Page 84 of The Pact

I don’t want to admit it, feeling like it’ll make me even weaker. But I also know I can’t lie. “Looks that way.”

“It’s not you,” he says plainly after a few minutes. “A few years ago, we had a girlfriend, Victoria. She lived with us and we thought that was it for us. Everything was perfect.” It should hurt to hear about this, about their past with another woman, yet it doesn’t. I’m happy that Wesley is opening up. “When she left…” I see the pain on his face. His eyes close momentarily and his fists clench—the light catches the two red gems in his ring.

“It’s never easy losing someone you love.” I want to reach out to him, but hesitate.

Those bottomless brown eyes soften as he gives me the slightest smile. It’s almost nonexistent. “It’s been hard imagining having something like that again. I can’t go through that pain… it put me into a pretty bad depression. I wasn’t sure I’d come out of it.”

His admission makes my heart sting. Depression is the last thing I would have expected him to struggle with. I mean, sure, with me he’s moody. However, I’ve seen glimpses of him with other people. His bright smile and the way he throws his head back when he laughs. His presence takes up the entire room in the best way possible. And I’d venture to guess that the only people who know the truth about his struggles are his brothers. Everyone else sees the mask he wears.

I want to promise him it won’t be like that, although it might be a lie. I’d never want to hurt any of them, but I don’t know what the future holds, so I offer him the truth. “I understand.”

“For the last two years, I’ve been focusing on my mental health, going to therapy, building my business, throwing myself into fitness and nature. I’m in a good place and my meds are working great.” And in a moment of complete unguardedness, he confesses, “I feel like you might ruin that… if I let myself fall for you and you walked away, I don’t know if I’d survive it.” He runs his hand over the back of his neck. “I know it’s not fair for me to put that on you, but I need you to know why I’m holding back.”

This time, I don’t hesitate. I reach across and lay my hand on his arm. The warmth of his skin is soothing. “Wesley, I feel the same way. I’ve protected myself for a long time, terrified of letting anyone in again, knowing I could be right back where I started a year ago or worse. Thank you for opening up to me.” The next part I say because I need him to know that there’s no pressure and honestly, it’d be better if they ended things with me now. It might save me a lot of pain. “I know you feel pressured to pursue me, but I don’t want that. I don’t want you getting into this if you’re not ready. Your mental health is so much more important and you won’t have to worry about me being angry or anything like that if you want to cut this off. It’s okay, I’ll understand.”

The words are painful to say because it’s true. I won’t be angry and I will understand, although it will hurt like hell. But he doesn’t need that weighing him down.

“Thank you. It means a lot that you respect my boundaries.” With those words, I’m fully expecting Wesley to tell Damian it’s not going to work when we get to the house. Damn it, if I don’t want to cry the whole way back like a fucking baby, however, that would be too selfish.

I can at least wait until I make it to my room to wallow in private.

Our walk back is about as quiet as the hike there. Wesley does point out a few spots that might make for a good picture. He shows me a few blooms off in the distance that I missed before. He even spots a deer for me to capture.

I can tell he’s softened a bit after our conversation, although I think it’s more of him feeling bad about what’s to come.

WESLEY

My eyes stare at the back of Thea’s head almost the entire way back as I try to figure her out. I look at her ass, too. I’m still a man. But it’s her mind that’s throwing me.

Today was completely unexpected. She made me food when I only brought her a shitty snack bar. Thea took the time to nourish me. It might not mean much to someone else, but to me it was a thoughtful gesture I didn’t deserve—considering I’ve been kind of an asshole.

This is the first time we’ve been alone together. My brothers have been a welcome buffer between us until now. That made it easier to keep my walls up. However, today, in less than an hour, she made me feel so comfortable that my emotions came spilling out.

That’s never happened to me before.

I shared with her my fears of getting into a relationship and my depression. No one knows about that except my brothers. And she understood. Not only understood, she accepted me. Thea even said that she wouldn’t be angry if I couldn’t be with her, if I wasn’t ready. She’d let all of us go to keep my mental health intact.

It says a lot about her character. While I haven’t had anything against her in particular, today she earned my respect.

In the distance, I spot some flowers and point them out to Thea. I watch as she crouches down, focusing her camera in the direction I showed her. After a minute, she stands and continues walking. We’ve both been silent for the most part, so when she thanks me every time I show her something of interest, I’m hyper aware that her tone is soft, defeated. Fuck.

I was scared she was going to ruin me, but look at me ruining her.

An old pain creeps into my chest with that realization—one I haven’t felt in two years. I can’t do that to her. However, it’s not out of sympathy or pity, it’s because despite everything I’ve done to protect myself, she’s still gotten through. If I hurt her, I’ll be hurting myself.

Most people might get all giddy and shit at the thought of someone having feelings for them or the possibility of falling in love. It fills me with dread. Loving someone means they can leave you. Or in my case, they’ll leave you—it’s only a matter of time. I told Thea about Victoria. But I’ve held back a more significant loss.

I don’t remember her leaving, so it shouldn’t hurt as much as it does. And at least she had the decency to leave me with family. She could have tossed me in a dumpster. The pain of that abandonment is far worse than Victoria’s. I got over her eventually. However, my mom…that’s an ache that haunts me all the time.

When we hit the top of the driveway, Thea turns to me. Those big blue eyes under thick dark lashes penetrate me. I need some space to think through all of this.

“I’m going to head out for a bit, run some errands. Need anything?” Why is she still being so nice? I shake my head, wanting to get inside.

Thea gives me a weak smile and walks to her truck. I don’t stay to see her off. While she’s gone, I need to figure this shit out.

I hurry through the front door. Damian’s standing in the kitchen. His face scrunches as I stomp through the dining room to the stairs.

“Where’s Thea?” He asks, a hint of warning in his voice. When I don’t answer, he rushes toward me, grabbing me by the arm. “What happened?”

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