Page 108 of 4th Degree

I see Dominic’s call and texts come through on my way to class. I’ve been trying to work up the nerve all day to call him, but every time my thumb would hover over his name, I would chicken out. There’s nothing I could say that would make this better for him. Why does he even want to talk to me?

But typical Dominic, his texts show that he’s worried about me. That he’s sorry about causing me pain.

How could anyone question his character? Accuse him, of all people, of something this heinous?

Sorrow churns like acid in my stomach, clashing with the love I feel for Dominic, the love that’s been blooming inside me for this caring, intelligent, protective man who I couldn’t keep from falling head over heels for. The rush of emotions, both positive and negative, are enough to make me dizzy.

But they pale in comparison to the crushing guilt. I can’t breathe from it. Because all of this is my fault.

I was the one who came onto Dominic in the first place. It doesn’t matter that we had a clear and honest conversation about it or that he agreed to everything—I was always the one with the power between us, because I never had anything to lose. I should’ve protected him.

I won’t let him down again.

I’m sitting in class when I finally make my decision.

I don’t respond to Dominic’s texts. And I don’t go to the gym after class, even though Mondays are my usual gym nights. Knowing what I need to do is one thing, but I couldn’t handle doing it in person.

Instead, I distract myself with work. I swap a shift with a coworker at the restaurant, working Monday but freeing up my Tuesday.

Dominic isn’t at the gym on Tuesdays. It’s the only night I know he’s not there, because Tuesday afternoon is the time he goes to the inner-city park to teach the kids boxing.

Even that thought makes me want to cry. Why isn’t that the story that goes viral?

So, I don’t go to the gym on Monday. But I go after class on Tuesday, hoping I’m early enough that there aren’t any students in the building. I didn’t even think about how other fighters might look at me—although looking at the comments still coming in on social media, I should expect dirty looks, at the very least.

Thankfully, when I walk into the gym, Jax is the only one there. He looks up from the reception desk and does a double take.

“Hey,” he greets quickly as he stands up. “You’re here.”

I force a smile. “I’m here.”

I have no idea what to say to him. I’m sure going public with my relationship with Dominic would’ve been a little awkward and stressful, but no one is ever prepared to have it happen with intimate, personal photos of yourself. I hate that this is how Jax found out.

The look he gives me is one of mostly worry, and some pity. “Are you… Are you okay?”

I bark out a laugh. “No.”

He nods and looks down. “I know. I’m sorry.”

I’ve had plenty of moments in my life where I thought about giving up, but until this moment, I’ve never actually wanted to. I want this to be over.

“Look, I need to terminate my membership,” I tell Jax in a flat tone. “I know I’m not paying anymore, so there’s no card to cancel, but I wanted to let the gym know that I won’t be coming back. I’m sorry if that messes up the cleaning work, but I think it’s better for everyone if I’m not here.”

Jax’s eyes widen. “Skylar, no. Don’t do this.”

“I have to,” I say, my voice breaking. I clear my throat and try again. “It’s bad enough that he has to deal with this at all, but if I stay here? If anyone sees me around him again? He’ll never be able to overcome it. At least this way, he can do some kind of damage control before he moves on.”

I know I’m right when Jax immediately looks panicked. He knows I’m right.

“The only way to make this better is if I leave. It’s not like there are any other teenage girls in the gym, so he doesn’t have to worry about the rumors growing. Everything will die down. But I can’t be around for that to happen.”

“But…you love it here,” Jax says, eyes searching mine.

I love him more.

I look away from Jax’s sad expression. “It doesn’t matter,” I say quietly. “Some things are more important. I’ll find another hobby.”

“Skylar—”

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