Page 87 of Every Time I Go on Vacation, Someone Dies

His dark eyes are clouded with concern, the fireworks reflecting in them like this is some scene from a movie. And I know what’s supposed to happen now. We’re supposed to move closer and closer together as the music swells until we end up in a clinch.

That’s how I’d write it, anyway.

But instead, he takes a step back and lets me go, and I’m on my own, just like I’ve always been.105

“You saved me, again.”

“What happened?”

“Someone pushed me.”

“What?” Oliver looks around at the crush of the crowd. “Who?”

“I don’t know. I felt a hand on my back. You saw what happened next.”

He puts his hands on my shoulders, pulling me closer. And maybe we will kiss now, only I think if we do, if he shows me any more tenderness, I’m going to burst into tears, and that’s not how I want our first kiss in years to go.

“Are you sure?” he says, and he’s so close to me I can feel his breath on my lips. “Maybe it was the crowd. Everyone pressing toward the railing to watch the fireworks?”

Moment’s over, I guess.

“No,” I say, taking a step back, away from his arms, away from the temptation. “I felt it.”

“You’ve had a lot to drink.”

“You’re monitoring my drinking?”

“I was only paying attention.”

He was watching me, he means. In a good way, he means. This should melt my cold heart, but instead, it makes me mad. “You don’t need to do that. I’m fine on my own.”

“Clearly not.”

There’s another rapid series of booms, building to a crescendo. It’s so loud, I’m not sure he’s going to be able to hear me, but I say it anyway. “What do you care?”

But he does hear me. It’s right there in his face like I’ve slapped him.

And I did. My words were a blow, one I meant to deliver. Because it’s easier to push him away than to hold him close. I proved that to myself once before, and here I am proving it all over again. I can use both hands, too, and end us once and for all.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” he says.

I don’t say anything, and that’s what convinces him. Because I always take the opportunity to have the last word if I can unless I’m using silence for emphasis.106, 107

“Next time, I’ll let you fall, then.”

Ouch. Oliver can use words like swords, too.

I watch him turn and start to push his way through the crowd.

The fireworks are over now, just like us, and it’s only a moment before he’s gone.

Maybe for good.

I let the crowd disperse, feeling stupid and scared and still drunk, but not quite drunk enough. It’s fully dark now, the sea black and glittering in the moonlight.

“There you are, El,” Harper says. “I’ve been looking for you all over.”

“Here I am.”

---