Page 90 of Finding Molly Parsons

“Probably,” Nathalie laughed.

“Right, that calls for backup then.” Carmen grabbed her wallet and car keys. Confused, Faith and Nathalie followed Carmen out the door. Both burst into laughter when Carmen walked up to Enid’s house.

Chapter 22

Carmen

Drumming her fingers on her work desk, Carmen let out a frustrated huff. It had been three weeks since they returned to Seattle, so why the hell was she still struggling? Lack of focus plagued her every waking hour. Carmen’s brain was only content to obsess over her catastrophic fuck-up. Sleeping with Molly was perfect, but a colossal mistake. How could she have let one moment of weakness override her common sense?

The fact they could hardly look at each other once they’d both come was a huge indicator that it should never have happened. And now it was going to be a constant source of awkwardness. It’s not like Carmen would never see the woman again. If that were the case, she wouldn’t still be flagellating herself. But she would see Molly. It was inevitable. Faith was already talking about inviting her aunt to Seattle.

Ah, Faith. Another colossal fuck-up Carmen blamed herself for. Knowing Faith thought Carmen regretted inviting her to live in Seattle sat heavy in her stomach. After they’d left California, Carmen retreated within herself. It was the only way she knew how to deal with what she was feeling. However, that had given Faith the impression she wasn’t welcome, and that was an awful feeling to have.

As soon as Enid ripped her a new asshole, Carmen tried her hardest to act normally around Faith. It was any time she was alone that her thoughts and mood drifted. She was stuck in a perpetual loop of regret and longing.

No matter how much her brain screamed at her for doing something so stupid, Carmen’s heart and body longed for Molly’s touch. Carmen knew great sex. Over the years, she’d experienced some wild things with a multitude of women. With Molly Parsons, all those experiences amounted to nothing but vanilla encounters. It wasn’t because they did anything out of the ordinary; it was the feeling that accompanied the act.

The want had been so strong, so raw. Carmen felt as if they’d claimed each other, if only for that brief time. And now Carmen didn’t know how to move on from that. In California, she’d decided to make a few changes in her life. Since returning, Carmen had tried to keep her word. A conversation with Rita started the ball rolling and Carmen was looking forward to challenging herself. Getting out of the house more and meeting new people.

What Carmen hadn’t banked on changing was her approach to women. Casual sex was satisfactory, and it meant Carmen didn’t need to be vulnerable and open to getting hurt. For a long time that worked perfectly, but now, after the connection she felt with Molly, Carmen wasn’t sure if casual sex would be enough.

The one person who Carmen relied on to talk this sort of shit through with was absent most of the time now. Mateo and Daniel had ramped up the intensity of their relationship to lesbian standards. A U-Haul was definitely in their future. It was only a matter of time before Mateo wanted to move out. That was a clawing feeling Carmen didn’t want to explore right now. Too many things were changing.

So here she sat in her room again because Mateo was out and so was Faith. Alone and drowning in her own feelings. Great!

The ping of a text message caught her attention. Carmen almost threw the phone across the room when she read Molly’s name on the screen. Why was she messaging?

“Stop being pathetic,” she growled to herself. Picking up the phone, Carmen tapped the message. A picture of Darren loaded. His face had healed, and his smile was radiant. The picture showed him with an arm slung around Molly’s shoulder, laughing.

Carmen’s heart burst open. Darren looked so happy. A far cry from the broken boy Carmen and Molly nursed all those weeks ago.

Carmen 10:45 a.m.

Oh wow, he looks great! How’s he doing?

Molly’s instant reply brought a smile to her face.

Molly 10:46 a.m.

So good. His boyfriend’s parents have offered him a home. Darren reported his dad. It’s been a little intense, but he’s coping well.

Carmen 10:47 a.m.

Oh wow, that’s huge. I’m so happy he’s got a place to go. Please send him my love.

Molly 10:47 a.m.

I will.

Carmen began tapping her fingers on her desk again. Should she mention the party? Apologize? Or should it just be ignored?

Molly 10:48 a.m.

Oh my God, you have to see this cat video, it’s hilarious.

Okay, it looked like Molly wanted to skate over the whole thing, and Carmen was good with that. Maybe she could start sleeping normally now, or you know, focus on anything else but having sex with Molly Parsons.

Later that evening, Carmen was still on her own. Faith and Nathalie were practically joined at the hip now, and ever since Rita had taken to mentoring Faith, Carmen saw less and less of her. As much as Carmen wished she could see Mateo and Faith more, she was happy they were both thriving.

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