Page 28 of Deep Connection

I didn’t care if she was excited or not, I just wanted to see her. As much as I tried to keep things different between us, I wondered if that was ever going to happen. I didn’t like how this felt to be away from her. I didn’t like the distance at all. It bothered me to no end and when Dana told me why she didn’t know where Abigail was, I understood that Abigail had done it on purpose. She was keeping her trail cold, so I had no idea where she was. I was so annoyed with all of it. Why had she gone so far? I hated to think of reasons why.

I left Dana not knowing anything more, except that Abigail had gone through quite a bit of trouble to make sure that everything was just right. I had to find her, had to make sure that she was okay and yeah, there was a big part of me that wanted to see her for the first time in person. I had wanted to see what she looked like since I’d met her. Now, she was nowhere to be seen and I swore if something had happened to her, Dr. Griffin was going to pay for it in the worst way that I could possibly think of.

The same question kept coming up. Why? Why would she run from me? I wanted to make sure she was okay, so why didn’t she want to see me? Had something more happened? Had there been something said that I didn’t hear but should have? I didn’t understand any of it and I wanted to know why. I wasn’t going to be able to let it go.

Seeing was still something I had to get used to. I had been blind for only a short while, but it felt like a lifetime. At first, I let people know that I could see them again in town. They would notice, but that became too much. I was trying to explain why my eyes were different colors and the miracle of it all. I was still pretty bitter about it, but the miracle was still there, no matter how Dr. Griffin had taken it. I was always going to owe him for that, thus why I hadn’t killed him when I got free. He was on borrowed time, that’s what I told him. I’d been too worried about Abigail, and I wanted to keep him alive to make sure that I could come back and get information out of him. It was all I could do to keep him alive, when my first knee-jerk reaction was to kill him immediately.

So, that meant that I had to keep looking. Dana didn’t know anything. No one in town seemed to know anything either. It would appear that Abigail had fallen off the face of the Earth. That’s what it felt like. How was I supposed to find her like that? I had no leads and since she hadn’t told anyone where she went, I was going to have to deep-dive into her life and find her another way. Something was pulling me in, and I knew for sure that I had to find her. I didn’t know what was going to be accomplished or if she would want to see me, not likely after all this running. Either way though, I had to know that she was okay. She had been put in danger because of me and the only way I was going to be able to forgive myself was to see that she was alright. I likely wouldn’t get to touch her, but to see that she was okay would be enough. To see her just once…

I finally had to get some help from some of my military buddies. There was a lot that needed to be done, and I knew a couple of guys that could find anyone and that was what I needed. Abigail was obviously hiding from me, try explaining that, and I had to know that she was okay. I couldn’t accept that she was just going to be gone. I wasn’t going to be able to just walk away. If she didn’t want me, if she told me to my face that we weren’t to be together, I could accept that. I had to hear it though, in person and damn it, I wanted to see her.

It didn’t happen as quickly as I thought it would. When I got the guys to help me, I had imagined that it would be a few days, tops, and I would have my answer. I would know where she was, and Abigail would be in my arms in no time at all. This was the fantasy that I had running in my head. It did me no good though, the reality of it was far different.

“Greg, give me something, anything.”

Greg was silent on the line. This was the same guy that I had called three times a day for about three months. He was supposed to tell me what was going on, where Abigail was, but that hadn’t happened. Instead, I had no idea where she was and though there had been a few leads, they never amounted to anything, which was hard for me to handle. As much as I wanted Abigail found, even though I had multiple people, the best people looking for her, it didn’t matter. That was a lot to take on, and I knew that it made me add pressure to those around me that were trying to help. I could hear Greg’s own empathy for me evaporating.

“I have nothing more than when I talked to you this morning, Jason. You need to chill out. It will happen. This is just like before the storm, enjoy the quiet. She will be found, and it will be alright. If she would have been killed, we would have found her. She is running, that’s different.”

“She is just a civilian, Greg. I don’t see how she is running so well. She must have help. Is there anyone…”

Greg sighed. “You know that we have already looked into that angle, several times. No one is helping her, she said nothing to no one. She planned this and maybe you need to think about that. Why is she so determined to stay away from you?”

