Page 105 of Missing White Woman

“You didn’t have to come.” I made sure to keep my voice light as I reached for the flowers. At least I could save the tip to give more to housekeeping. But she didn’t hand them over. Instead, she pulled back slightly as if beginning a game of keep-away. It could only mean one thing. She wanted me to be social. And I just wanted to get out of here.

Still, I took a step back. I’d give her ten minutes, then say I had to leave. “I’m going to the train soon, but come in for a few. I don’t have much more than tap water, but at least the glasses are clean.”

But she was already pushing past me. “You sounded so depressed on the phone. You were trying to hide it, but it was there. I had to come see you.” She mistook whatever expression was on my face because she spoke again. “Don’t worry. No one recognized me.”

She set the flowers down, then looked around. “It’s cute.” She sounded as if she was trying to convince herself. She slowly walked around, taking in the plate on the couch, the cups on the coffee table, all of what I’d haphazardly thrown about.

I stole a look at the clock. Ten minutes.

I turned back in time to watch her disappear into the bedroom so quick it felt like actual magic. “I gotta pee,” she said.

My unmade bed flashed before my eyes, followed closely by my mother’s voice admonishing me for being such a pig. One should both always be ready for guests and never allow them into your personal areas. I rushed into the room to find Billie staring at the mess of sheets. I quickly spoke. “I was in a rush earlier.”

“Same. We’ve all had an eat-in-bed-type morning.”

And with that, she headed to the bathroom.

I did a piss-poor job of straightening up while she was in there. Tossing the comforter over the bed. Throwing away the remnants of snacks I’d raided from the minibar. By the time she’d washed her hands and opened the door, I had the bedroom looking semi-decent.

“Thirsty?” I said.

She followed me back into the living room, where I poured us each a glass of water. It was tap as threatened, but she didn’t say anything. Just took the glass without so much as a thank-you. I took a big gulp, hoping it would encourage her to do the same. Instead, she just held it.

Neither of us knew what to say next. It was weird. I’d spent so much time staring at this face since I got to Jersey City. I wasn’t used to it staring back. It was as awkward as a first date, both of us searching for neutral topics and common ground—and coming up short. Finally, Billie must’ve stumbled onto something because she opened her mouth. I leaned in, eager to smile and nod and agree how it had no business being this hot even though it was spring and we’d just finished complaining about how cold it was.

“Aren’t the flowers just gorgeous.” She pretended not to notice me nodding eagerly before she’d even gotten the first word out.

“Stunning,” I said.

“I asked the florist to make the biggest bouquet they could.”

I kept nodding, thinking about how I’d leave a note for the housekeeper to take them home. “Definitely the biggest I’ve seen.” I stole another glance at the clock, even though I knew no time had passed.

She glanced at her phone, as if stalling. Once again we were at odds. “How you getting home?”

“Train.”

“Kristine taking you to the station?”

I damn near recoiled at the name.

She noticed too. “Guess not,” Billie said. “I figured something happened the other day. And then when I spoke to her today, she said something… You know what? It doesn’t matter.”

But it did. “No. What did she say?”

“That she’d made a mistake.”

I rolled my eyes. “A mistake is putting the wrong answer down on a test. Those were her drugs the cops found the night I got arrested. And she never told me. Just let me go to jail. Ruined my life.”

I didn’t look at Billie. I regretted it as soon as I’d said it. Hated that I’d been so vulnerable. The emperor after they realized they were butt naked.

“I’m sorry, Bree.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“I’m not just talking about Kristine. I’m talking about me. What I did to you. Even the other day, tricking you. Using you as a pawn and pretending like it was okay because I was bringing attention to someone’s murder. It sounds like a lot of people have betrayed you. And you don’t deserve that. Again, I’m sorry.”

I was no longer staring at the clock. There were so many ways I could’ve reacted. Anger. Sadness. Fear. So many things I could say. You’re right. You’re all monsters. Fuck off. Instead, I said, “Thank you.”

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