Page 12 of The Pact

I park at the base of the trail, slide on my backpack, and hang my camera around my neck. I nod a silent hello to a couple exiting as I enter. My phone buzzes once, a momentary spot of reception allowing the message to come through.

Cole: Enjoy your hike today. Be careful.

He remembered. It makes me smile stupidly. Cole was the first to text after our date two days ago, a good morning message that made my stomach flutter.

I felt a little strange popping in to grab coffee a couple of hours later, not wanting it to seem like I was going out of my way to see him so soon. I thought about skipping my morning cup, but that wouldn’t be good for anyone. Thankfully, he wasn’t working, so I was able to bypass any awkwardness.

Today was the same. No Cole when I grabbed my coffee.

There aren’t any valid reasons for me to avoid him. I’ll have to see him, eventually. Plus, he’s been nothing but kind through texts. I’m just not used to this and I don’t want to appear desperate. And I absolutely don’t want his staff catching on to anything that’s going on between us.

Cole told me he’d be closing tonight, so I might pop in when it’s quiet to grab some tea and feel him out. I’ve toyed with the idea of asking him out on a second date, although the thought unsettles me.

It shouldn’t. Women ask men out all the time. Yet years of rejection still makes me insecure at times.

I push away thoughts of Cole and focus on reflecting.

In my old life, I never made much time for it. I was on auto-pilot, trying to make it through my last relationship with my sanity intact. I might have saved myself a lot of heartache if I hadn’t blocked out that inner voice that was screaming at me to see the signs. Because now it’s all so clear.

I was young when I met Gavin Tallentire—we both were. We attended the University of Georgia, although we didn’t meet until our junior year. He was charming, or rather, that’s what I wanted to see. Manipulation can often masquerade as charm.

I wasn’t faultless—I shouldn’t have rushed the relationship. Building a friendship first probably would have shown me exactly who he was. Hindsight is twenty-twenty.

His love so closely resembled what I experienced growing up that falling for him was inevitable. Gavin gave me praise and affection when I did something that he viewed as favorable, then he distanced himself. If my actions didn’t benefit him, if I wasn’t giving him everything he wanted, I was invisible.

It was so similar to my parent’s love—left on my own unless they needed me or wanted to show me off to their friends. She’s so independent, she barely needs us. Thea is on the honor roll again. She received a full scholarship. The words used to feel like compliments, but now I see them for what they are—my parents taking credit for everything I had to do to survive.

If I wasn’t independent, I wouldn’t have eaten half the time. If I didn’t make honor roll, I would be subject to their criticism. If I didn’t apply for scholarships, they wouldn’t have paid my tuition.

And I let Gavin put me right back in the prison I’d clawed my way out of.

The thoughts bring a wave of shame. Tears prickle my eyes. I stop to hide behind my lens and snap some photos, letting the emotions sink back down.

Even after months of therapy, it’s still hard reconciling that Cassie is the only person close to me who doesn’t love me conditionally. I’m thankful to at least have her, although there’s a certain pain that comes from having to keep your blood at a distance to protect yourself.

I clear my mind and let myself enjoy the rest of the hike without the burdensome thoughts of what I can’t control.

An hour later, my feet hit the pavement again. I make the final climb up the observation tower steps. I’m out of breath when I arrive, taking deep chugs from my water bottle. Opening my eyes as I drink, my body stills.

I’m surrounded by rounded peaks in every direction and the late afternoon sun hangs low in the sky, casting a warm glow over the Appalachian mountains. The trail up was difficult, yet the view is beyond worth it.

Taking my time, I walk the perimeter of the tower, snapping photos every few feet. When I’m satisfied, I stand there taking it all in.

Admittedly, I’ve been through a lot, more than most people know, even Cassie. But moments like these almost makes it worthwhile. Knowing I’ve overcome all the obstacles and made it to the other side is gratifying.

Now… an hour hike back down. I nearly laugh, knowing I’ll be sore for the next few days.

I pull into a parking space near the bakery. I didn’t tell Cole that I’d be stopping by, mostly because I was still unsure if I would until I drove right past my apartment and turned onto Main Street. It’s not that big of a deal, I tell myself, not fully believing it.

I want to accept that Cole is genuine, yet it’s difficult. My history aside, I remember all the years of dating Cassie went through before finding Anthony. There were too many nights to count where I listened silently while she screamed, ranted, and cried over men who made her believe she was special, only to disappear without an explanation.

Love-bombing. That’s what she called it. These men showered her with compliments and seemed consistent for weeks, sometimes even months, only to get what they wanted from her.

I don’t get the impression that Cole would do that, although it’s not something I can completely rule out. So I keep telling myself to simply enjoy the time that I have with him. I also remind myself to not get too swept up by what he says or does until I’m sure I can trust him.

The sky is darkening a bit and I can see Cole through the window, wiping down a counter. He’s the only one I can see inside.

Click. Click.

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