Page 8 of Back to You

“Ah yes, a classic. What’s bothering you?”

Ethan smiled. He sometimes underestimated Lake’s awareness of other people. He knew that Ethan generally watched stupid movies when he was upset. “It’s Brandon.”

“What about him? Is he okay?” Lake was suddenly completely focused on the conversation. He was a person who would do anything for the people he cared about, and Ethan loved him for it.

“He’s okay, I just …” Ethan ran a hand through his hair for the billionth time that day. “I think he’s pulling away from me.”

Lake scoffed. “Please. I’ve watched you two for years and you’re perfect for each other. Why the hell would you think that?”

“He didn’t kiss me goodbye this morning.”

There was silence from the other end. “I want to say ‘That’s all? Are you crazy?’ But I recognize that this must be significant to you in some way, so explain.” Sometimes it was apparent that Lake’s parents were psychologists.

Ethan explained about Brandon’s morning routine, how he had never missed kissing Ethan goodbye in the morning. How he’d just stood there staring before leaving. “I just … I know I’m working too much lately.”

“Lately? Ethan, this is not a new thing. You’ve been working too much for months now.”

“Have I?”

“Yes, I remember you started with that one case you had right around the time I was working on the Ford problem. And that’s been seven months.”

“Seven?! That can’t be right,” Ethan said, thinking back. The Wallace case, that was the one Lake meant. But surely he hadn’t been working such long hours for seven months?

“How has he not killed me?”

“I don’t know, I probably would have if I was him. And I’m a pretty forgiving person. Who knew Brandon would have more patience than me?”

That seemed unlikely, but clearly it was true.

“Ethan, you need to cut back. Something’s got to give, and if you aren’t careful it’s going to be your relationship or your mental health. Actually, if you lose your relationship there goes your mental health, so yeah. You need to cut back.”

“I just can’t yet,” Ethan sighed. “Lake, I’m this close to getting a senior associate job!”

“And then what?” Lake said. “Will your workload really slow down once you hit senior associate? Or will you just keep working like you are now, waiting for them to make you a partner?”

“I won’t, I promise!”

“You can’t make that promise, Ethan,” Lake sighed. “Look, I know what this means to you. I know where you come from. But you’ve already proven you’re successful. You’ll never be back there again. You keep moving the goalposts on yourself, and one day you’ll be sitting alone in that office, with work that doesn’t love you back, and no one to go home to.”

Ethan shook his head, trying to make himself hear Lake. But the voice in his head screamed that he hadn’t yet done enough. He wasn’t secure enough yet. He needed to reach that next step.

“I swear, I’ll slow down once I hit senior associate. I’ll be able to delegate some things, and there won’t be as much pressure. I can do this, Lake. I know it.”

“I know you can too,” Lake said sadly. “The question is, what might you lose in the process?”

***

Ethan woke up, trying to figure out where he was. The glow from the TV told him he’d fallen asleep on the couch again. He sat up creakily, turning off the TV and wandering into the bedroom. And there was Brandon, dead asleep, as gorgeous as ever.

Ethan stopped to watch his beautiful boyfriend. How did I ever get so lucky?, he thought. He needed to do something to show Brandon how much he meant to Ethan. Brandon deserved the world, and Ethan would try to be the one to give it to him.

He leaned down and softly kissed Brandon’s forehead, then climbed into bed to sleep.

Tomorrow, he would get to work on what he could do to show Brandon how much he cared for him.

***

The next morning, Ethan awoke with Brandon’s alarm and waited longingly for a kiss that never came.

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