Page 4 of Avelina

“Not unless you’ve got that label maker on you.” It was an old inside joke, and Drew laughed. She had a nice laugh, soft and genuine. It made my heart do little somersaults, which led to a strange pain in my chest. I stopped walking, holding my chest with my uninjured hand.

“Are you okay?” Drew came up close and placed her hand on my back. I could smell her lavender shampoo. It was all familiar and effortless, yet the sensation of her touch made my fists clench involuntarily. It would have been very easy to slip back into a relationship with her, especially since it had been a year since I had even kissed anyone, but the memory of the night we broke up stuck in my mind like those spiky hitchhiker seeds that get stuck on your clothes. I became acutely aware that the tightness in my throat was back, and I swallowed it aggressively.

“I’m fine,” I said, “just a little sore. I should probably concentrate on our search.”

“Sure,” she said, stepping back. A frown crept onto her face, but I couldn’t deal with that right now. I had goals, and I didn’t want to get sidetracked. I needed to find Rogue.

We walked for several hours, chatting idly. Marti left me alone with Drew, walking with Milo at a comfortable distance, not even trying to hide her smug expression. Freaking Marti, I swear. I would get her for this.

The Jermez twins flanked Spirit, saying anything to make her laugh. They were quietly competing for Spirit’s attention, and she gave it to them, though I doubted she could tell the difference between the two. Aside from the fact that one had long black hair and the other short, they were otherwise indistinguishable.

Spirit didn’t seem to mind, though. She flashed a bright white smile at the short-haired twin and giggled, toying idly with a lock of her white-blond hair. I wondered if that would later turn into something weird and wonderful. If it did, I wanted to be a part of it. Chuckling at them under my breath made my ribs hurt, and I grabbed my side, groaning. Everyone stopped to stare at me.

“I’m fine,” I said in my most exasperated voice, then I took a calming breath. Inhale. Exhale.

I loved the subtle aroma of the redwoods. It had a faint woodiness, but also a hint of something sweet and spicy, mixed with damp earth. To me, it smelled like freedom, a feeling echoed in the birdsong that rushed out in a chorus so high above your head that you couldn't tell exactly where it was coming from.

Rogue and I used to go in there sometimes, find a little clearing, and lie down on the mattress of needles, gazing jealously up at that distant reality at the top of the trees. Their otherworldly height makes the forest feel spacious in some ways, and yet the canopy might be so thick that both light and sound struggle to penetrate all the way down, making you feel like you’re tucked into a cozy, echoey cavern.

That was my place with Rogue. To be there without him felt two-dimensional, like I was looking at a photo of the forest rather than seeing, feeling, and smelling its true depth. It was a beautiful walk, but hollow.

We gained elevation, sometimes hopping over small streams or winding around the steep side of a hill. At about three o’clock, Marti shouted, “Hey, what’s that?” She pointed to a clump of something rank and gooey in front of an otherwise lovely patch of white coral bells.

As I approached, Marti stepped into my path. “Let Milo go first. It will make him feel useful.” Marti was about four inches shorter than me, but that fact made no difference when I needed to get my own way. There was no getting past Marti when she made up her mind about something.

“No!” Milo said, gagging. “That’s Thomas the Tank Engine you’re thinking of. I don’t give a shit about being useful. And I can smell it from here.” He coughed and covered his nose with his sleeve. So much for love conquers all.

“Milo!” Marti shouted, using her mom voice. Marti didn’t have any kids that I was aware of, yet she had a solid mom voice that made you want to immediately apologize for whatever it was you had done. We called it her “mommytone” voice. Ya know, instead of monotone? She liked to use it whenever I made stupid dad jokes, which I admit is one of my favorite things.

“I’ll do it,” Spirit said, rolling her eyes.

Marti pressed her bright red lips together in a tight line. She flicked her black hair over her shoulder and shifted from foot to foot, cracking every knuckle in her right hand. I lifted my palms in acquiescence.

Spirit heroically advanced on the pile of goo. She found a stick and poked it. “I don’t think this is a dog. And even if it is, the rib cage is pretty small. Rogue is a big boy.”

I liked how Spirit used the present tense. Rogue is. Damn right. I unclenched my jaw.

Marti let me pass, and I walked over to see for myself. “Not a dog,” I said. “Probably a fawn.”

The image of a white wolf forced its way into my thoughts. It had been huge, much bigger than I ever imagined a wolf would be. What the hell was a white wolf doing in this grove anyway? The redwoods weren’t even wolf country, let alone home to a giant white one. Black bears, yes. And coyotes. Not wolves.

“Let’s turn back,” I said. “The fog is rolling in again, and I don’t think he would have run this far anyway.” Nobody in the group moved or said anything for a minute. It was like a little impromptu moment of silence.

No. Rogue isn’t gone. He’s out here somewhere. I felt my chest tightening beneath the weight of that silence, and I had to close my eyes and focus on my breath.

I lifted my hand to my heart, a habit I’d acquired as a child. Sometimes I would imagine a friend laying a hand over mine as I stood there. For a long time, imaginary friends were all I had, but I often thought I could actually feel a hand there. I felt that now, and when I opened my eyes, I expected to see Drew’s hand over mine.

It wasn’t.

“Come on,” Drew said, taking my other hand. “Maybe your parents found him.”

“Maybe your mom is cooking those spicy chuck burgers,” said Milo. “That’ll make him come running. Let’s go find out!” He set off, power walking back the way we came. Marti eyed me, then followed behind.

Spirit turned to me. “Lina, I know you don’t believe in the same things I do, but I know Rogue is alive. It might sound bizarre, but I bonded with him, too, the night you and I met.” Behind her, the twins gave each other a look. “I would definitely know if he were gone forever. You will see him again. I have a strong feeling about it.” She smiled brilliantly at me, shot Drew what appeared to be a genuine smile, but which I knew to be annoyance masked by polite civility, and turned to go.

The long-haired twin leaned to put his arm around her, saying, “You’re such a good friend.” The other twin pinched the back of his arm and he hopped away, chuckling.

Okay, confession time. I couldn’t actually remember the twins’ names. I forgot their names one second after Milo told me because I was so distracted by trying to detect a difference between them. They weren’t exactly the same, but other than the length of their hair, I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what the difference between them was. I could’ve asked Marti their names, but she would’ve laughed in my face and announced my faux pas to everyone. I kept hoping someone would mention them casually in conversation so that I could pretend I hadn’t forgotten. Sadly, that’s not uncommon for me.

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