Page 43 of The Pact

“Cole…it’s fine. I’ve handled it. It’s really not a big deal.” The gentle man I’ve come to know isn’t in the room with us.

That dark hunger has taken over, yet this time it’s not fueled by his desire for me—it’s driven by his desire to protect me. And something about that terrifies me because the man’s eyes I’m staring into is one who’d do terrible things to the person who hurt me.

“Love, this is the last time I’m going to ask. Who the fuck did this to you?” He punctuates every word of the question. I get the distinct feeling that neither Damian nor Sutton have told him about Gavin being in town, otherwise that’s probably the first person he would have thought of.

It’s probably for the best that it comes from me, but God, I wish they had done the hard part for me.

“My ex, Gavin, is in town. He-He’s been trying to convince me to give him another chance. I’ve told him no, but…” My gaze drops, knowing that I’m risking him being upset with me for not telling him sooner. “He cornered me and I tried to leave. He wouldn’t let me.”

Cole’s nostrils flare and I swear I can almost hear his teeth grinding. “When did this happen?”

“Last Sunday,” I whisper, knowing he’s likely going to be upset that I’ve been hiding this for a week.

He curses under his breath. “Is this why we haven’t seen each other all week? You were worried about me finding out about this?”

I meet his gaze and my face twists. “No, I’ve been busy here.” It’s true, although I also know I was relieved to have a packed schedule, so I had an excuse to hide this from him. My eyes fall to my lap as guilt surfaces.

“Has he ever done anything like this before? Has he ever hit you?”

My eyes close. I feel ashamed for being that woman, the one that’s let a man put his hands on her. It’s so fucking embarrassing and weak. “He’s grabbed me once before, right after I left him. But he’s never hit me. Emotional abuse was more his style.”

Cole’s hand brushes over my skin, making me flinch involuntarily. My wrist is still tender. “Hey,” he says in a low, gentle voice. “Look at me.” It takes a second, although I finally do. “I want you to know two things. I won’t hurt you. And I’ll never let him put his hands on you again. Do you understand that? Do you believe me?”

I don’t respond right away. He doesn’t deserve a quick, thoughtless answer. I think back to how he’s treated me in the short time I’ve known him. Then I assess the intense look in his eyes, like he might destroy the world to protect me. I believe him. There’s not one part of me that doubts him.

“Yes. I understand. And yes, I believe you.” I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him close.

“You need to eat,” he whispers against my neck.

Cole makes me finish the entire meal he’s brought. While most of the anxiety of this secret I’ve been keeping has faded, there’s still a tiny piece that’s nagging me.

Taking a steadying breath, I turn to him. “Can I ask you a favor?” I don’t wait for him to answer. “Can you not say anything about this around Cassie? I haven’t told her about this time…or the other time it happened. I don’t want her to worry.”

Cole appears conflicted, although, ultimately nods in agreement. “If that’s what you’d like. However, if you want my opinion, I think you should tell her. Gavin doesn’t deserve your protection.”

He sits with me until some of the color returns to my face. The shaking subsides after I’ve downed a bottle and a half of water. Cole makes me promise to not neglect myself again or he’ll make it his personal mission to ensure I’m eating and drinking enough every day. “As much as I think you enjoy my company, I don’t think you’ll want me around that much,” he jokes.

I brush a curl from his forehead. “You’re wrong.” I catch the look of astonishment just before I lay my head on his shoulder. He drapes his arm over me, tracing slow circles over my skin.

“Thea?”

“Yeah?”

“Would you be up for coming over later? I have something for you.” I want to lift my head and look at him, but I’m afraid of what I’ll see. His voice is full of emotion, making me nervous. I feel entirely too fragile right now to handle what I might find on his face.

I can feel myself free falling into eventual heartache, looking him in the eyes will make me speed faster towards it. It’s impossible for someone to be this amazing and to have chosen me, isn’t it?

Don’t doubt your worth. I wish it was that easy. Twelve years of shame and rejection resurface every so often, planting seeds of uncertainty in my mind. I’m angry at myself for not being able to wash myself clean of Gavin’s effects. Tears sting my eyes. I shut them tight, forcing the emotions back down.

“Yes,” I whisper against his chest and stay there a little longer, until I feel strong enough to face him without breaking completely.

16

THEA

When Cole asked me to come over because he had something to give me, I didn’t tell him I also had something for him. It’s a small project I’ve been working on for a couple of weeks. The weight of the gift in the bag I’m carrying feels so much heavier than it should.

I should put it back in my truck. It feels too personal. But the decision is made for me when Cole opens the door before I knock. He must have heard me pull up.

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