My heart sinks a little. Maybe she’s hanging out with Mallory. I did sleep for seven hours so it’s well into the next morning. I slip out of bed and head downstairs.
Dad’s in the living room, putting together a puzzle in the corner. “Son.”
“Dad.”
That’s probably enough talk. Anymore and we’ll be yelling at each other.
“Can I talk to you?” he asks. And he never asks.
“Um, actually, I want to?—”
“She’s not here.”
My stomach clenches and my chest feels heavy. “Who?”
“Ella.”
I get the feeling he knows more than I do at the moment.
“Do you know where she went?”
“She left this note.”
I swallow hard. For some reason, I expected her to be here. But leave it to her to be writing something on paper.
I take it from his fingertips and unfold the paper, walking to the window to read.
Dear McCabe,
Thank you. Thank you for last night. Thank you for helping me to find my voice. And thank you for making me feel like I was worthy of being loved. I know that you have to go back to Germany, so I’m not going to pretend that we can have anything more. It would be too hard to have you for longer than a night and then have to give you up because you mean too much to me.
I love you but I understand that you have a commitment.
“Fuck!” I rub my head.
I keep reading…
You’re amazing and you’re definitely more of a good boy than a bad one.
I won’t regret anything, but I don’t think I can say goodbye to your face.
Yours now and always,
Ella
She’s trying to do the right thing, but she’s doing it so wrong.
“McCabe…” Dad pulls me from re-reading it. “Son, I want to say something.”
“Dad, I really don’t?—”
“I’m sorry.”
I look back at him. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I’m sorry for making your life harder growing up. I’m sorry for not believing you. And I’m sorry for not standing up for you. I’m just… sorry. Life’s too short not to say it.”
My brain is stuck in neutral. I must be dreaming. But the paper crinkles in my hand. Clearly, I’m awake.