Page 11 of Every Time I Go on Vacation, Someone Dies

He rolls sideways, landing on his back, a satisfying oof! escaping from his mouth.

It was satisfying to me, anyway. It probably hurt for him.

I check around me. Harper’s still casually eating her ice cream as if nothing unusual happened. I sit up slowly. My back feels wet and sticky. I landed in my melted gelato. Because of course I did.

“Why did you do that?”

“I was saving your life, thank you very much.” Connor pushes himself up and looks around quickly. There’s a small circle of people staring at us with curiosity while the rest of the tourists go about their day.

“It was a car backfiring, you dumbass.” I stand up and glare at Harper. “You enjoying this?”

Harper gives a small shrug. “Kind of?”

I reach around my back to the wet patch. It’s right between my shoulder blades. “Can you hand me a Kleenex?”

Harper makes a spinning motion with her finger and I turn around. She pats at me with a Kleenex for a moment, then stops. “That will have to do.”

“No time to go back to the hotel?”

“Sorry, no.”

“But I’m all sticky.”

“You want to switch dresses?”

“It’s fine.”

I mean, I do, but there’s a schedule to keep. I can suck it up.

“Is Connor still on the ground?” I ask.

Harper checks over my shoulder. “He’s standing now.”

“Which way to the Colosseum?”

“Hey! You can’t just ignore me,” Connor says.

I roll my eyes as I turn to face him. He doesn’t look any worse for wear from our tumble. I’m the only one suffering the consequences of his actions, as per usual.

“You said you were going to help me,” he says.

“Did I?”

“It was implied.”

“This is how you repay me? Throwing me to the ground and jumping on top of me?”

“I thought someone was shooting at us.”

I put my hands on my hips. “In the middle of a crowd? In the middle of the day? In the middle of Rome?”

“You think assassinations don’t happen in daylight?”

“No one’s trying to kill you.”

Connor stoops and picks up his fedora. He puts it on his head at a rakish angle. “You think this is all in my head? That I’m just some massive narcissist?”

“If the shoe fits.”

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