Page 23 of The Kill

Instead of being disgusted, as I thought I’d be, I’m jealous. The green-eyed monster is strong, and my insides burn with envy. My fingers grip the counter as my vision waivers. The idea of my mate seeking another woman to satisfy his needs devastates my wolf in a way I didn’t know possible.

Not only does it make me angry, it makes me feel less-than. Could I have helped? Should he not have come to his mate first if he needed help?

A little voice inside my head sneers that if I’d asked him anything about himself, shown even a little bit of interest in him, maybe it wouldn’t have come to this.

Lucian is utterly confused by my stunned reaction.

“He did it for you, you know? He waited this long since his last feed because of you.” Lucian shrugs again, not fully appreciating the impact his words are having on me. “But he’s only human, excuse the pun. His body is weak. If he starved himself any longer, he wouldn’t be able to keep healing himself.”

“Right.” Nodding distractedly, I scrape the rest of my food into the bin, my appetite lost.

I wish I didn’t know where he was. Today was pretty good, but this is an unwelcome reminder that I don’t really know Tyson or understand him very well.

Maybe it’s normal for vampires to take blood from anyone, like it’s no big deal. Maybe that’s what he meant when he said I’m not ready for this.

“It’s a lot for someone who hasn’t experienced it to take in. Would you have… wanted to help him?” Lucian asks diplomatically.

I don’t know. I’m not sure I'm ready for such a big step, especially if that bite could bind us forever. I’m also not sure I’ll ever be ready for a world where my mate disappears off in the night to feed from another woman.

Is that what he’d want, or would feeding from me be enough? Tyson should be here explaining this to me, answering my questions.

But he’s not, and I can’t help dwelling on where he is.

Giving Lucian an awkward wave, I stumble unseeing from the room and numbly go through the motions of getting ready for bed. My thoughts go round and round in circles, and I can’t sleep.

Instead, I sit by the rose window in my room until I see his dark wolf slinking across the lawn under the cover of darkness. When I hear his heavy footsteps on the stairs, I glance over to check that my chair is firmly in place under the door handle. Relieved he’s home but still unable to think about where he’s been, I climb onto the bed and slide under the sheets.

As before, Tyson pauses outside my door. I hear a soft tap, his fingertips resting on the wood. He sighs, sounding tired and disappointed. He’s not the only one.

I wait, not sure whether I want him to keep going or to knock on my door. Eventually, he moves away and I close my eyes to stop the tears that sting my eyes from coming. Ridiculous, considering we’re not together, and that I came here under duress. But still… he is my mate.

Cursing my soft heart, I curl up and close my eyes, knowing that my dreams aren’t going to be happy ones.

14

TYSON

Unsurprisingly, when I drag my exhausted body home in the early hours of the morning, I can tell from the shadows under the door that Mandy has erected her barricade again. She’s not asleep on the floor tonight. Maybe that’s progress?

Shaking my head, I force my feet to keep moving. It’s killing me that she’s so close and yet so far.

I kick off my shoes and fall forward onto the bed. Face-planting in the soft duvet, I have no energy left to undress or even turn my head to avoid suffocating. Hours of running with nothing to show for it but debilitating guilt and the desire to scrub my despicable mouth out with soap.

“Have fun?”

Lucian’s voice comes from the corner of my room and the low growl that accompanies it tells me he’s not alone. I groan around a mouthful of Egyptian cotton, mentally willing them to leave me alone.

But, of course, they won’t.

These are the waifs and strays I’ve brought into my home, and, because I’m not officially the owner, or their guardian, they think they have a say.

“Not really,” I grunt. “Tired. Going to sleep.” Army crawling up the bed, I pull a pillow over my head. That’s a pretty big hint that I’m not interested in chatting, but once again, they choose to remain oblivious to the non-verbal cues I’m throwing out there.

“Did you feed?” Lucian asks, sounding pissed off, despite it being his idea.

“No,” I admit reluctantly. Lifting the corner, I peer out from underneath, wondering the reason behind the question.

“Good.” What? He stares hard at the floor, his face glum. “I think… I think it’s probably not right to feed from someone else. Other than Mandy, I mean.”

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