Page 50 of The Pact

In my head, I know I shouldn’t care what she thinks, although in my heart, I do.

Finally, I try to imagine my life with each of the men. It’s easy with Sutton. I know him so well even after all our years apart. I can see days of lying around, reading and nights of memorizing each other’s bodies. With Cole, I can see all the sweetness. We’d spend hours baking and cooking. He’d learn just how I like to be touched. He’d get that dark look in his eyes and I wouldn’t be able to resist him. Damian is a bit more difficult. I don’t know him well, however, I can tell that he is protective and likes to be in control. I think he’d keep me safe. Wesley is the hardest. I see how he is with other people. He laughed and joked with his hands going in all directions. He’s so animated. But with me, he’s closed off—cold. So if he ever opened up, I imagine he would make me feel better on my toughest days. He’d make me laugh or give me the best hug.

My lip quivers as images of memories that haven’t happened yet flash through my mind. Goosebumps break out over my skin as my heart races. What a beautiful fucking life that would be. There would be sacrifices and conflict. Would it all be worth it?

I’m almost sure I know what I’m going to decide, although I need to talk to Cole first—alone.

Me: Hey, can I meet you tomorrow evening to talk?

Cole: Of course. I’m closing. Do you want to come to the bakery around seven? I’ll make you some tea.

Me: That would be great.

Cole: I miss you.

Me: I miss you too.

My nerves have been on fire all day. I’ve hardly been able to sit still. I’ve tried cleaning, editing photos, watching a movie, napping, editing photos again—I can’t concentrate on anything except the knotted ball in my stomach. When six forty-five rolls around, I can’t get out of the house fast enough. I decide to walk. If I drive, I’ll have to sit in my apartment for another ten minutes—I can’t do that.

I’ve run out of long sleeve shirts and frankly, I’m tired of sweating my ass off in the summer sun trying to hide the now yellowing bruise. I opt for a thin strapped maxi dress with blue florals that’s snug on my chest and hips, loosening a bit towards my feet. The ties of the ruched bosom hang down my torso.

It’s probably unfair for me to look this good meeting up with Cole to discuss something so important, but I couldn’t help myself. It’s been three days since I’ve seen him and I want to be prepared for anything.

Pulling open the door, I’m hit with the familiar scent of buttery, baked goodness and freshly brewed coffee. I’ve been without my fix for days and while it’s tempting to grab a cup, I don’t want to be up all night.

All of that clears from my mind as soon as Cole looks up and sees me. He doesn’t give me his usual smile, instead his tongue darts out, wetting his lips. I want to climb across that counter and kiss him, although I exercise some self control.

Cole comes from around the counter and walks to me with purpose. His eyes have that look, the one I can’t resist. I focus on my breathing and brace myself, thinking that he’s going to grab me. He leans in close so that his warm cinnamon and amber scent teases me.

His hand is on the door at my back. I can’t think around his smell, the feel of his breath on my skin, or the throbbing between my legs. I hear the click of a lock, then he flips the sign to say closed.

“Hi Thea.” He’s not touching me, yet electricity pulses hot and urgent in the sliver of space between us.

Cole’s holding back. I know it’s because he’s preparing for the worst—probably has been for days. I don’t want to see him like this. It’s hurting both of us. So I wrap my arms around him, pulling him in close. I’ve missed the warmth and feel of his body against mine. It takes him a moment, then he embraces me, hanging on so tight I think he might never let me go.

Pulling away first, he offers, “Let me get you that tea.” I find a table to sit at, one that’s partially obscured by a couple of potted trees outside. No reason to give the town more to talk about than necessary.

Cole comes over with two steaming cups and takes a seat across from me. “It’s good to see you. I wanted to ask how things went with your parents the other day. However, I know you needed your space.” He takes a sip of his drink.

“Thank you. That means a lot and shows me you can respect my boundaries. That’s very important to me.” I take a steadying breath. “The visit with my parents didn’t go well. I’ll spare you all the details, but they’re the reason that Gavin is here. They would have me be with someone who will hurt me rather than respect that he doesn’t make me happy.”

He reaches out a hand across the table and I take it. “I’m so sorry. That must be hard.” I nod in agreement.

“It is. But it also gave me a lot of clarity. I can see what I want my future to look like, the person I want to spend it with. And I sorted through my reservations.” Cole’s grip tightens. He’s nervous. I am too, so I run my thumb over his hand reassuringly to help him relax.

“I think I care too much about what other people think. I always have. College was the only time that I really came out of my shell and lived for me. I didn’t have the pressure of my parents constantly criticizing me. Sutton was my only close friend back then and you know, he’s not exactly the judgy type. That was the happiest time of my life. I’m happy now, of course, yet I’m still holding onto things that aren’t important.”

I drink some of my tea and collect the thoughts that are ping-ponging through my head. This was so much easier when I didn’t need to say it out loud.

“Cassie’s opinion, the people in town who already have a low opinion of me, my parent’s expectations… But if I live according to how everyone else thinks I should, I’ll regret not knowing if I could have been happier. This is all to say that I’m considering saying yes to the four of you.” Cole’s eyebrows raise in surprise. “I’ve also considered walking away completely. The only thing off the table is asking you to leave your brothers. That is something I could never do. I’m sorry I even brought it up the other day. Before I decide, I need some more details.”

Cole’s uncertainty returns. I’m sure he’s nervous he could say the wrong thing and scare me away. “Anything. I’ll tell you whatever you want to know.”

For the next two hours, we talk about everything that worries me, the logistics of dating them, arguments, communication, and their history with this arrangement.

“Jealousy isn’t an issue between the four of us. We got that out of our systems when we were kids. We realized if we set our egos aside, we could be stronger, better. It’s worked for us all these years. That applies to relationships as well. You’ll have a special bond with each of us. We’re all different people and who you are with each of us will vary slightly. But to the core, we’re loyal, we care fiercely for one another, and we stick it out during the tough times. It won’t be perfect, there will be fights, however, there will be so many beautiful moments. It’s about finding a good rhythm and making sure everyone is as happy as possible.”

It makes sense when he describes it like this. “Cole, I’m worried because Sutton and I have a long history together. Nothing ever happened between us—”

---