Page 7 of Ruby Menace

“Three fucks in one sentence, huh girl?” Roxie shoulder-bumps me again. “Is it really that bad?”

“You have no idea.” I turn my head to look at her. “Rox…”

“Spit it out.” She nods encouragingly. “Is this about the baby? Did you tell him?”

“No.” I shake my head. And then I blurt, “Kirill is married. And he has a son.”

“What?!” She almost chokes on the word. “The guy is hitched? With a kid?”

“Yeah.”

I still can’t believe it myself. And I don’t know if I want to break down and burst into tears or rush back in there and kick the man in the nuts. How dare he lie to me like that?

Though I guess he didn’t lie. He simply didn’t tell me.

Same thing.

“Just after I got back here, I was talking to him… ironing things out. And she walked in and announced herself.” A sob bubbles up my throat and escapes. It must be all the stress. I haven’t slept all night, I was kidnapped by the freaking FBI, then I found out that the man I was falling for is married to another woman. And they have a son. Oh, and let’s not forget that I’m pregnant from a married man. So, my body has decided on tears instead of nut-kicking because the next thing I know is that I’m crying.

“Holy fucking shitballs.” Roxie straightens and stares ahead for a second before looking back at me. “You’re sure? I mean, it wasn’t some sort of misunderstanding?”

“She literally said the words ‘I am Kirill’s wife,’ Rox. And he acknowledged. It couldn’t have been clearer.”

“Well, fuck me.” Roxie shakes her head from side to side slowly. “Who would have guessed?”

“Obviously not me!” I swallow hard.

“So what did he say about it all?”

“He didn’t deny it, but he seemed pretty pissed.” I have to admit that much. It didn’t seem like a joyful reunion. Although the chemistry between them was undeniable. So much fire. I don’t even want to think about what they must have been like in the bedroom.

“Pissed. Huh!” She snorts. “I’m not surprised. I’m betting she fucked up his little party with you, for sure. I bet you never thought you’d ending up screwing around with a married man, did you?”

Screwing around with a married man.

I want to be sick.

“How could I have been such an idiot, Rox?” I choke out. “I really thought…”

“Thought what, Tee? You were trying to get out of here and run away from him the last time I saw you. Now you’re shattered to find out that he’s got a wife and a kid?”

I nod as I fight more tears. “I know. It’s… messed up. I’m so confused.” My chest heaves as I suck in air and then let it out in shuddering breaths. “I really… I just…” I drop my head into my hands again. “I was lying to myself. I care about him, Rox. Too damn much.”

“Okay. I guess that’s your female prerogative. We’re girls. We’re allowed to change our minds on a whim. Everyone knows that.”

“I just wish I wasn’t such a fool.” I wipe my face with the edge of my T-shirt, trying to get control over my emotions. “Why-” I hiccup, “Why did I believe any of this could work in the first place? I mean… the man bought me for fuck’s sake? What was I thinking?”

“Sometimes we want to hold onto the hope that we can live the dream, Tee, even when we know it’s probably not a good idea.” Roxie pats my shoulder. “We’re human; people make a mess of things. It’s life, and you can’t blame yourself for screwing up. Although come to think of it, you should probably take a few deep breaths and calm yourself down. I’m sure all this freaking out like this isn’t good for the baby.”

I stop mid-breath and stare at her. “Shit,” I husk out. “I never even thought about that.”

“Well, you’re going to have to start. It’s not just you anymore. You have to start thinking like a mom.”

The weight of Roxie’s words sinks in, and now I could kick myself even more. “Jesus, you’re right! I’m so selfish.”

“Nah. You’ll get used to it eventually, right? I mean, you’ve got like eight more months or something, don’t you?”

“I once read somewhere that pregnancy is actually ten months.” I’m taking deep calming breaths to settle my racing heart. Trying to think clearly.

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