Page 69 of Little Do You Know

It’s too bad it’s not enough to say sorry. I wish I knew what would be enough.

~

I’ve been staring at the ceiling for what has felt like hours, resisting the urge to toss and turn. Penelope has a flight out in the morning, so she needs all the rest she can get. I feel like I haven’t slept in nights and I’m just sleepwalking through days.

The blankets covering me feel like they’re suffocating me, and I can’t take it anymore. I slip out from under them, feeling my hands shake as I open the door to wander. Out here, I can be as restless as possible without worrying about disturbing Penelope’s sleep.

Except the first thing I see whenever I leave my room is Sebastian’s. The constant reminder that he’s here is hard.

The kitchen is quiet, and I feel like I can breathe again. I should sleep. Lord knows I don’t get enough of it under normal circumstances. My mind won’t shut off, constantly replaying moments in my brain that have led me to where I am.

I can’t help looking in the fridge to get the bottle of red cabernet I bought earlier, pouring myself a glass.

I wander to the table where my computer rests, and I take a drink to flip through photos of the beach trip on my birthday again. I’m looking for any sign that Bash was truthful when he said he didn’t know what he’d do without me.

Not that it matters.

A few minutes later, I hear a creak in the floorboards, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it is. I hold my breath, waiting for him to come in, but he hovers in the cover of darkness. My heart is pounding in my chest, and my hands feel clammy. I haven’t been alone with him in a room yet. It’s much easier thinking about what I’ll do or say next time I see Sebastian than actually doing it.

“You don’t have to hide. It’s still your apartment,” I mumble, just loud enough for him to hear. I hope he doesn’t hear how my voice is shaking.

Sebastian steps into view, looking at me with uncertainty. It makes me feel a little better that he looks about as shitty as I feel. Dark bags are under his eyes, and the scruff on his face has grown long. If he lets it go any longer, he’ll be well on his way to the same hideous beard Owen had.

“I just came out to get a glass of water,” he says hoarsely.

I look back at the screen. I’m too tired to play games tonight. I take a long drink of the dry wine, trying to ignore that he’s in the same room as me.

Sebastian’s presence is hard to ignore, especially when I can feel him staring at me. “Do you need something, or will you stare at me until you go back to hiding in your room?” I ask harshly, glancing over at him.

“Since you’re avoiding me, this will probably be the only time I get to look at you to make sure…” Sebastian trails off, holding the glass of water in his right hand.

“To make sure what? That I was serious about us being over?”

His jaw clenches tightly. “To make sure that you’re okay. Last time I saw you, you were drunk and stumbling away from me.”

“For a good reason. You slept with my supposed best friend.”

“Before we were dating.” He sighs, gripping the counter with one hand and leaning against it. “You don’t see me getting pissed that you screwed around with other guys before we were together.”

“Because if I were to sleep with your best friend, it’d be incest, Sebastian!” I let my temper seep through, my words coming out louder than I meant. I look at the hallway, waiting for a sign that we woke someone up.

“Thalia, I’m sorry,” Sebastian says quietly once the coast is clear.

“Sorry you did it, or sorry you got caught?” I ask quickly, not that it should matter what he says.

He sets the glass on the counter, still watching me unwaveringly. “All of it. I’m sorry for all of it.”

I’m glad there is a counter separating us because the emotion he slipped into those words makes my irrational heart flutter. It hasn’t gotten the message that we’re over. “Did you tell her about what happened between us before I left?”

Sebastian’s face twists in confusion. “I didn’t tell anyone. No matter how many times our argument got brought up. I kept my mouth shut.”

“Just not your dick to yourself.” It slips out, but I don’t take it back. “Vera is different from the person we grew up with. I put together that she was interested in you while you and Owen were at that game, but I guess I didn’t put enough of it together. Vera asked me if I knew who you were seeing, but the real question is how she knew you were seeing someone in the first place. I only told Blake and Penelope.”

Sebastian turns away from me, bracing himself on the counter as he hangs his head. It’s almost identical to the position I found him in two months ago. This time, Sebastian is wearing more clothes and not sporting a huge bruise.

He sighs deeply as if he’s in pain. “I knew that she was interested in me. I’m sorry I didn’t see how Vera was treating you. I thought it was innocent and that she was just…I don’t know. She was at the bar the night we went to the club after Penelope got here and extended an invitation. I told her no because I didn’t see her like that. I told her I was seeing someone.”

“Now you’re not seeing someone.” I stand up, shutting my laptop harder than I should. Bash talked to Vera right before Penelope and I went to the bar. She had the nerve to tell me not to piss him off anymore. That happened while we were together, not before. The same night I told him about Louis, Sebastian had been hit on by another girl he’d already been with and didn’t tell me. “You made your bed, so don’t expect me to feel bad that you have to lie in it.”

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