Page 104 of Finding Molly Parsons

“Okay. Which part of us dating is moving too fast?”

“All of it,” Carmen sighed. Stop being a fucking coward! “Rachel, I just don’t think I’m ready for this, for dating.”

Rachel nodded her head in thought. “You pursued me. You remember that, right?”

Dropping her head to her chest, Carmen blew out a breath. “Yeah, I did and I’m sorry I’m jerking you around. I thought this was what I wanted. I thought I was ready to try getting serious with someone.”

“But I’m not the right someone, huh?”

“I—” What could she say? Rachel wasn’t wrong, but the someone Carmen kept thinking about was the one person she couldn’t have. Mateo and Enid would tell her she was making stupid excuses, purposely sabotaging herself, and, yes, they were probably right, but no matter how hard Carmen tried to break down her own walls, she was stuck.

“Carmen, you don’t have to explain yourself to me. I just wish you would have been a little more honest with yourself before you got me involved.”

“Rachel, I’m so sorry. The last thing I want is to hurt you. And, I know that is a bullshit clichéd thing to say to you, but it really is the truth.”

“It’s disappointing. I thought we made a damn good couple, but I’ll get over it. Maybe I’ll call you in a few weeks, after we’ve both had some time.”

Carmen nodded, squeezing Rachel’s hand as she stood to leave. Fuck! “I’m sorry, Rach.”

“See you around, Ruiz.”

Carmen scrubbed her hands up and down her face in frustration. This was not how the day was supposed to go!

Even though Rachel wasn’t the one for her, a tug pulled at Carmen’s heart as she watched Rachel leave. Was this going to be her life? Alone, unable to connect, or allow herself to get close? Shaking her head, Carmen whipped out her phone and hit dial. Living this way was unacceptable. “Hi Doc, can you fit me in?”

For weeks now, Carmen hadn’t been telling her therapist the entire truth about her feelings. They spoke about Carmen changing careers and they worked on ways Carmen could learn to trust others. Carmen was happy to talk about Rachel, Mateo, and Faith, but the one person she hadn’t allowed herself to talk in depth about was Molly.

Everyone in Carmen’s life was happy. They were living for themselves. Mateo and Daniel, Faith and Nathalie. Hell, even Enid was speed dating. And all Carmen could do was hide behind her walls, hurting people she cared for.

After a grueling session, Carmen left her therapist’s office feeling raw but in a better frame of mind. Rachel was right to end things with her. Carmen was not in the right place to start a serious relationship. There was a lot of work to do on herself, and she couldn’t concentrate on that with someone else in her life.

Learning to let people in was her number one goal. Getting out and meeting people, forming connections became a priority. Since working for Rita, Carmen had been getting out of the house a hell of a lot more, but she was still holed up in her room most of the time.

“Okay, Ruiz, what’s the first step?” she asked herself, walking towards her favorite coffee shop. A sign in the shop window caught Carmen’s eye. The owner of the café was advertising space above the shop to rent. There were three offices in total. “Well, if this isn’t a sign, literally, I don’t know what is,” Carmen chuckled.

Renting an office was the answer. There would be at least two other people occupying the space, which meant Carmen would have to step out of her comfort zone and socialize a little.

Pushing through the door, Carmen made her way to the counter. After ordering a large coffee, Carmen inquired about the space. The owner was a lovely lady who took Carmen upstairs to view the last remaining office. It was perfect.

The day may have started rocky, but things were looking up. Carmen signed the lease there and then. It was a risk and she might regret it, but drastic action was called for.

???

Shuffling to the bathroom, Carmen yawned, scratching her butt. After signing the lease, she tasked herself with organizing files and folders ready to move to her new space. It was past midnight by the time she finished. At some point, she heard Nathalie arrive, and then Faith come home.

Yawning, she shuffled to the bathroom. It was relatively early in the morning, but Carmen couldn’t fall back to sleep. Her foot had just reached the tile on the bathroom floor when a noise carried from Faith’s room. Freezing, Carmen’s eyes grew wide. A second groan, louder than the first, reached her ears. “No, no, nope.” Carmen did not want to be hearing what she was hearing. Actually, she wanted to bleach her ears. Turning on her heel, she clamped her hands over her ears and rushed through the house, not stopping until she made it to Enid’s house.

“Why are you on my doorstep in your boxers?” Enid questioned the moment she opened her door.

“Can’t I just stop by?”

“Sure you can, but you usually wear more clothes. Christ, Carmen, your tits are amazing.”

Wrapping her arms around her chest, Carmen rolled her eyes. “Thanks,” she chuckled.

“I remember when my boobs stayed north of the equator all on their own. Ah, the good old days.”

“Your boobs look great. Now, have you got bourbon or something?”

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