Page 23 of Protector

And even though during the kiss my mind was bursting with every happy feeling imaginable, every colour in the rainbow, every nerve ending in my body on fire, my first thought after his lips left mine were flashes of a future we could never have.

Puck deserves the world.

He deserves someone who can give him that.

I can’t.

I’m just a Lost Boy from Neverland.

Tears trickle down my cheeks, and I resent myself for plaguing my mind with these thoughts.

A girl is supposed to swoon and shy away when the boy she loves kisses her. He’ll then hold her hand, stroke away the blush on her cheeks, and whisper words of happiness in her ear. He’ll take her on a date, and they’ll go on adventures. And then she’ll go home, think about him all night, desperate for the sun to rise just so she can see him again.

But a sunrise stops becoming special when it rises over the same four walls every day. And any adventure I have to give doesn’t go past the gates to the driveway or the trees in the forest.

There’s a knock at my door, which makes me jump, and I squeeze my eyes tight, hoping that whoever is behind the door, probably Maria, will walk away if I stay silent.

Oh God, what am I going to tell Maria?

“Bon,” Puck’s soft voice calls out from the other side.

I stay quiet, part frightened to open the door and be faced with him and part embarrassed that I have to explain why I ran in the first place.

“Bonnie, I’m sorry if I upset you.”

My head sags against the door, and I draw a deep breath, trying to find the words to explain.

Turning around, I pull the door open and look into his hazel eyes, shame filling me from head to toe at the look of guilt resting on his face.

“You didn’t upset me,” I say softly, opening the door wider for him to enter.

“Then why are you crying?” He steps past me, and I drop my hand from the door, leaving it open slightly.

“Was it…” He swallows. “Bad?”

I can’t help it, a small giggle falls from my mouth, and his eyebrows draw into a frown.

“No, it wasn’t bad.”

“Then why are you laughing?”

“Honestly, because I should be asking you that question. It was my first kiss. Was I bad?”

He shakes his head, a small smile playing on his lips.

“If it wasn’t bad, then why did you run away, Bonbon?”

My stomach flips at the nickname.

“It’s silly,” I confess and turn away from him, walking over to the windowsill, my fingers pushing the hands on my old clock around and around to give me something to do.

“Bonnie,” he coaxes, and I sigh in defeat, knowing he won’t leave it alone.

“It wasn’t bad. In fact, it was everything I could have ever dreamt of. It-” I pause, debating on whether to continue, but I figure I’ve come this far. I might as well let it all out on my sleeve. “It was everything I dream of. There’s nothing I’ve wanted more in six years than to kiss you, Puck.”

My cheeks flame red, and I turn away completely, looking at the clock face instead that hasn’t worked in years as I spin the minute hand around in circles.

“Then what’s wrong?” he asks innocently.

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