Page 4 of Wish We Were There

“Hi,” he managed to croak out. “Uh... sorry.”

Kylie scoffed, but despite her scowl, she pulled him into a tight hug.

“You can’t just disappear like that, dude,” she grumbled. “We’re all worried about you.”

“Sorry,” he repeated, unsure of what else to say. “Come on, let’s go inside at least.”

His and Zach’s house had always been like a second home to the other members of the band, so it was jarring to see Kylie moving with such uncertainty as she followed him in, like a scared animal in an unfamiliar place. She stood awkwardly in the middle of the living room before she sat down gingerly on the armchair across from the couch, where Taylor flopped down miserably.

“Get on with it, then,” he sighed, gesturing for her to continue, which only made her frown deepen.

“What, you think I’m here to yell at you?” she replied, then winced. “Wait, that came out sounding like yelling. Taylor, I’m not here because I’m mad at you, alright? I was just worried. We all are. No one’s heard from you in weeks. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m not okay,” he said dryly.

“You know what I meant,” she huffed. “Taylor, I’m sorry. I just wanted to check up on you.”

All his irritation deflated at that, and he sighed. “I know. You’re right. I’m sorry too.”

Kylie’s expression immediately softened. “I just wish you would have said something if you needed some time to yourself. It made us really worried to have you drop off the face of the Earth out of nowhere. We were really freaked out because you seemed like you were doing okay, and then there was just... nothing.”

“I understand,” Taylor said. “I didn’t mean to ignore you, really. I just... I don’t know. I guess I just didn’t want to talk.” He almost added that he didn’t want to talk to anyone, but that wasn’t entirely true.

“Where were you just now?” Kylie asked.

“Parker’s apartment,” he said flatly, then added before she could make a comment, “I wanted to be on his podcast. That’s it.”

He refused to look at her, but he could easily imagine all the different ways she might react. When he finally risked the glance, though, her expression was purposely, carefully blank.

“His podcast, huh?” she said lightly. “What did you talk about?”

“Just… Zach and the band,” Taylor replied. Silence hung between them for a long moment. He knew what she wanted to ask, and it was the last thing he wanted to answer.

There was more he needed to say, too, more that he’d been avoiding.

“Listen, I need to tell you,” he blurted out. His stomach did a flip-flop—there was no taking it back now. “That I, uh... I decided I’m done with the band.”

Kylie stared at him for a long moment, brows furrowed, eyes wide. He was sweating with nerves—under his cast, his right arm started to itch terribly. But he held her gaze for as long as he could, until finally she asked in a carefully calm tone,

“Have you told this to anyone else? Is that what you were talking about with Parker?”

He swallowed hard. “No. You’re the first person I’ve told.”

She stared at him silently for a moment longer, then leaned back in the armchair with a long, drawn-out sigh.

“I... I don’t know what to say, Taylor,” she said faintly, reaching up to run an anxious hand through her long green hair. “I mean... Like, I get it, and I can’t really be mad, but I want to be mad about it. Fuck, dude. Are you serious?”

“Yeah,” Taylor replied, looking down at his good hand clasped hard around the cast.

“But you said you weren’t gonna leave,” she protested, an edge of despair in her voice that made Taylor squeeze his eyes shut.

“I changed my mind,” he croaked, shaking his head. “I can’t do it, Kylie. And, honestly, I don’t think we should. It’s never gonna be the same without Zach. He was the entire face of the band. Without him...”

“Tom left Blink and they’re fine,” she protested, and despite himself, Taylor laughed aloud.

“Yeah, they are,” he said. “But as much as I hate to say it, Kylie, we aren’t exactly Blink-182, so, you know. And, plus, he came back.”

Kylie laughed bitterly at that, shaking her head. “Speak for yourself, dude. Man, fuck you, seriously.”

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