Page 43 of Finding Molly Parsons

“That’s a poppy, not a sunflower.” Carmen chuckled as Mateo screwed up his face, trying to look at the picture harder. As if that was possible.

“Fun fact though,” Faith chirped, “the ranch Molly is hopefully staying at is called Sunflower Ranch.”

“Cool,” Carmen mumbled. Sunflowers were her favorite. I wonder which flower Molly likes? “Right, come on, time for me to drive.”

Chapter 11

Molly

Molly’s fingertips brushed the soft sunflower petals as she walked. Soon the flowers would be taller than her, but until then she would continue her daily walks through the fields.

The sun beat down on her face, but it didn’t matter. Molly would always look to the sky when out walking. A reminder she was free and alive. Breathing in fresh air was a balm to any malady as far as she was concerned.

Today was a day that Molly needed the freedom of those sunflower fields. For most people, a birthday was to be celebrated with friends and family. For Molly, it was a time of reflection and healing. Ever since she found herself homeless as a teenager, Molly spent her birthday alone, contemplating all that had happened and all that could be.

There were a handful of people in Molly’s life that knew her history. Understood how tough the path had been for her to walk. But none of them could walk in her shoes. There was still a tendril of hope that one day she would be welcomed back with open arms and acceptance. Even after all these years, that ember still burned in her heart.

The part that hurt the most was that her brother hadn’t always been so closed-minded and bigoted. Before their parents died, Alan had been a kind and caring brother. He nurtured their relationship so tenderly. They spent all their time together, playing and learning. But then everything changed. Once their parents were gone, Alan sought refuge in the Pastor. A man who only preached hate. He taught her brother that punishing his so-called wicked sister would bring him closer to God. The Pastor’s hushed words played on a continuous loop in Alan’s ear, distorting his entire worldview, and turning him into someone unrecognizable. Someone who saw violence as a way of cleansing his sinful family, making them pure in God’s eyes once again. But Molly knew better. The only person Alan saved was himself. His behavior only served to keep his precious reputation amongst the churchgoers intact.

The memories still brought tears to Molly’s eyes. One man had dismantled a lifetime of love and support with his poison, resulting in Molly’s banishment from everything she’d ever known.

But she survived. Molly would always survive. And she would always keep trying to win back her brother. It was almost a guarantee that Alan threw away her letters every month, but no matter what, Molly would keep sending them. Her parents would want her to keep trying.

Fantasizing about what could have been was possibly the hardest part of her birthday. What if Alan had accepted her? Would she have spent every year with Alan and Maureen? Could they have had holidays together? As couples—that’s if Molly ever found “The One.” So many what ifs. Today was the only day Molly allowed herself to ponder those unanswerable questions. The other three hundred and sixty-four days of the year were about the kids that needed her help. They deserved her full attention.

A voice calling in the distance made Molly pause. She could see Chelsea’s red hair bobbing up and down as she jogged to catch up. “Hey, here you are. I’ve been looking for you.”

“The day is so beautiful, I thought I’d take a walk.” Not a lie, but not the entire truth, either. Chelsea’s presence irked Molly. They’d seen each other the night before and Molly made it clear she wanted the day to herself. In her heart, she knew Chelsea was just being a good friend. Few people understood Molly’s need for isolation on her birthday. Another part of Molly knew Chelsea was trying to get close to her emotionally. Their friends with benefits system had been successful throughout their friendship, but Molly felt a shift in Chelsea’s feelings.

“I know you wanted to be alone, but I thought we could grab a picnic or something. Just the two of us. I won’t even speak if that’s what you need.”

Molly squeezed Chelsea’s hand gently. “Thanks for the offer, but not today.” Chelsea’s disappointment was visible, but not enough to make Molly change her mind. This was her day, and she needed it to be just hers.

“Can I see you tomorrow, then?”

“Sure, tomorrow.” Molly smiled and then turned to leave. They needed to talk, but not now. That conversation could wait. And, if Molly were being completely honest, she needed Chelsea for a little longer. It was selfish, she knew that, but Chelsea gave Molly the outlet she needed. Maybe one more night together before Molly inevitably shattered the peace. Hopefully, Chelsea would still want to be friends without the benefits.

However, today was not the day to be making any decisions regarding anything. That’s why being on her own was the best thing—for everyone. Bessie, the ranch owner and head of the shelter, knew the reason Molly wanted to be alone and was more than happy to take over her duties for the day.

There were four kids currently living on the ranch. Four young adults cast aside—just as Molly had been—because of who they loved. Working with four teenagers was difficult, both mentally and physically, but Molly couldn’t see herself doing anything else. From the moment she was given a safe place to land—months after she was cast out—Molly dedicated herself to helping kids like her.

So far, working with different charities and shelters meant Molly had traveled most of the country. Though she loved each city, Molly never found one that felt like home. So, she kept moving, one city after the next. It was only when she met Ruth that Molly considered stopping and settling down. But when Bessie contacted her and offered her the job on the ranch, that old tugging feeling emerged. There was so much good she could do at the ranch.

Deciding to take the job was never in question. Molly felt guilty about that daily, because she knew Ruth should have factored into her decision more. But the ugly truth was, she hadn’t. Molly loved Ruth and really had wanted to settle down. Maybe it just wasn’t in her future? There would always be LGBTQI+ kids in need, and while Molly could help, that’s what she would do. Always.

How could she expect a partner to understand that, let alone allow her the freedom to do what she needed to do, without the promise of more? As she thought about it, Molly wasn’t sure if she would ever settle in one city. In her heart, she knew that if she found a place that made her feel at home, she would stop. Not the charity work; but the roaming.

Maybe that’s when Molly could safely give her heart to someone. When she felt at home. Her wandering thoughts brought her full circle to Alan. If he’d only loved her more, she would have still had her home.

A gentle breeze shifted the straw hat sitting delicately on Molly’s head. Placing her hand on top to stop it from taking off, Molly inhaled deeply, letting the summer air fill her entirely.

All she had to do was get through the rest of today and she would be fine. All she had to do was write Alan another letter and keep her fingers crossed this one would be the letter that made him contact her.

???

The dawn had barely broken, but Molly was up, showered and dressed, ready to start the day. As usual, it took her a few minutes to stuff the previous day in a box and secure it in the depths of her mind. Molly had her allotted time. Now it was back to business. Helping her kids. And that’s what they were.

Every young person Molly helped felt like hers. They became a part of her family. The proof was on her bedroom wall. Hundreds of pictures of Molly and the people she’d helped, as well as the beautiful people that she worked with professionally.

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