Page 67 of Little Do You Know

There’s a splash where Vera has jumped in next to me. “You’re in quite a mood.”

“I told you it wasn’t a good day.”

“You said you weren’t sharing, but I left my bottle up there,” she says, taking a pull and coughing hoarsely. “Holy shit, Bash, have you had all of this?” she asks, looking at the quarter of the bottle that’s gone. In my defense, it is a smaller bottle.

“Guess so.”

“How are you still conscious?”

That doesn’t sound like a bad option. At least then I could forget for a little bit. “I don’t know. Maybe because I’m a lot bigger than you, Vera,” I reply, smiling faintly at her.

Vera hands me the bottle back, and I take my last drink before setting it down again. Vera laughs and lies back to float on top of the water. “That shit tastes like ass.”

She’s not wrong, but the burn takes the pain away. “Doesn’t need to taste good. It just has to get the job done.”

And then Vera splashes me. “God, you’re depressing today.”

I have no problem splashing her back. Vera squeals and tries to splash me back, but I’ve pretty much drowned her in water.

“Ceasefire! Please!” she shrieks, laughing. I lean against the pool’s edge, feeling somewhat better about everything that happened earlier in the day. I’m positive it’s the haze of the alcohol, but I’m not complaining.

“Fine. Have it your way.”

She stands right next to me, her shoulder brushing against mine. “Bash, are you okay? Don’t even try bullshitting me; I’ve known you way too long for that.”

I’m not sure what comes over me, but I lean over and kiss Vera. To my surprise, she kisses me back. I tangle my hands in her hair, greedily taking what I can to forget everything. It feels good, but Vera’s merely a bandage to the hurt I feel inside. Her tongue is in my mouth, and I should stop. I absolutely should, but I don’t care.

She pulls back abruptly, and I open my mouth to apologize when Vera unties the back of her bikini top, pulls it over her head, and throws it to the side. “Your move, Sebastian.”

I’m going to hell for this. I pull her close again to press my lips roughly against Vera’s.

~

It’s cold, which is good because I feel the chill in my bones. I miss Thalia. And most of all, I don’t know how to pretend like nothing happened between us. I can’t pretend again that Lia means nothing to me, because she means something. I haven’t had a chance to figure everything out, but I wasn’t lying when I told her I don’t know what I will do without her. Thalia is the first person I’ve let see most sides of me.

I don’t know if this is something she’ll be able to get over. I don’t know if it’s the fact that I slept with Vera or that I didn’t tell her about it. I didn’t mean for it to seem like I was hiding something, but maybe subconsciously, a part of me did want to hide it. Having sex with Vera meant nothing to me, but it meant something to Vera and Thalia.

For the first time since Mimi got sick, a part of me is glad she can’t remember anything. It’s a horrible thought, but at least she won’t remember after I tell her how badly I’ve fucked things up with Thalia.

Despite the fact I have the word tattooed on my back, I’m terrified of the word almost. I’ve grown up as the kid who almost had parents. The kid who was almost the football player his dad was. It seems that is what my entire life has been made up of. It’s a cruel and unforgiving word. Now, I have had not one, but two shots with my best friend’s little sister, only for her to end up as another almost.

I bought her flowers. That was another thing I didn’t lie about.

Flowers are special because my grandpa always bought them every Tuesday for Mimi. I grew up watching them do it, and I never understood the point when they die. Then Mimi told me how my dad started buying flowers for my mom after he met her.

I don’t think it was until I realized what Thalia could mean to me that I fully understood why my grandfather and father did it. It’s about doing small things for the person you care about to make them happy. When I gave her the flowers before we visited Mimi, she smiled at them and me. The last time I was in her room, she still had them on her desk. I got her new ones for her birthday to replace them, but I don’t know if she’ll smile at me like that again.

My breathing is ragged, and I’m not sure how far I’ve run by this point. I do know that it hasn’t been enough to get the thought of what Mimi told me out of my head. She might have thought I was my dad when she told me this, but she was right. Thalia was the best thing that almost happened to me.

As it turns out, I was the worst thing that almost happened to her.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Thalia

I HELD MY breath when we returned to the apartment late Sunday night. I thought that Sebastian would be sitting at either the kitchen table or the couch; our eyes would meet, and I’d break down into tears at the sight of him. Except the apartment was empty, and his car was missing from the lot.

Owen didn’t mention Sebastian once after the party, and I’m thankful for it. I don’t know or care how much he knows because, as far as I know, we’re through. He came looking for me shortly after I told Sebastian to leave me alone, and found me sitting on the curb alone. Owen didn’t say anything; he hugged me and told everyone else to go.

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