But I have to.
I'm their only witness. It all rests on my shoulders.
I can't be in this position. It would be bad enough to even walk into the courtroom. To be the only witness in a case against him? The man could die, and his spirit would still seek revenge against me. There's no fucking way this works out in my favor.
I snap my eyes up when a door on the other side of the restroom opens.
"Sorry," a lady in an ill-fitting suit says before she goes into one of the stalls.
She doesn't seem like a threat, but I can never tell with Nathan. He has the ability to convince the most innocuous people to do his bidding.
I keep my eyes locked on the mirror, the stall door in my line of sight until the necklace Beck gave me last night pulls my eyes to it.
It's a survivor necklace, and although I always wanted one, I never imagined myself as a survivor.
"We'll never make it to twenty-five." I can't count the number of times Xan whispered those words in my ear. I do know it was enough that I started to believe it. Surviving Nathan Adair doesn't happen.
What I can't figure out is why I'm so scared to die. It's something that I always knew was coming.
The necklace means nothing, but when I wrap my hand around it, I just can't rip it from my throat. It's foolish of me to imagine a life where I could be normal and loved.
"You deserve to be loved."
I hated him when he said that to me.
"Everyone you talk to either disappears or ends up dead."
Ruby was right. I have enough blood on my hands.
With my eyes closed I pull the necklace free and drop it on the sink. When the first tear pushes past my closed eyelids, I know I have to let it all go. My chances of survival are almost non-existent, but I just can't manage to give up yet.
I eye the other door, knowing that getting out of here will probably be impossible, but I also know I have to try.
I pull the door open, seeing a short hallway that leads to several other offices, and I understand this to be the courthouse employee entrance to the restroom. If people were smart, they'd make this damn door only accessible with a keycard or something.
I make it to the end of the hallway, finding a single elevator door. I press the down button with my fingers crossed in hopes that it takes me to employee parking or some area that Cerberus or that other group hasn't thought to cover. They've been pretty fucking thorough so far, but I knew I couldn't get lost in the thoughts that I was actually safe.
After climbing on the elevator and pressing G for the garage, I pull my oatmeal-colored jacket off, turning it inside out so the paisley print liner is showing. I pull the pins from my hair and let it settle around my shoulders. I have no money, no identification. I have nothing, but it isn't the first time I've been in this situation.
I hold my head high as the elevator doors open, knowing I need to look as if I belong here. There's a security checkpoint, but they're only monitoring the people entering the building, presuming that those leaving had been checked on their way in.
No one shouts my name or runs after me as I push open the heavy door and step out into the frigid weather.
I pull in a fortifying breath of the cold air and before I can take a step, warmth covers my side.
My heart races as I look up at the scarred face of a man I don't recognize.
"Your car is waiting right over here, Ms. Adair," he says, his voice full of gravel.
I don't miss the warning in his tone or the feel of the gun pointed at my back.
I don't have many choices, but I do risk a glance back through the glass. The security guards are speaking with a man there.
The click-clack of footsteps draws my attention in front of me, and I feel a hint of hope when I see a man and woman walking in our direction to enter the building.
"Make a scene and I'll not only kill those two but everyone they love."
I don't doubt his threat, and I know he must've been well informed by Nathan of my weaknesses. I might be capable of getting hurt myself, but I've always hated being the reason anyone else suffered at Nathan's hands. It was the only thing that separated me from Xan, and Nathan hated that he couldn't break me all the way. He hated my compassion for others even though there were times when the abuse got so bad I caved.