Page 86 of Little Do You Know

I shake my head quickly. I don’t know if I could ever come here again if Evelyn knew the mess I made. “Probably not. How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing this time. Consider it a thank-you for all the business you give me. Or maybe I should be thanking this girl of yours for being so stubborn.” Evelyn wraps them up nicely before handing them to me.

“Thank you for this. I appreciate it,” I say, taking them gingerly. “I’m sure I’ll be back in a few days.”

“Make sure she doesn’t throw those away. They’re too pretty.”

“I’ll do my best.”

I climb into my car parked outside, setting the flowers on the passenger seat. At this point, I wonder if Thalia might continue throwing away the flowers to prove she can. I smile at the thought because it’s exactly something she would do.

Evelyn’s shop is close to fifteen minutes away from campus, but she’s sweet and cares about what she does. I found the shop a month after Mimi went to the nursing home since it’s on my way, and I’ve been coming here ever since. I’ve been in more than usual the past few weeks, but it’s nice seeing her.

I run my hand through my hair to find it’s still damp from showering after practice. I’m in such a rush to get back to the apartment to finish the conversation from earlier that I realize I forgot Thalia said she was going to hang out with Blake. Not to sound clingy, but I hope she comes back sooner than later.

Owen is hanging out with Chris and Eric tonight; my excuse for staying home is I have an essay to finish. Which I do, so it technically isn’t a lie. It just isn’t due for a week.

There’s a lot for Thalia and me to discuss, and I’d prefer to do it without looking over my shoulder to see if Owen is listening. I want to tell Owen as soon as possible because I should have done it long ago.

I haven’t quite figured out what Thalia means to me. I know I’m not stupid enough to let her go before I figure it out. It’s cheesy, but I want the kind of love that Mimi always said my parents had. I want the friendship that she and Grandpa had in their relationship. It might be wishful thinking, but I can see Thalia in the future I hope for myself, and I hope she sees that too. It’s the reason I didn’t give up on us.

I park in my usual spot, grabbing my bag of gear from the trunk before carefully holding onto the roses as I walk into the stairway entrance up to the second floor where the apartment is.

I can probably watch some film on the team we’re playing this weekend. According to Cody, they have a quarterback who is my biggest competition for the Heisman. I don’t think I’m even in the running, but our record is strong, and my numbers are solid. We’re 7–2, our losses being from some of the stronger teams in the conference who outplayed us.

“Bash, can I talk to you?” Vera asks, standing by my apartment door. Oh shit.

“What are you doing here?” I ask, probably a little harsher than I should have. Vera cannot be here when Thalia gets back. I’ve been ignoring all of her texts since after Thalia’s party. I haven’t stopped thinking of how Vera pitted Thalia and me against each other. I wish I’d noticed sooner. I was blind with how hurt and angry I was after letting those feelings fester for a year and a half. It was so easy to assume the worst from Thalia that I didn’t consider the thought someone else was making sure things looked terrible. That it was Vera—a friend we’d trusted for years who betrayed us. I force the key into the lock and open the door. Her arms are crossed over her chest from the chill in the air since she didn’t wear enough layers to stand out in the cold to wait. It’s not my problem.

“I was hoping we could talk. I didn’t think you’d say yes if I called since you’re ignoring my texts, so I waited for you to get back from practice.”

“Do you not even realize how weird that sounds? I would have answered those texts if I wanted to talk. I have nothing to say to you, and I’d like you to leave,” I say firmly, stepping into the apartment. “Vera, you should look for someone who can reciprocate your feelings.” When I try to shut the door, Vera wraps her fingers around the edge, making it impossible for me to close it without smashing them.

“Please.”

Maybe she just needs to say whatever she wants to, and then we can move on from this idea she has of us being together, because it’s not happening. I want Thalia, and I’ll be damned that I’ve worked this hard for a second chance just to blow it.

“Fine.” I sigh, dropping my gear on the floor with a loud thud. “Say what you need to say and then go.” Against my better judgment, I open the door for her.

“Sebastian, I’m not an idiot. I see how you look at her. I’ve always seen it, but you’ve never seen me,” Vera says, watching as I set Thalia’s flowers on the counter. Her face falls, and I almost feel sorry for her. I never suspected Vera had feelings for me. It would have changed so many things if I had known.

“I don’t know what you want me to say, but I’m not apologizing for how I feel about Thalia.”

“You deserve better than what Thalia can offer you,” she continues, and I stare at Vera, astounded by how much I don’t recognize the person in front of me.

“You really don’t get it? Vera, I don’t know how to say this more clearly than I already have, but I want Thalia. I want everything she has to offer me, regardless of what you think I deserve,” I insist, making sure to keep a distance between us. The last thing I need to do is lead her on any more than I unintentionally have. I’m trying to respect our years of friendship, but I can’t make Vera comprehend what I keep saying. I don’t know how many more ways I can say I’m not interested before she believes me.

“What can she give you that I can’t? If sex is what you want, then fine, we can go back to your bedroom right now. I am in love with you, and I thought maybe after that day in your pool, you might finally see me instead of her,” Vera says with tears in her eyes, and I have no idea what I’m supposed to do or say right now. I’m not great with crying.

“If I thought you’d try to turn that day into something it wasn’t, I would have stopped it before anything happened. I’m sorry. That’s on me. It was just sex; I thought you understood,” I stammer, feeling like an awful person. Have I been that wrapped up in my own crap that I missed Vera’s feelings? Were they that obvious?

Vera wipes the tears from her cheeks. “Of course I knew it was just sex to you! You have never looked at me the way I wanted you to. Do you have any idea of how much that hurts?”

“I don’t know what you want from me. How do I know if you’re even telling the truth when you say you love me?” I drag my hands over my face, frustrated because we’re just going in circles. I should have known better or used my brain more, and none of us would be in this situation. I also should have never let Vera in the apartment. “I think it’s time for you to go.”

“Do you think I’d lie about that?” She ignores that I’ve asked her to leave again.

“We’ve been friends for years, and you had all of last year to say something when Thalia wasn’t here. As I’ve said, it wouldn’t have changed anything because I’ve never had feelings like that for you, but I don’t think you actually love me. I think you love the idea of me.”That’s all anyone ever seems to want: the perfect image of me they’ve conjured in their mind. Before Thalia, not once had someone asked if I genuinely enjoyed playing football. Thalia sees me in a way that no one ever has before, and I crave that feeling I get when I’m around her.

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