Page 17 of Summer With You

6

Mad at You

Amber

Mad. Rage. Hurt. Betrayal. Angst. Love.

I want to be mad at Ryan for making me doubt myself, for turning me into this insecure mess when I’m carrying his babies, but I can’t. I love him too much to just be mad at him. I love him enough to fight for what we have.

I just wished he loved me enough to fight for what we have, too.

Instead, I was by myself in this. A riptide of emotions bombarded me, and I was swept away with each one until I collapsed, left breathless, no longer strong enough to fight the tidal wave pushing me deep inside my dark mind where nothing good comes about, only horror stories that make me want to curl up and unsee the crazy visuals my mind comes up with.

Like him sleeping with his assistant on his desk at work.

I shake this thought away. He wouldn’t do that to me.

At least, I hoped not. I wanted to have faith that he loved me too much to ever do that to me.

No matter what he does, there is no one else for me. He’s my person, my soul mate, and like Celine suggested, I’m going to confront him, make him fall in love with me again, because I’ll be damned if I lose him after everything we have endured together.

I slip into our room, closing the door quietly behind me, not wanting to wake Celine and Ace with our domestics. I would have to rein in my temper at the expense of everyone else in the house and my two innocent babies cocooned in my growing belly.

Love swelled in my chest at the thought of them. I paused in the entryway of the room and placed a hand on my stomach, feeling the slight movement of my two little ones. Even if Ryan and I didn’t work things out, I would make sure they weren’t affected by our mistakes.

The mere idea of life without Ryan stole my breath, and I looked up, squinting through the dark room to see his sleeping form on the bed. He hadn’t even left a light on for me. Slowly but surely, I wasn’t recognizing the man I fell in love with. His actions took me by surprise. He once used to do every little thing to make me as happy and content as possible, to always make sure I was taken care of.

He didn’t do that anymore.

Feeling along the wall for the light switch, my fingers stumbled upon it, and the room instantly illuminated. He groaned, throwing a thick, tanned arm over his face. “I’m trying to sleep here, Ames,” he grumbled, voice thick with sleep.

It wasn’t even ‘Spitfire’ anymore. It was all he used to call me, but I hadn’t heard that nickname in what felt like forever.

The sight of him so vulnerable, still in his clothes from the day, the slightest hint of his tattoo peeking out of his shirt sleeve, made my heart skip a beat.

“I’m trying to get ready for bed, Ryan,” I said softly. I felt tired and weak . . . so damn emotionally weak.

Feeling hopeless, I quickly dragged my bag over to the bathroom and slammed the door shut, leaving the bedroom lights on.

Sitting on the toilet, I hunched over, the first few tears escaping my eyes. Brushing them away, I shook my head at myself.

I would not let him break me.

I was stronger than this.

Standing with a new resolution, I turned the shower on and hopped in, washing the day’s stress away.

Thirty minutes later, dressed in a red, button-down, cotton shirt and matching shorts, I exited the bathroom, entering the dark, freezing cold room. Feeling my way to the bed, I just about tripped over Ryan’s big sneakers but thankfully regained my footing before hurting myself and the babies.

Climbing into bed, I waited for him to acknowledge me, to open his arms and pull me close like he used to, to whisper his undying love for me, but nothing came other than his steady, deep breaths.

Lying down on the soft pillow, I pulled the covers up to my chin and stared at the dark ceiling. A buzzing sound from the other side of the room jolted me from my dark thoughts, and I turned to see his phone shining brightly from his bedside table.

Who on earth would be calling him this late?

Against my better judgment, I crept out of the bed and slinked across the room to pick up his now silent phone.

Two missed calls from his assistant.

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