Page 48 of The Pact

My nails dig into the wood of the table as she speaks. She’s the reason Gavin’s in Willow Hill. She’s the reason I’m sporting this bruised wrist. While my mother doesn’t know about his tendency to get physical, she absolutely knew I had no interest in getting back together with him from the many conversations we’ve had about it.

“Why would you do that?” The words squeeze through my gritted teeth.

She ignores my anger.

Setting her fork down, she answers calmly. “Let’s face it Thea, this is not the life we imagined for you. Living in a dingy little apartment,” she pauses to glance around in disgust before continuing, “barely scraping by, single, childless. It’s hardly a life at all. You spent so many years with Gavin. It seems like a waste to let that go down the drain for some silly differences of opinion.”

I let out a huff of annoyance as I push my plate away—my appetite suddenly gone. “You had no right sending him here. Do you not see how inappropriate that is? He showed up and won’t leave me alone. And we didn’t break up over silly differences of opinion.” I didn’t go into all the sordid details of why I left Gavin when the breakup was fresh. However, it shouldn’t matter. They’re my parents and should support me if I no longer want to be in a relationship with someone. “Gavin cheated on me. That was the tipping point. Aside from that, he was demeaning, controlling, degrading, and if you give me two minutes, I can easily come up with a list of fifty other derogatory things to say about him.”

Part of me is happy the truth is out. At least they’ll know my reason for breaking up with him is valid. Except my mother defends him. “Oh Thea, all men have their little indiscretions. They’re visual creatures. If even one tramp shows them any kind of attention, they are foaming at the mouth.” This sounds like a personal confession and I can’t bear to look at my father, knowing she’s probably referring to him.

“Mom, that’s not normal. Commitment, trust, support, and love aren’t frivolous things I’m willing to sacrifice because of your need for me to settle down. If people get into a relationship on those terms, they should be honored.”

She waves her hand in the air as if what I’m saying is meaningless.

My own words sink in.

All the things I want in a relationship settle over me. Commitment. Trust. Support. Love. I know Cole can give them to me. I feel it. And while I’ve had a rocky start with Damian and Wesley, something deep inside tells me they’re capable of providing those things as well. Sutton is a given.

They lied. Okay, so maybe the trust aspect isn’t completely there. Although, I have secrets that I haven’t been honest about—some they now know about and some they don’t. I’m no better than them, yet they still want to take a chance on me.

I’m barely listening as my mother rambles on.

Can I do it? Can I let these four men give me everything I’ve been searching for? What’s the worst that’ll happen if I tried? We breakup—that would be the worst thing. But the best thing… I could be unbelievably happy, even if it’s in an unconventional way.

My mother’s voice pushes through my thoughts. “Listen, at the end of the day, your clock is ticking. I’m sure if you and Gavin get back together, he’ll pop the question in no time. A couple of years from now, you could have a baby or two and be living the dream.”

I stand, practically unable to control my outrage. “Who’s dream? Not mine! I don’t want a ring to say I have one. I’m not an incubator for some asshole’s kids. You would have your daughter in a relationship that makes her unhappy, where her husband cheats, and does this?” My hand is tearing back the sleeve of my shirt before I realize how stupid it is. All this time hiding my secret shame and here I am, showing it to the people who don’t deserve my vulnerability.

The bruise screams angrily against my skin. I see the slightest reaction in her eyes, yet her face remains flat. “He puts his hands on me. This is from a week ago, after you sent him here. This wasn’t the first time. If I were to take him back, it wouldn’t be the last.”

My father’s eyes lazily examine my wrist as he lets out a sigh and rubs his temples. He’s annoyed this might extend their visit. I shake my head. My disappointment in him doesn’t surprise me anymore. My father doesn’t even have the urge to protect me. He’s failed at his one crucial task as a parent. Fuck him. Fuck both of them.

I sit back down, pushing all the hate and anger back inside. I want them to leave, so I vow to keep my mouth shut for the rest of their visit. It’s easy because neither of them has much to say after my outburst. At least they drop talking about Gavin.

I take their dinner plates without asking if they’re done. Faking a yawn, I tell them I’ve had a long week and usher them out the door. Relief floods over me with their absence, but agony also hits hard.

The tears hit me as soon as the door closes and my back slides down it. I hug my knees to my chest, letting it all out. No one deserves this. No one deserves this. No one deserves this. No one deserves this.

I’ll never have parents who care about my wellbeing. I’ll never have a mom that hugs me and validates my feelings. I’ll never have a dad that protects me at all costs or cherishes me.

I can have the things I deserve. Maybe not from my parents, although I can have it with them. Cole, Sutton, Damian, and Wesley can give me everything I’ve been missing. And I can give them the same in return. Trust can be earned back, right?

I eventually make it to my bed and cry until my body gives in to sleep.

COLE

I didn’t hear from Thea last night. I knew her parents’ visit was going to be tough for her. Putting this decision on her at the same time is cruel. I should’ve told Damian I’d do it after this weekend.

But we were hardly speaking before all of this, so that wouldn’t have gone over well. Now, well, we haven’t talked since Thea left the house two days ago. We’re both upset about the same thing—keeping secrets. I didn’t tell him about Thea’s bruise, although it really had only been hours since I’d found out myself. He’d kept the news of Gavin being in town from me for over a week. If he would have said something, Thea might not have gotten hurt at all.

Giving her space after telling her about the pact is hard for me. She didn’t say yes or no the last time I saw her, however, each day that passes makes me think she’s leaning towards no. I’m weak and want to call her, go to her apartment, hold her. I want to tell her to say yes, that I will make her so happy—we all will. Thea can’t see that yet.

I stop myself, mostly. She needs to come to this decision on her own because if I push her too much, I’ll always wonder if she truly wanted it.

Me: Good morning. I hope you’re good after yesterday.

I don’t expect much back. My check-in texts with her have been met with polite, but curt replies. It’s hard to tell if she’s giving herself time to work through it all or if she’s already decided that this isn’t for her.

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