Page 108 of Finding Molly Parsons

“It’s okay. You don’t have to believe that. In the end, it doesn’t matter why. All that matters is you working through this shit so you can finally live a full and happy life. It will never be perfect, chica. I still have triggers, you know that, but I’m ninety percent there. I want that for you.”

“I want that too,” Carmen admitted.

“Okay, so what’s the plan?”

“I think I need some time away. A lot has happened over the past few months and maybe a bit of time alone will help me see through it all. I need to clear my head.”

“Alone? Are you sure?”

“I am. I’m going to listen to my doctor and spend quality time with myself. Is that okay?”

“Whatever you need, honey. I’ll be right here when you need me.”

Carmen had always thought she needed to keep Mateo close, to keep him from harm. Control was her friend, but now, after reading her innermost thoughts on that paper, Carmen understood she’d been holding everything too close.

If she were ever going to get to a place of happiness, she had to leave.

Chapter 26

Carmen, Molly & Faith

If Carmen wasn’t so sure this was what she needed to do, she would have canceled her plans to leave after Faith visited her and Carmen explained she would be going away for a while. Wow, that was a tough conversation to have. It certainly left her feeling guilty about taking time for herself. But, after hours of discussion with Mateo and her therapist, Carmen was resolute in her decision.

Acknowledging her difficulties had never come easy, but now, for whatever reason, Carmen found it a little easier to talk about her feelings. Mateo was making a point of checking in regularly. Which was nice, although it would be better if he weren’t such a massive drama queen about everything. Anyone would think she was leaving for good, instead of nipping off on an impromptu break.

The timing wasn’t wonderful. After all, she had just signed a lease for the shared office, however it wouldn’t go to waste. Rita was more than happy to take over for the duration of Carmen’s absence. It would make a good meeting space for small groups, apparently. Carmen was more than happy with that arrangement.

Admittedly, Carmen had consciously chosen to leave in the next day or two, because she really wanted to avoid seeing Molly again, who was due to arrive for her visit in three days’ time.

If Faith’s sad face had almost stopped her from going, Carmen was positive seeing Molly would completely derail her plans. She wasn’t prepared to admit yet that finding Molly Parsons was the catalyst to her recent need for change, but she couldn’t completely deny it either. Molly had reached parts of Carmen—no euphemism intended—that no other woman had. If they’d shared more than a few days and one spectacular night together, Carmen might be inclined to entertain the idea that Molly was a real possibility, a woman she could really give herself to.

But that wasn’t the case. Molly was Faith’s aunt. She had her own baggage and right now Carmen couldn’t allow herself to see a future with anyone, not until she felt better in herself.

Slamming her suitcase shut, Carmen realized she’d packed nearly her entire closet. Did she really need snow pants? No, not when she intended on traveling to Florida for a few weeks. Her itinerary had been decided by blindly pinning a thumbtack to a map of the U.S. Florida came up the winner.

The one benefit of Carmen working hard and never vacationing over the past twenty years was she had a stash of savings to fund her trip. In fact, she’d done something completely out of character and booked herself into a five-star hotel and spa. A fact she had most definitely not let slip to Mateo. He would jam himself into her luggage if privy to that kind of intel.

“Chica, did you know it’s Enid’s seventieth birthday next week?” Mateo called from the hallway.

“No, did she say something? Damn, we could have thrown a party if we had known sooner…”

“Faith told me. Why wouldn’t she have said anything?”

“You’d have to ask her that. Maybe she doesn’t like a fuss being made.”

“No, it’s because she doesn’t have family,” Faith chimed in.

“Can you guys come in here or something? I hate having a discussion with everyone in different parts of the house,” Carmen yelled.

“We’re her family,” Mateo protested, swishing his robe as he sank to Carmen’s bed.

“Did you talk to her about it?” Carmen asked Faith, who strode in seconds later.

“Yeah. She said and I quote, ‘My dipshit husband was supposed to take me away for the big seven-o, but he went and kicked the bucket, the silly old bastard.’”

“Yeah, that sounds about right,” Mateo laughed.

“That’s so sad,” Carmen sighed.

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