I was the one that paused this time, because I didn’t want to tell the truth. I had put her in danger, Dr. Griffin had scared her, and that was all I knew. I wanted to ask her that very question, as well as so many more. It was the only way that I would be able to move forward. I needed closure.

“Because of me, someone tried to hurt her.” I had admitted it before, but this time I swear it took a little piece of my soul to say. While there was a part of me that wasn’t going to sleep until I had eyes on her, I was so damn tired to my core.

“Maybe staying away from you is for the best,” Greg said slowly. I know that several had wanted to tell me that. I wasn’t usually this way with women, and I am sure it was strange for them to see me this way, like I was under some spell or something. They just didn’t understand.

“It likely is, but I can’t. I will call you tonight to see if anything has come up.”

“Roger that,” Greg said, less annoyed and likely pitying me more than ever before. I heard it in my own voice, the desperation. Abigail had turned me inside out, and she wasn’t even there to see it.

When they finally did find Abigail, it was another month. I was so excited, but also so nervous that I could barely think straight. Instead of trying to figure out what was wrong with me, I just ignored it all. There was nothing else that I could do, not right now. I had to get to her, and I didn’t want to hear anymore. I hung up on Greg, telling myself that he would understand, and I would make it up to him somehow. I didn’t know what I would do but knew that it would be something. I could see again, I had finally found Abigail, I had a new lease on life, and I wasn’t going to let it get to me.

Nothing was standing in my way to find Abigail. She had changed her name and went further away than I would have imagined. The way that she acted, how she had told no one, I knew that she was hiding from me. It told me that what had happened with the Dr. was worse than I thought, or my own words had broken her heart. I had been brought there to make her leave to save her life and I was able to do that. It was a good moment, but I never would have imagined that she would have taken it to heart and broken away from me so much. It really didn’t make any sense to me. Why hadn’t she been able to see through it and to know the truth? I felt like it was a lot easier to see than to not see.

I was mad at her, mad at me. I had worked on myself in the last couple of months, even though finding her had been my top priority. I also wanted to be ready when we did see each other again. I wasn’t going to let her go. For so long I’d thought that I was broken and maybe I was, but I just realized that everyone is broken in one way or another.

The address that Greg gave me was over a thousand miles away and I had to take a flight to get there. Had they thought to look that far away? I would have never imagined she was on the other side of the country. Most people stay close to home and familiar places. Abigail wasn’t that way. She had cut ties and ran off to be all by herself. I had to admire her, but at the same time, I felt horrible about it as well. This was all my fault. I couldn’t get that feeling out of my head and I didn’t want to.

The whole flight I was fidgety and dying to know what was going on, but then I was finally there. I touched down, got a rental car, and made my way to her address. I was so full of emotions, but none of them could prepare me for what I saw when I got there. As soon as I saw Abigail, I knew it was her. I recognized the light tinkling laugh as she excused herself, and then I knew that soft hair that I’d sent my fingers into.

“Abigail!”

She looked over to me from a profile and the color drained from her face. I knew quickly why she was hiding from me, or rather I knew one of the reasons why. She was pregnant and I was speechless, as was Abigail. We just looked at each other, me waiting for her to respond. She didn’t though, not right at first. She just kept staring back, until finally she said something else. “It’s actually nice to see you, Jason.”

24

Abigail

Jason just materialized out of nowhere and he was then standing in front of me. It was hard to see him, looking so good, and for a minute I forgot everything. I forgot that I was carrying his child and had run away. I forgot that I was halfway on the other side of the country to keep this meeting from happening. I likely forgot my own name as well. I’d never been so tongue-tied in all of my life.

He said my name, the soft words on his lips and his eyes held astonishment. He naturally thought that the baby was his and it was, but that didn’t mean that I wanted him to know. I had gone through great pains to keep some distance between us.

“What is this?” Jason wondered aloud. He was asking the question to the universe, not just me. He barely looked me in my eyes. I knew that he was shocked, but I didn’t like it either. I had played out what would happen if he found out about my pregnancy. I had it going so differently in my head. He wasn’t looking at me scared like he was now. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I didn’t think I was going to have anything come to me. I was lost in the moment, us just staring at each other. I swear he could see me…

Finally, I took a deep breath and said hello. He scoffed at the word. “You are going to have to say more than hello, Abigail.” He bit the words out and threw me off.

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