be there, but…”
“I know,” I sigh, “that’s why I’m struggling.”
“I mean, at least you know you’re not crazy. He has feelings for you too. That has to mean something.”
“It does, but it might be worse. If I thought this was all in my head, I could move on someday. Now, I can’t help but wonder what we could be.”
“Well, aside from everything I just described, you’d also be taking him to doctors’ appointments and watching episodes of Judge Judy on the regular. He’s a stone’s throw away from fifty years old, Iris! You’ve lost your mind!”
My sister’s bluntness can be hilarious sometimes. “He’s not that close. He’s still got years before then.”
“Fifty plus or minus a few years is still fifty. So, let’s call it like it is… he’s fifty. You’re twenty-two. You’ve just started your life, so of course you feel attached to him. He was a prominent male figure in your life, but that doesn’t mean you grow up and marry him.”
“I don’t think you understand how I feel. I can’t help but imagine a life with him, ya know? A cabin in the mountains, making breakfast together every morning, taking showers together at night. We’d be so happy together.”
“You just described a fantasy, Iris. Come on. You have to know that nothing ever goes like you want it to in your head. Take my life for instance. I fantasized about being married by thirty. I thought I’d have two kids with the man of my dreams, and a cabin built by our love. Instead, I live in Wyoming, have no direction, and I’m currently lusting after the man I knew I loved all along instead of the man who knocked me up. Real life is just that… real. What you’re describing is fiction. Plain and simple.” Collette takes a pause to seemingly recenter her argument. “Have you even thought about how opinionated Cooper can get? He has always had to be right. It can be… a lot.”
“That’s the thing.” I brush back a strand of hair and stare out the bedroom window, watching Cooper and Alaina make a lap around the lake. Just seeing them together makes my teeth grind. “I know we’ll argue, but I want that too. I like how Cooper gets all bossy. I want him to tell me no. I want to argue with him then make up again, and I want to struggle so we can succeed together.”
“You’re romanticizing everything. Some of it will just be bad, Iris. I love you. You’re my baby sister and I want you to be happy, but I genuinely think being happy might mean letting go of Cooper.”
I let out a heavy breath and shut my eyes. Deep down, I hear what she’s saying. Way, way, way deep down, I know she’s right. As much as I want a life with Cooper, the logistics just don’t line up. He’s a grown man. A very successful, grown man. My life is chaotic and crazy. I’d only be dragging him down… and for what? Is the goal to ruin every relationship he has… for me?
“You remember that thing Dad used to say when we were out fishing?”
“Dad said a lot of stuff.” I smile, thinking about my dad. He was a big, rough guy, but he was so sweet. Every trip we made out on Sunday, he’d come home with something for Mom. A bundle of wildflowers, a pinecone, a stone he’d found by the water that reminded him of her. He set the bar for me, and I’m not sure anyone but Cooper will ever reach it.
“The one plus one thing.”
I laugh. “Yeah, I remember that. One plus one doesn’t always equal two.”