Page 54 of Avelina

I closed my eyes and yawned, then remembered that I had done the same thing right before drifting out of my body. Aaron must have remembered, too, because he tensed, then squeezed my hand as if that would keep my spirit tethered to him.

“I can’t spend the rest of my life not sleeping,” I said, then thought, It’s now or never.

Aaron stiffened, and I opened my eyes again to look at him, confused.

I meant now or never for sleeping, I thought, laughing a little at the misunderstanding. He’d thought I was telling him to make his move.

Oh, he thought, but he’d already worked himself up.

I knew what was coming, and he knew that I knew, but he needed a minute to think it through. I felt his minty breath on my face as I waited for him. It mixed with his natural scent, plus something flowery from his fresh tunic. The combination was intoxicating. I wanted to pull his tunic up and lick it off his body.

Finally, he repositioned himself on his side so that he faced me. I rolled to my back, opening my eyes again to meet his penetrating gaze. Through our Connection link, his emotions were a jumble of affection, excitement, fear of rejection, and awkwardness. He was still embarrassed at how he’d acted earlier, but his hunger for me outweighed his pride. It burned in his chest, pushing down into his belly and groin almost painfully.

It’s because of the Evocation fragment, he thought. It stirs things. He leaned down to smell my hair again. Lots of things.

That makes sense. My body tensed with anticipation, and I renewed my effort to breathe and relax.

“Lina,” Aaron said. “I need to explain something.”

I hesitated, sensing that, whatever he was about to say, it would be difficult for him. “I’m listening,” I said. I braced myself to hear something soul crushing, like, Lina, I really want to use you like a blow-up doll but I’m not in a place to make a commitment. Is that okay?

Aaron closed his eyes for a moment, took a deep breath, and opened them again. “I feel so much all the time that sometimes it’s like a fire, scarcely contained within a hearth, always threatening to surge out and burn down everything around me. Being around others has always been difficult, but you . . . you’re so calm. When that first dragon attacked us, I thought you would collapse from shock, but you just got up and kept going. When Seleca ambushed us, I expected you to run away and leave me to die, but you stood with me to face her. I . . . I am . . .” He closed his eyes, searching for words, then opened them again to gaze down at me. “I felt jealous once before, but it wasn’t like this. This was more like rage, like—”

“Like someone burned your house down?” I guessed.

Aaron blew out a breath and sank his head into the pillow. “Yes, exactly. The thought of you with someone else makes me want to commit murder. Also, I’m sorry about your house. I should have said that sooner.”

I stared at him, amazed. My soul remained uncrushed, but my heart was having a fit. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. Even after several years together, Drew had been loath to profess her feelings for me. Until it was too late, that is. Now here Aaron was, stating it plainly after two days. His face consumed every inch of my vision, his features in sharp focus despite the dim light.

“I would have been jealous, too,” I said, “had I been in your place, but I promise that you don’t need to be. Ward will never be anything more than a friend. I don’t know exactly what’s happening between us, but it’s more than friendship.”

Aaron caressed my cheek, then leaned down and gently brushed his lips against mine. The sensation made me shiver, and I let out a little sigh. He smiled at my reaction, and I felt his tongue tracing my bottom lip. I opened my mouth in response, and he bit my bottom lip gently, then pressed his mouth firmly onto mine.

This kiss was neither gentle nor patient, nor was it an attempt to simply claim. It was a probing, messy kiss that clearly said, I want to be inside you.

I had already decided I wanted him, and the way things were going, I didn’t know if I’d get another chance. If Seleca and her Ministry cronies decided to attack us in the middle of the night, this might literally be my last chance with anyone. What can I say? I guess I just wanted to go out with a bang.

On the other hand, on the off chance that we made it through the night, I didn’t want to surprise him with my sexual preferences after the fact. If I let my physical guard down too early only to find that I had wasted my time on a bigot, that could get ugly. He sensed my hesitation and pulled away to examine my face, disconnecting.

“Lina.”

“Mm?”

“Are you sure you’d rather be up here with me than down there with Ward?”

I rolled my eyes before I could stop myself. “Aaron, there’s something we need to discuss. Actually, there’s more than one thing.” Reluctantly, I pulled away from him and sat up. It had been a long day and my back lodged a complaint, but I needed to explain my situation to him, and I needed to do it without outing Ward before he was ready. I wasn’t sure if that was even possible with our mental link, but I would try.

Divide his attention, Evilina suggested.

I unbuttoned the top button of that hateful dress and climbed on top of him. The move startled him, which was kind of the point. His eyes darted all over me, taking in every inch of my body as I settled on his hips, straddling him. His wound had scabbed over and would finish healing in a few days if left alone. I didn’t intend to let that happen.

“Okay,” I said. “You just bravely shared your feelings with me. Now it’s my turn to explain something. First, I don’t sleep next to people just to be nice. If I wanted to be down there with Ward, I would be.” I unbuttoned another button and then another as he watched. We hadn’t reconnected yet, but it wasn’t difficult to guess what he felt.

“Is this okay?” I asked, gesturing to my position. He nodded, resting his hands on my thighs. “The second thing,” I continued, “is a little harder to explain and a little more awkward, so I need to ask you a question first.”

“What?” he asked, his eyes now fixed on my newly exposed cleavage.

“Do you know what the word ‘queer’ means?” I asked.

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