Page 7 of Rescuer

CHAPTER3

Hope?

Thinking backon those first painful days, I was lost and in denial. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t see anymore when only hours ago, I was able to see everything.

I was what some people called normal. My entire family was supportive, making me feel special all throughout my life. Not a single day passed that I felt left out or was treated differently for my blindness.

Of course, the first week was the hardest that I had ever experienced, but thanks to Halt and my family, I got through it. I never got to see anyone smile again—or frown—but I learned to hear their expressions through their words and their touch instead.

I knew when someone was laughing, they were usually also smiling at the same time and gracing the world with their beauty. I knew that when I heard sniffles, someone was upset and was losing the battle they were currently fighting.

Halt was always the strong one, being my guide, even during school, and just really being my own personal guardian angel. I still remembered going back to school for the first time after the accident. My parents were reluctant, as usual, but I had different ideas. I wasn’t going to be a coward. I was going to face everyone head-on and show them that I was stronger than they gave me credit for.

I stood inside the classroom that first day holding Halt’s hand with Charlie and Renee behind me. I could hear the whispers echoing throughout the class. I kept my eyes closed that day, and I hadn’t opened them since I found out I was blind.

The boys and girls whispered softly amongst themselves, but to me, it was loud, as loud as a rumbling thunderstorm. Since I’d lost my eyesight, my other senses sort of became heightened, like my hearing. I just wanted to be able to mute them. That day, I wanted to be deaf as well so I wouldn’t have to hear their disapproval and disgust.

I knew most of the class didn’t like me to begin with, but now, they were scared of me. I never gave them anything to be frightful of, nor did I ever hurt them, so why they resented me still puzzled me to this day.

I got through kindergarten with a lot of struggles as everything we learned was displayed on a board, drawn to show the students examples. The teacher would briefly describe the object we were learning for me, even letting me hold shapes, giving me some clue as to what it was, but I never quite got it right. Eventually, I began to get pulled out of class for a couple of hours every day to learn braille.

I was pretty sure the only reason I passed kindergarten was that I was pitied. I never told anyone that, not even Halt. Then, he became my private tutor, getting full permission from my teachers to speak to me in class, describing everything with such great detail, I could picture it in my mind. I took all my tests verbally, passing them all. Don’t get me wrong; I still used Braille, but hearing the question helped a ton.

Some teachers weren’t nice enough through the years to allow Halt to read the questions to me, so I was forced to rely on braille then. And it wasn’t the easiest. I never did as well as I did when I could hear the question.

Halt was the one who changed my parent's decision about sending me to a special private school for the blind. He promised them that he would help me and always remain my friend. He kept to his word, even throughout middle school and high school.

Every year, I would get new friends who became friends with me out of pity, but they soon left. I never minded really. It was just one less person to worry about, one less person to please.

I had Halt, and I was happy. I also had two amazing older siblings who were by my side every day, even through high school where being cool was a priority to get through those treacherous days. Charlie stood by my side on my first day as a freshman and his first day as a senior, ignoring all the laughs, and snide comments. Renee was starting her first day as a junior that year, and she was the only one who had remained popular throughout the years.

Everyone loved her because she was outgoing and a bubbly person. Who didn’t love a girl who cared about everyone and was always happy, never upset with the world, as most people were? I knew the boys loved her. I always heard them talking about her. Ryan never liked it. He was also part of the popular group, always by her side, and he tended to make sure other boys knew where they stood with Renee.

Ryan was like her guardian angel. She had her own downfall years ago where she didn’t want to live, not understanding her importance to the world. Only Charlie, Halt, Ryan, and I knew about it. We didn’t tell anyone for fear that she would attempt suicide again. But since then, Ryan had stuck by her side, always reminding her how important she was to all of us.

Ryan said she was hiding her misery behind her smile. Maybe she still was.

But one day, life just became too much for her, and she took too many prescription pills and passed out. Ryan was over at the time getting Charlie to teach him some soccer moves. I could still hear him screaming. It was scary, and at first, I was under the impression he was either hurt or we were being robbed. Halt was with me and ran out of the room, wanting to help his older brother.

She was passed out on the floor, breathing normally, but unresponsive. We had to go to the hospital—the first time any of us had been since the accident. Once she woke up, she didn’t even remember what she’d done. But she dreamed about it, and since we shared a room then, she would wake up in the middle of the night sobbing.

I couldn’t do anything but comfort her and call Charlie as well. I had to walk through my house, holding onto the wall for guidance since I was stubborn and hated using my walking stick inside. I would stumble into his room, my arms out in front of me as I searched for him. It was scary at first, having to rely on my touch to find someone. Charlie had to keep his room clean—well, more like his floor clean—so I could walk through his room with ease.

Charlie and I would stay up for hours comforting her, listening to her talk about her insecurities and why she felt like she had to take her life. It was hard listening to her. Listening to the way she spoke about herself made my heart bleed in pain. I would feel her tears fall onto my arms when I held her.

Ryan never left her side after that day. He became her best friend at school—well, publicly. They were already best friends. I knew from what Halt told me that they would hold hands when walking down the hallways at school. I found it cute how even in elementary school, they were close, just like Halt and I, but they seemed to have developed feelings for each other.

Something I knew would never happen between me and Halt.

He probably saw me as weak and pathetic, not that I minded—or tried not to mind anyway. I had already accepted a long time ago that I would never experience a loving relationship, and I didn’t mind anymore. It was for the best. I didn’t want to have to rely on anyone but my family.

But sometimes, audiobooks really made me wish for a special someone to love me despite how different I was.

It was now my final year of school—senior year, as most people call it. We had a small break now between second and third period.

I was lying in Halt’s lap as he idly played with my hair. We didn’t speak but rather enjoyed the silence that filled the courtyard. I had a mental picture of the courtyard and the sky in my head, but I would never know what it truly looked like. “Noah?” Halt whispered, his voice hoarse from not speaking in a while.

“Yeah?” I responded, turning in his direction as I knew it was respectful to at least look like you were looking at them.

---