Page 24 of Redbird

CHAPTER NINE

KEIRA

I got pregnant the first month we tried. I told Gerard when I knew. And I’m four months along when we decide to tell Cash.

My last pregnancy was full of unknowns. This one is quiet waiting. I stand in the doorway of the barn, watching the men bring the cattle in. Cash wants to be involved in everything. Gerard is too busy to take him, he has to manage the entire ranch. But Cash convinces Jensen to let him ride with him some days. He sits proudly before him in the saddle.

My heart stings. Someday, he won’t be little anymore. He’ll be a man like his father and I’ll have to love him enough to let him go.

But for now, I watch him, small on Jensen’s horse. And I lean my head on the doorway and feel the first flutters deep inside. It took a while to get used to that during my first pregnancy. Now it feels almost ordinary.

I slide my hand down, pushing the heel of my palm in.

A smile moves over my face. This is the life we’ve chosen, despite our violent beginning.

And this life is so good.

Sunday night, Gerard comes in streaked with sweat. He washes in the kitchen sink because it’s just me in there, cooking. Everyone else rests in their houses, preparing for another week. I’m feeling good this pregnancy, I haven’t had any sickness. Just tiredness and sore joints. I woke this morning with new energy, knowing my second trimester is coming soon.

Gerard wipes his face on a towel and leans back.

“It’s Sunday night,” I say, glancing up.

He shakes his head. “Not when you’re pregnant.”

I sigh, but I don’t push him. He’s right, we should be careful. But I miss the way our sex life was before pregnancy. I know this won’t be forever, but I’m feeling disconnected from him when we can’t practice our dynamic together.

He moves up behind me, wrapping a hand around my waist. His mouth grazes the back of my neck.

My toes curl.

“You’re the mother of my children,” he says quietly. “But you will always be my wife first.”

I turn, looking up at him. “What does that mean?”

“It means, you’re many things to me,” he says, in that matter-of-fact way he speaks. “You’re the mother of my children, but before that, you’re the woman I love. And after that, you’re my submissive.”

I swallow.

Sometimes it’s hard to juggle all the things that we are, but I wouldn’t trade it for the world. We keep our dynamic strictly to the bedroom and moments we’re alone together and that helps make a distinction. Gerard is a fiercely private person and I’m the only one he allows in. His strong boundaries help separate our dynamic from our lives outside our bedroom doors.

Pregnancy complicates that, but it doesn’t erase it.

I know what he’s saying. And I appreciate it.

He bends my head back, his hand on my throat. “There are plenty of things I can do to put you in your place, redbird.”

I shiver, warmth blossoming.

The water upstairs turns off. I hear Cash singing loudly as he gets dressed and then his feet slap down the stairs.

“Hey, mom,” he says, darting around the corner. “What’s for dinner?”

Gerard picks him up and sets him on the counter. “Breakfast. I got to choose again.”

“Hell, yes,” he says.

I gasp. “Cash, do not say that.”

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