Page 85 of Little Do You Know

“What do you want me to say, Thalia? I’ve made it clear where I stand, and you’ve made it clear where you stand. Halloween didn’t change anything. You don’t need to apologize. I shouldn’t have tried to make it more than a quickie in the bathroom.”

Sebastian doesn’t look away from the television once as he tells me this. I pull my legs to my chest and lean into the couch’s cushion. “I’m afraid of us. I need to apologize because it wasn’t just a quickie, and I’m really sorry for how I’ve been treating you. I, um…I lash out when I feel like I’m going to get hurt. I think you already know that.” His soft laugh makes my cheeks burn red hot. He definitely knows. “I can’t keep trying to hate you because it’s not working. I don’t know how to be with you if I can’t trust you, but I want to.”

I don’t want to hate Sebastian, but I need to be able to trust him. I thought I could trust Louis, and obviously, he proved me wrong. I know Sebastian would never try to hurt me. Logically, I understand that. Illogically, being with Sebastian feels like giving up control over a part of my life because he does have the power to hurt me. For my sake, I need to know that Bash is being honest with me.

“I appreciate the apology, but I want you to know that you can trust me,” Sebastian says, now giving me his full attention. “I’m sorry. I’ll say it however many times you need me to say it. I know I’ve said stupid and hurtful things. Truthfully, I’m terrified. This—us? It scares me.” I know exactly what he means.

I relax my shoulders because hearing Bash echo what I feel makes me feel better. “I’m scared too. I promise I’m not going to hold Vera over your head anymore. I miss you, and I’m tired of pretending I don’t.”

“Don’t say this if you don’t mean it, Lia. I want another chance with you, but I need to know you won’t run away the second things get rocky. I’m not perfect, and I know I’ll make mistakes, but part of being together is working through those hard moments.”

I hear what he’s saying and understand why he needs to hear me say it. “I do mean it. I don’t want to rush this by jumping in headfirst. I want to do this the right way without sneaking around.”

“If you don’t mind me asking, what changed? Last time I checked, the flowers I gave you a few days ago were in the trash.”

“Honestly, Penelope. She told me the best things in life can come from what scares us the most. She said it shouldn’t matter what Vera said on Halloween, and I need to get over it to focus on how I feel about you instead.”

Sebastian’s eyebrows furrow in confusion. “Is Vera why you were so weird and wanted to leave the party? What did you talk about?”

I swallow the lump in my throat. “We talked about you. I know you’ve said what happened with her was a mistake, but do you have any feelings for her?” I hate that I ask it because his shoulders droop in defeat.I just need to hear him say it, and I won’t ask again. The anxiety-riddled part of my brain knows that Vera would be the easier choice with less baggage. There’s definitely no older brother complicating things.

“I’ve never seen her as more than a friend. Last summer was a stupid mistake I’d take it back in a heartbeat if I could. I swear that was all that ever happened between Vera and me,” he reiterates, and I wonder if I should tell him what Vera said. I just said no secrets. I can’t expect him to tell me everything if I don’t do the same.

“Vera said she’s in love with you. I don’t want to hide that from you, but you should know,” I say quietly, holding my breath for his reaction. I believe he doesn’t have feelings for her, but I think Bash deserves to know.

Sebastian lets out a shaky breath, looking surprised. “I swear I didn’t know, Lia.”

“It’s okay.” It’s not like he made her fall for him. I’m not entirely irrational when it comes to that aspect of the situation.

“I’m sorry she told you that, but it doesn’t change anything for me,” he says, dragging a hand over his stubble. His phone screen lights up, and he looks at it quickly. “Shit. I’m sorry, but I have to get to practice. Can we talk more about this when I’m back?”

“Sure. I’ll be with Blake for a while, but we can finish this later.” I smile reassuringly, getting up from the couch. I still have a few days before I leave for us to sort everything out. Sebastian stands, pulling me into him as a surprised squeak escapes from my mouth. “Bash, what are you doing?”

His arms wrap around me, and I sink into his embrace. “I’m hugging you because I have missed holding you. You won’t regret this.”

I don’t think I will.

CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE

Sebastian

I HAVE MORE energy than I have in days. Practice was fine. The beginning was spent watching tape, and Coach ran the hell out of us. Still, there’s nothing that could dim the smile on my face.

At one point, Coach asked if we needed to run more drills because I didn’t look as miserable as everyone else. Owen didn’t say anything, but Chris gave me a thumbs up when he pieced together my sudden mood change.

“So what kind are you buying today? You’re a regular since I see you so often now. It used to only be every other week for your grandma,” Evelyn, the older woman at the register, says.I’m eager to get home, but I wanted to stop first to get flowers for Thalia.

I smile sheepishly at her. “Do you have a flower that means thanks for taking me back after I messed up?”

She smiles, and it takes me aback for a moment. She reminds me of Mimi when she smiles. I don’t know how I haven’t noticed that before. “Oh my, well I’m glad it’s working out for you.”

“Me too. Thalia’s special,” I say, recovering from my shock. When she came out and sat on the couch, I didn’t know what to expect. I know I messed up by not telling her what happened with Vera. I thought I was starting to get through to her, but after Halloween, when she said nothing had changed for her, I’d be lying if Isaid it didn’t hurt. It felt like something had, but after how insistent Thalia was, I told myself I was reading too much into it. I should thank Penelope.

“How about we just stick with traditional roses this time? They’re classics for a reason,” Evelyn suggests, grabbing a bouquet of dark red roses. They’re beautiful, just like Thalia.

“I’ll be happy if she doesn’t throw them away.”

“She sounds like a spitfire.” She looks up at me suspiciously. “I don’t want to know what you did, do I?”

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