Page 18 of Redbird

He glances up, shrugging. “It’s a bug,” he says, leaning back to reveal a black beetle crawling through the dirt. He jumps to his feet and I see him subtly trying to imitate the way I’m standing.

For some reason, I hadn’t anticipated he’d idolize me so much. At first, he was his mother’s boy, following at her heels. Hiding behind her skirts. But when he hit about four, he decided it was time to grow up. That was when he demanded a hat, boots, and a horse.

“He’s your problem now,” Keira said sweetly.

Deep down, I always felt I wasn’t father material. But that was before Keira, before she’d made me a better man. A braver one. Never in my life have I done something so terrifying as having a child. And she made me strong enough to do that.

I tear myself from my thoughts and kneel down to adjust his shirt. He missed a few buttons getting himself dressed.

“Do you want to ride your own horse today?” I ask.

His eyes light up. “Yeah, I want to ride Silver.”

Technically, Silver is an undersized pony, not a horse. I wanted to give Cash a real horse, but Keira was adamant he only have a few feet to fall if he got bucked off. So I went to the auction and found a sturdy, chestnut pony and gave him to Cash for his last birthday.

“You sure?” I ask, rising and heading to the barn.

He trots behind me. “Yeah, I’m not a little kid.”

He’s so confident. My mind flicks back to my own childhood, remembering how little time I had to just be young. Tragedy aged me before I was a teenager. I don’t want that for my son, I want him to grow under my protection until he’s strong enough to stand on his own.

Come hell, I’ll stop my pain from being passed down.

We enter the barn. Cash stands on his toes to turn the light on. Shadow is already awake, used to being taken out early. I lead him from the stall and let him stand by the mounting block while I retrieve Silver from the back pasture. He’s older and has a quiet personality. I don’t worry much about him hurting Cash.

I tie the pony and pass my son a brush.

“Get him good and clean,” I say. “I don’t want to see saddle sores tonight.”

He nods, biting his lip to concentrate as he moves the curry comb over Silver’s coat. He was in the paddock last night and the dust clings to his hair. It rises in little puffs as Cash works it out.

I brush down and saddle Shadow. He wears a bitless bridle, has for years. At this point, I think he’d take it as an insult if I tried to put a bit in his mouth. I only have him wear a bridle in case I need to secure him, he moves on weight signals alone.

I run my hand down his neck. He’s looking a little gray and I know retirement is less than five years off. It’ll be hard finding a horse that can replace him.

“Alright,” says Cash, setting aside the hoof pick. “Ready.”

I nod. “Go get his things.”

He drags the saddle, blanket, and bridle out. I hang back, letting him work through it on his own. It takes a while, but he gets it in the end. He’s proud of himself, circling Silver with a satisfied expression.

“Go put the brushes away,” I tell him.

He gathers them up and ducks into the tack room. While he’s gone, I check over his work and tighten his cinch. I don’t want to undermine his confidence so I like to wait until he’s looking away before I check. He did well this morning. Silver is clean and his saddle is polished.

He saunters back out and I hold my hand out for him to step into and mount up. I pass him the reins and he gives me a bright smile that stops me in my tracks.

Fuck, sometimes I have to shake myself to believe this is real.

I have a family. I have a wife, a son, and maybe another baby on the way soon.

How did I get so lucky?

“What’re you looking at, dad?” Cash asks.

I shake my head. “Not much. Let’s go, we’ll do a loop and check on things before breakfast.”

He rides alongside me as we leave the barn. We’re heading up the western pasture, right where the Garrison land used to border mine. Before it all became Sovereign Mountain Ranch.

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