Page 55 of Avelina

He nodded. “Unusual.”

That’s fair, I guess. “How about the word ‘gay’?” I asked.

He nodded. “Yes, of course, it means happy, although it’s an old word. What is this about, Lina?”

I groaned. This was not going well. “Okay, how about the word ‘homosexual’?”

He stilled, squeezing his eyebrows together. Clearly that word was familiar, too, and he now seemed uneasy about where this conversation was going. I kept unbuttoning and despite his confusion, he dropped his eyes back down to watch my progress intently. The dress was now unbuttoned below the level of my breasts, but I held it closed with my hand.

“Well,” I said, “where I come from, those words all mean a similar thing. Gay and homosexual are pretty much the same, but queer is a little broader, and includes people like me.” His eyes snapped to mine, and he frowned.

“People like you?”

“Yes,” I said. I took his hand and leaned forward so that he had to focus on my face. “I’m bisexual. I am attracted to all kinds of different people, including you. Very strongly to you, but my last serious relationship was with another woman.” I let him absorb that for a moment before pushing back into a Connection link. Shocked, he stared into my eyes to see if I was serious.

“I’m serious,” I said. “I need to know if it’s something that will bother you. If it is, that’s fine. I’ll button this dress right back up and sleep over there. You should know, though, that it’s common on Earth, and fairly well accepted, though not by everyone. There are still people who think it’s an abomination, although I don’t think much of those people. I’m guessing that’s how it’s viewed here, and I’m concerned that, despite your disillusionment with the Ministry and their lies, you might feel the same way.”

I took a deep breath, having gotten through the hardest part. “That would be a deal-breaker for me,” I said, “because it’s who I am. I’m never going to change, and I don’t want to hide it from you. If you can accept this about me, we can move forward to the next thing. If you can’t, tell me now.” I sat up straight and let go of his hand, disconnecting to leave him alone with his decision.

Aaron shook his head a little. “You are sneaky and manipulative,” he said.

“I know,” I said, unbuttoning another one, then another. His eyes returned to my progress. I only had two buttons left. I tucked my feet underneath his thighs a little.

“I don’t understand it,” he said, tearing his eyes away from my chest up to my face, “but there are a lot of things I don’t understand. You will probably have to be patient with me, but I am willing to listen. Hard.”

My stomach did a little flip when he said the last word, and I smiled. “Oh, I think you made a joke,” I said. “That’s a good sign. Okay, I have another question.”

He raised his eyebrows.

“Have you ever had sex before?”

He hesitated again, perhaps surprised by my bluntness. He pressed his mouth into a thin line, blinking a few times, but after a moment, he shook his head.

I nodded, my suspicion confirmed. I leaned over him again, pressing my hips gently into his body. The front of my dress was open almost enough to expose my breasts but not quite.

“I have,” I said, studying his face. Since he’d excavated memories from my brain, I was sure he already knew that, but I wanted to be clear. If this was an oppressively conservative society, then there was a possibility that my lack of virginity would be a deal-breaker for him. If that was the case, it was better to learn sooner rather than later.

Because that, I thought resolutely, would just be another form of rejecting my sexuality—something I cannot accept because it’s the same as rejecting my humanity.

Aaron waited for me to say something else, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to chase him, though I feared it was already too late for that. I hoped by being open and blunt I hadn’t broken some kind of unspoken rule that only men and elderly women knew, but if I had, then so be it. I exhaled and lay on top of him, resting my cheek on his chest.

He took in a deep, steadying breath and let it out slowly. He shook a little, but he laid his hands on my back and hugged me to him. “That doesn’t matter to me. Goddess, I want you, but I’m not ready to bond you to me, although I wouldn’t discount it for the future.”

“Bonding is like marriage, right?” I asked, lifting my head to stare at him.

“Yes, ‘marriage’ is the word my mother used. It’s a lifelong commitment.”

“That’s what I thought,” I murmured, nodding absently.

Had he really just said that he could see himself marrying me someday? I searched his eyes for the answer but found none. The reddish moonlight cast a beautifully warm light on the tanned skin of his face, but his expression gave nothing away, so I cheated by reconnecting again. That was exactly what he'd said.

“I’m not ready to bond to you either,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady, “but what does that have to do with sex?” I made a face like I was very confused.

He gave me the look and said, “Lina, sex causes pregnancy. I wouldn’t want you to—”

I laughed under my breath, shaking my head. “I know, Aaron, I was just kidding. But I have an IUD, another one of those Earth inventions. It prevents pregnancy, although normally I would need you to wear a condom anyway. I doubt you have those here and I didn’t bring any, so there is some risk involved, but I’ve been tested for STIs recently, and you’re a virgin, so I think we’re good.”

I was rambling, and he didn’t seem like he understood a word of what I had just said. “Anyway, you don’t have to worry about getting me pregnant. I swear.” I held three fingers up in the Boy Scout salute, not that he knew what that meant, either, and held my breath.

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