Page 164 of The Pact

I’m not sure what I’m afraid of exactly. I guess that they might use it to manipulate me or that they could hurt me with it later. That’s what people do—they use weaknesses as weapons. At least everyone I’ve loved has. Although the alternative is that I keep my walls up and never experience true vulnerability with them.

“I’ve never felt anything like that before. It was…life altering.” I know it sounds dramatic, but I wish they could feel what I’m feeling. “My whole body felt alive and connected with all of you. It’s hard to describe.”

Damian nods over Cole’s shoulder. “I know what you mean. I think it was like that for all of us.” His admission makes me feel a little better. “Is that why you’re crying?”

My eyes close tightly as a fresh wave of stinging hits me. “No. I-I spent so many years living a shadow of a life, settling for less than I deserved. Years wasted being miserable, letting life pass me by. And now…I’ve never felt this happy. I didn’t know it was even possible.”

My chest feels tight and aches with the words I haven’t said. Tears roll down my hot cheeks.

A thumb brushes the wetness away. I open my eyes and see Cole staring at me like I’m breaking his heart by being upset.

“I don’t know what I’ll do if this ever ends. I can’t go back to before all of you. I’ll never find this kind of happiness anywhere else.” My voice cracks as I admit the thing that scares me the most. Losing them.

“Thea.” Damian’s voice edges on warning. “The only way out of this is death. Even then, we’ll find you. You’re ours, now and forever.”

He’s propped up on an elbow, staring at me. “Promise?” I ask as I search his eyes for any trace of hesitation.

“On my life, princess,” he vows. His icy blue gaze hardening with conviction.

“On my life, baby,” Sutton echoes.

Wesley pledges. “On my life, blue eyes”

I look at Cole as he smiles at me. “On my life, love.”

I believe each of them, even if the logical part of me thinks it’s ridiculous. The part of me that cares for them pushes away rationality.

I fall asleep fast to the promise that they will not walk away. I dream of a life far into the future where we’ve built something indestructibly beautiful. For the first time in a long time, I don’t think my ability to see beauty in the darkness will ruin me—I think it might save me.

55

THEA

“Wake up, my love.” I hear the faint voice breaking through the layers of sleep. The kisses on my neck make me smile and I turn to face Cole. He’s looking at me with a soft smile on his face. “I love watching you wake up.”

I groan, knowing my hair is a mess and I have morning breath. “Why are you dressed?”

He’s wearing a long sleeve V-neck and jeans. I’d much prefer him to be in the gray sweats he was wearing last night.

“Someone called in. I have to cover at the bakery.” He leans down and gives me a sweet kiss. I try to deepen it, but he laughs. “If we start that, I won’t be able to stop. I really have to go.” I pout, although I don’t argue.

“What about the barbeque?” He’s been working hard preparing for it over the last couple of weeks.

Running the back of his hand over my cheek, he assures me. “Everything’s handled and I should be back a few hours before.”

“Are you sure? Is there anything you need me to do?”

“No, no. The caterers will come around four. Jessie should be here within the hour to clean. Damian has a few things to pick up, but otherwise, we’ve got everything covered. Plus, you have a client at eleven, so I want you to focus on that. Alright?”

I nod and give him one more kiss before he pushes off the bed. “I love you.” He turns in the doorway.

“I love you too.”

My heart gives a small flutter. I’m in love and I still can’t believe it. And not with one man, but two. I told Sutton I loved him more than a week ago—the night we all slept together. I’ve loved Sutton for a long time. However, it was only in my vulnerable state that I fully realized how much and needed him to know I felt the same way.

The feelings I have for Wesley and Damian are still growing, although I care deeply for them both.

I’ve had many flashbacks to the morning we all woke up in that enormous bed, pressed against each other. Sutton and Cole framed my back and front, while Wesley and Damian had their arms thrown over them to keep contact with my skin all night long.

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