Page 184 of The Pact

I climb down from the ladder and head in to the kitchen. “Thanks again. You have no ide—”

She holds up a hand. “You’ve said thank you too many times. This is what friends do.” Cass pulls me in for a rare hug. “Are you alright? Today is a good day, but it might be emotional.”

I’m not okay, although I don’t tell anyone this.

I keep the nightmares to myself, the panic attacks as well—locking myself in the bathroom whenever I feel it coming on. Daily, I wonder when he’ll appear. Will it be when I’m running errands or buying groceries? I have images of turning a corner somewhere only to come face to face with him.

Cole haunts me everywhere I go. Even in the places I should feel safest.

Damian’s changed all the locks and added security cameras to nearly every room in the house except the bedrooms and bathrooms, but I still go to bed every night dreading Cole’s arrival. I’ll wake up suddenly, thinking his hands are around my throat. Although, I keep all of this to myself. We’re all battling the demons he’s left us with and I don’t need anyone to take on mine.

“I’ll be fine. Today is a good day,” I try to convince her, smiling widely. I’ve gotten good at that—wearing this mask and lying about my feelings. I might have been a shit liar before, but now I’m a pro.

Cass lingers a moment longer and then grabs her purse. “Well call me if you need anything. I know you’ll want your privacy, so I’m going to head out.”

I’m about to say thank you again, she can see it as my lips part and gives me a warning look. Closing my mouth, I nod at her, letting her leave without my spoken gratitude.

I’m staring out of the windows in the living room, looking out over the Toccoa River when I hear car doors slamming shut. There’s a moment of panic when I think it might be Cole, coming to finish what he started—I push away the thought.

Wes and Damian rarely leave me by myself, but I insisted that they both pick up Sutton. I assured them that Cassie would stay until they arrived. Being alone, or completely alone, was off the table for now, at least while Cole’s still out there.

I know I’m going to get a lecture for sending Cassie off early. However, I needed a moment to myself.

The door opens and Sutton’s flanked on either side by his brothers. He’s gotten good at using his cane.

I watched as he pushed through physical therapy, hardly complaining. Sutton was determined to heal as quickly as possible. I hate his reason. He already has his eye on a new bike, despite my constant nagging that he should get something with four wheels.

A smile breaks out over my face and I make my way to him, wrapping my arms around his neck. Breathing in his lavender and sandalwood scent comforts me. “Welcome home. I’ve missed having you here.” I pull back and he kisses me. Heat rises to my cheeks.

“Damn, give the man a minute to get in the door before you pounce,” Wes teases. I give him a look that shuts him up.

“Hey, I’m not complaining. It’s been a really, really long month.” Sutton looks at me as he says it, his amber eyes intensifying.

I shake my head. “Listen, I did the best I could. Those nurses were in your room every twenty minutes—you’re lucky you got as many BJs and hand jobs as you did. The poor fucking nurse who had to change those sheets,” I laugh out.

Yeah, I’ve gotten pretty good at hiding the storm inside of me. Everything seems normal from the outside.

“C’mon, let’s get this guy some real food. That hospital shit has him practically wasting away.” Damian guides him into the kitchen where Cassie’s set out a variety of platters.

I watch as Sutton, Wes, and Damian laugh easily, popping bites of food into their mouths, completely carefree. I wonder if they’re lying too, if they’re wearing the same mask as me.

My fingers dig into my pocket, finding the folded note that I’m carrying with me until I can hide it in my usual spot at the studio. I found it on my pillow this morning, but I couldn’t read it until Cassie left.

I’m sure I can recite it. I must have read it fifty times—the words on the page are burned into my mind.

Hello my love,

You look so restless sleeping right now. How your eyes flutter rapidly and your breath picks up as if you’re scared. I wonder if it’s only when I’m here, like you can sense me and fear surges through your body. Or do I take up every corner of your mind all day long like you do mine?

That white dress you were wearing yesterday looked so good, it almost tempted me to reveal myself. It reminds me of the one you wore the night you accepted the terms of the pact. Do you remember? It was the one you wore when you rode my hand on your couch. I liked that one better. I could see your pink thong through the one you wore yesterday, so I’m taking it with me. I wouldn’t want you to be the talk of the town, love.

Have you told them about my love letters yet? I bet you haven’t. I think you like knowing you still have a hold on me. Always wanting some attention, no matter where it comes from. Don’t worry, you’ll have all of mine soon. Keep looking for me, Thea. I’m everywhere.

Obsessively yours,

C.

This was letter number five. Each one on my pillow on a morning I awoke in my room. That was enough to tell me he was checking in on me daily. I thought about telling Damian after I received the first one, but something stopped me.

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