Page 13 of Protected By my Brothers Best Friend

For a second, I feel bad. I know Collette has her own world of issues going on. She’s in love with one man, and pregnant by another. It’s a mess. “I told you I’d help with that when I got back into town. How are you feeling?”

“Terrible heartburn this afternoon, so I’m eating crackers and pretending they’re ice cream sandwiches. Have you had an ice cream sandwich lately? They’re good. Like really good.”

“I haven’t, but I meant how are you emotionally? You sounded kind of shaken earlier and we never really talked about it.”

“Oh, I’m fine. You know… just trying to figure out my life. I wish Dad were here. He’d figure out my math for me.”

“That always puzzled me about you.”

“What?”

“How you’re so good at figuring everyone else’s life out, but you struggle with your own.”

The metal clanking continues. “I know what I need to do, but I can’t pull the trigger. Does that make sense?”

I don’t know, but I say I do anyway. “Sure. Well, I can help you with your math.”

She laughs. “Really? That sounds great. Let’s hear it.”

“Well… you love Max. You’ve always loved him. If you were being true to yourself, you’d have stayed with him, and you’d probably be having his baby right now. At least to me, the math says you should call him.”

“What if he rejects me?” she says, her voice shaking. I don’t think I’ve ever heard Collette’s voice shake. “I’m six months pregnant with another man’s baby. I’m pretty sure that variable removes all my odds for success. It’s a zero sum game, Iris.”

My stomach turns as I contemplate my next words carefully. There’s a lot of pressure in giving people advice. “The math on that is simple. Max loves you. He’s always loved you. Trust in that.”

“Blind faith in something that can end miserably isn’t really mathematically sound,” she says with a small chuckle.

“I guess.” I rock Sienna on my chest as I sneak out of the bedroom quietly.

“I have to say, though, you might have a chance to test your theory.”

“What do you mean?” The light in the hallway is dim and I walk forward avoiding the spots on the steps that creek, though I doubt I’ll miss them all.

“Well, your hormones are taking over.”

“Did I say something about hormones?”

“Not directly, but it got me thinking. Maybe you two should have sex and get it out of your systems. I doubt you’ll feel the same afterward. I know it’s worked for me a few times. All these endorphins cloud things. Give them a release and see what happens.”

“So… you’re giving me permission to have sex with him? Are you okay? Do you need help?”

She laughs. “Permission implies I have control. I don’t. I’m just using your own advice back on you.”

“I didn’t tell you to sleep with Max.”

“No, you reminded me that there was love there at one point, and that I should explore that thought. You and Cooper love each other. Explore it in a way that you can manage. You don’t want regrets like me.”

My heart aches for Collette. I know she’s in a tough spot and I want to fix it for her. “I love you. I’ll be back tomorrow night. We’ll finish that crib and this conversation. You go take a bath or watch TV and relax.”

“Call me after you fuck him.” I can hear her grin through the phone.

The baby coos and I bounce her gently against my chest before saying my goodbyes and hanging up the line.

I know that wasn’t real permission, but at least she gave me some advice that I want to hear. Fuck him. Get it out of my system. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe we’ve both been amped with hormones for years and we’ve been holding each other back from living a full life because of it. Maybe, we just need to do it and we’ll both feel better and the whole telling Bryan thing won’t matter because we’ll immediately have the ick.

I carry Sienna downstairs, holding the railing as I walk. She’s so tiny in my arms and she smells like cotton and baby powder. What is it about babies that smells so good? It’s like their skin hasn’t been permeated with the stench of bad decisions yet.

Cooper is at the base of the stairs holding a bottle in his giant hand. His baseball cap is turned back, and he’s oozing machismo. “I can take her.”

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