Page 116 of Mud, Love, and Chemistry
“What’s wrong with toast?”
“All of that isn’t what this”?I wave my hand between us?“is about.”
Sam straightens up, folding his arms. “What do you think this is, then?”
I look at him like he asked the dumbest question in the world. “It’s an arrangement. An agreement.” I huff and get up from the bed, wobbling on my feet as I pace the length of it. “We agreed this would be purely physical, no feelings, and here you are acting like you really care about me.”
A flash of hurt whips through his eyes, but he blinks and it’s gone. “So, what was I supposed to do?”
“Leave me in my dress. Let me sleep on the couch. Offer me aspirin, and coffee, and food after I wake up, not preemptively.”
“Oh, right.” He rolls his eyes. “Because that wouldn’t make me a dick at all.”
I stop pacing, looking down at him sternly. “This isn’t about being a dick or not. This is about setting boundaries. You’re treating this like a relationship when it isn’t.”
“Isn’t it, though?”
My eyes widen as my breath catches.
Sam licks his hips, flicking his gaze to the side. “I mean, we’re doing all the things people do in a relationship. Why not own it?”
“Because that’s not what it is.” My jaw quivers as I speak.
He stands, stepping forward to close the gap between us. His eyes flash as he stares down at me. “Then what do you call it?”
With a deep swallow, I say, “Two people scratching an itch.”
His mouth curls into a smirk as he runs his knuckle down my cheek. “An itch I’ve had since July,” he says softly.
Did he say what I think he said? I back away. I’m almost too afraid to ask, but I squeak out, “What did you say?”
Sam grabs my biceps, holding me in place. “I said I’ve had this itch since July, Brynn. Ever since our night in Grand Junction, I’ve done nothing but think about you. You’ve been all I’ve wanted for six months.”
I can’t say anything. All I can do is breathe, and it’s shaky at best.
He lets go of me, turning to the window, and sighs. “When I walked into O-Chem that first day and saw you, I thought my wildest dreams had come true. Then, after our initial conversation, I knew I was fucked.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I never thought you’d end up hating me, though.”
I squeeze my eyes shut as I wince. “Sam, I...”
“Don’t, Brynn. You don’t have to apologize. I was the one who wasn’t honest in the first place, so I only have myself to blame.” He turns around and shoves his hands in his pockets. “But I wanted to make it up to you. I thought maybe if we spent more time together, if you saw the real me again, that maybe we could have what we had after the Mud Down. Which is why I volunteered to help with the study group.”
My eyes pop open, along with my mouth. “I thought you wanted to get ahead for the internship.”
“At first, I did. It’s the whole reason I transferred down here, after all.” He hikes his shoulders to his ears. “But I’m not applying for it.”
“Why not? You’re brilliant. You would be a shoe-in.”
“Yeah, maybe, but you deserve it. After what you told me about your dream of saving the environment, I couldn’t fathom trying to take it from you, even if I thought I had a chance.”
Disbelief spills from my lips in a forced chuckle. “I can’t believe you would do that for me.” My eyes search the room as my forehead crinkles. “Wait. Were you going to use that as leverage to get me to date you?”
“No.” Panic streaks across his face. “I would never do that. I just wanted you to have what was rightfully yours.”
So, then what was his angle? “And what about the fuck-buddy thing? Was that in your master plan to get me to like you again?”
“No. Never in a million years could I have planned that.” He laughs, raising his gaze to the ceiling. “But I knew there was something here. I could feel it whenever we worked on the presentations, but I had no idea how to bring it up. I kept waiting for an organic opportunity, and finally got one on Halloween.” He tilts his head from side to side. “Though that wasn’t exactly what I had thought was going to happen.”
“I don’t think either of us thought that would happen.” My cheeks heat as I remember the night.
