Page 101 of The Last Lost Girl

“Why does Pan still have my shadow?”

She sniffs. “He used it the day I fled with you. I theorized that if I flew you to the curse line and we met Pan there as the Second Star called him home, you would be close enough to your shadow to break through the curse’s boundary and allow you to slip through. And thank the stars, it worked. It was the only way you could have left Neverland. We had that one chance…”

My brilliant sister.

“So, you flew us there and then on to the mainland. What happened to your wings?”

“Within hours of my feet striking the shore, they became brittle and began breaking apart. They were gone before sunrise.” She glances over her shoulder. “The shadows have at least allowed me to fly again for a time.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you,” I tell her, tears welling in my eyes. “You tried to tell me the truth so many times.”

“I wanted you to know why I might have to leave, but not about your past. I wanted to protect you from it – from him – as much as I could, which turned out to be not very much.”

I understand why she did what she did. I do. But my heart aches all the same. I’m not upset that she lied to me. I would have done the same if I was in her position. But I hate that she had no other choice.

“I’m sorry I failed you,” she apologizes quietly.

“You didn’t fail me, Belle. You saved me! Stars, you could never fail me.”

She takes a deep breath. Releases it. “He can’t use your shadow to leave Neverland again, but he has it, and you can’t go home without it. We’re in quite a difficult pinch,” she says primly.

She doesn’t seem despondent, which means that my sister is scheming and planning. Tinkering with possibilities, as her name suggests. Even if she doesn’t quite know how to get my shadow from Pan, she believes there is a way and she’s working on it. She hasn’t given up hope, which makes it well up in me.

Belle waves her hand. “We’ve gotten off track. You asked how you came to be called Ava. Hudson called you that because he’d scratched Savannah into his skin for you so he could help you remember where you were from. Some of the letters were made deeper than others and by sunrise, some of the scratches were angry and red. I used a tiny pinch of magic to heal them. Otherwise, they would have festered.” She makes a disgusted face and shudders. “Anyway, when all but those three deeper letters healed, he forgot that there had ever been more. And so had you.” She sighs. “For what it’s worth, I took you to Savannah to locate your family, and when we couldn’t find them, we settled in Tybee so we could be near them in case I could somehow locate more information about you, but still be close to the sea – for me.”

“You stole the first shadow for Pan.”

Belle hangs her head. “There’s much for which I still need to atone. It’s no excuse, but I loved him once. He was my very best friend.”

I don’t know what to say. I watch as she rocks back and forth. Back and forth. Back and forth.

“Love makes a person blind to faults. Even grievous ones. Most of the Lost forgot themselves and their lives very quickly. Pan would send me on errands to keep me away while their memories faded. I didn’t know what he was doing until you came along. He sent me on errand after errand, but you didn’t forget like the others. You remembered everything but your name for so long after he brought you here and took your shadow, and then your memory started to slowly chip away. It was painful to watch.” Belle’s golden gaze meets mine. “Did Hudson tell you of his role in sending you home?”

My head ticks back. “What do you mean? What did he do?”

Her lips part. “He likely doesn’t recall.”

“I’m sure he doesn’t, but he wrote things in his journals to remind himself and the crew,” I admit.

She looks at her feet. “I think it’s best that you give him a chance to tell you. I know how you hate spoilers.”

I smile. I definitely do.

“If he doesn’t remember, I’ll tell you then,” she promises. “I wish I could have done more for them. I was supposed to come back, not leave them here. That’s why he’s angry; why they’re all angry with me.”

Picturing her wings melt away makes my heart hurt. I suspect that Pan is to blame for their death, too.

I consider the brilliance of creating a floating town, using the water that Pan can’t touch as a refuge. Of the magical skiff and this ship, the outer islands – abundant with food, healing salve, the charms, and I’m sure a hundred more things Belle slid into place before she left that I don’t even know about.

If stars really granted wishes, I would look to the Second Star and ask to be as strong and brilliant as Belle.

“They’ll understand once you explain what happened.”

She tries to smile. “We’ll see.”

thirty-two

When the sun sets, lanterns are lit and hung all around the ship’s deck. Crates and barrels become our seats. The sea is easy, and the crew is quiet as they watch the shore for their friends and the sea for the skiff. Occasionally, their eyes shift warily to Belle.

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